My mom wants me to get an abortion or give it up for adoption. She thinks I shouldn't have another one b/c it will be taking away from my other two kids.I asked her why she thinks this way, but she will not explain. We did plan this pregnancy, but how can I deal w/ her comments.
2006-06-10 05:06:21 · 22 answers · asked by justme 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Though your mom has a right to give her opinion and advice to you, she has no right to actually tell you what to do or even expect you to listen to what she has to say. It is your baby, it is up to you if you feel like having it would be good for your family. Although it may be harder for you, I don't think it would be "taking away" from your other kids, but adding to your family. Besides, it would be your kid not hers, and therefore not her responsibility, and most grandparents would love another grandbaby to spoil! I am still surprised a mother wouldn't want her daughter to have a baby, especially when she already has two.
2006-06-10 05:15:09 · answer #1 · answered by Queen D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all - congratulations! I hope that you are feeling well. My question to you - if you and your husband planned this pregnancy, did you consult your mother in advance? If not, why would she feel she should be consulted now? I am unsure why she feels killing her third grandchild would be better than "taking away from the other two." My parents planned on 2. my sister was a late surprise. She and I are very close, and I can not imagine life without her!
If you like, call a crisis pregnancy line - any phone book should list them - or call the local pastor who can then tell you some numbers. Choices of the heart online is a good resource, too. Good luck!
Tell your mother that you love and respect her. Let her know that you realize a 3rd child will make things change. Invite her to help you prepare for the baby - let her give her opinion on layette, nursery, etc. Have her help you brainstorm ideas - let her feel involved.
2006-06-10 12:12:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? If this is your third and was planned then I am assuming you are an adult. Your Mother is being VERY mean. I have three kids and trust me, there is plenty of love to go around. If she can't come up with a better reason than she has given then tell her that you will do what you want. Just ignore her hateful comments. You are an adult and already proved to be capable of being a Mom.
Best of luck!
2006-06-10 12:12:57 · answer #3 · answered by i_am_the_dida 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would use 'compassionate listening', where you validate everything she says but you don't agree with her, necessarily. So it would look something like this:
"This pregnancy is a bad idea, I can't believe you got pregnant again. How are you going to take care of the other two? You should just give this one away, do yourself a favor."
"You're worried about the other two children?"
"Yes, there's barely enough time for them as it is!"
"It seems to you that I don't have enough time for my children, is that right? And it sounds like you're really worried about our family having one more child."
"Of course I am! You're my daughter, I want you to be happy and I worry about the strain this will put on your family"
"Ohhh...."
It goes on and on like this. You just acknowledge, let her know you hear her, and go on. MOST of the time, when people feel that you actually hear what they are saying, they back off.
It does sound like she's worried and wants to 'rescue' you from this predicament she feels you are in.
If worse comes to worse you can say to her: "Mom, I know you love me and you want the best for me. I love you for that. But I need to make the choices for MY family, just like you made chocies for YOUR family. Please trust me to to that! I won't discuss this with you any more, I'm not giving away or aborting my baby. "
Good luck, these things are tough!
2006-06-10 12:15:51 · answer #4 · answered by kriskruz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would do what you feel in your heart is best for you. I was baggered by my parents to get an abortion when I got pregnant and even though I did end up getting the abortion I realized that I wasn't ready and that if I were to have a child at that time I wouldn't have been able to achieve that things that I have now. I think that you need to decide what is best for you. ignore her, she's not living your life, you are.
2006-06-10 12:19:36 · answer #5 · answered by Tara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its up to you. If it was a planned pregnancy between you an your husband then you don't need to worry about your mother, have your child I'm sure you'll give him/her all the love in the world. And you won't be taking away from your other kids, you can never have too many kids to love. Just tell your mom that you respect her opiion but you know you'll be able to.
2006-06-10 12:14:04 · answer #6 · answered by Yokihana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon sometimes parent's say things like that because they know you better than you know yourself.Although I'm not saying she's right.Sometimes they don't wanna see you struggle that's all.You might be the best mother in the world but if your mom thinks this is going to be to much on you then that's the reason for the comment.As long as you're not asking her for money for diapers or food and childcare and all that good stuff and your able to provide for your kids you do what you feel is best.Sometimes it hurts when our mom say things like that to us but maybe she see or knows something that you can't see right now.But good luck to you.Take care of yourself don't let this bother you,once you have it she'll love it and be glad you decided to keep it.
2006-06-10 13:29:03 · answer #7 · answered by dccuttie75 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I have to wonder what is wrong with your mom that she wants you to KILL one of her grandchildren or give it away when you obviously want to keep it? After that all I can say is if you want to keep the child to raise, take care of and love then do it. If mom seriously has a problem with that then I wouldn't let her around any of my kids so that she could show favoritism and who knows possibly completely ignore or even worse downgrade and abuse the latest addition to your family. You know what is right for you and your family, and you need to do what is best for you and what will make you happy, don't worry about what mom thinks anymore.
2006-06-10 12:42:56 · answer #8 · answered by bluekitty8098 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are in charge of your life now, not her. Explain to her that your children will not lose any of your love and that this new baby will be 100% loved as well. There is something that is concerning her and maybe she is just not comfortable with telling you about it. However it is your decision to keep your baby not hers. She bossed you around for 18 years, tell her that was enough.
2006-06-10 12:17:04 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to her. And don't ever try to abort. I have read many statistics that tell so negative consequences ot it. And it is a life after all, a person you won't give a chance to live, to feel the magic of life. And your mother will love her/him, I am sure.
2006-06-10 12:12:00 · answer #10 · answered by pepi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋