my son is 12 and is very curious about sex. how to my husaband and i come out and talk to him about it?

Answer 1

You shouldn't. Your husband should. Your husband should take him out somewhere, just the two of them and he should answer ANY AND ALL questions your son has. If your son has questions about the female body that your husband can't answer, then it's your turn.

Best of luck!

Answer 2

Like everyone else suggested, you need to talk with your son. Generally it is an uncomfortable discussion and depending on the types of relationships you and your husband have with your son, it is most comfortable for Dad to do the discussion. My husband talked to both my boys at that age. He used the book "What's the Big Secret" as a guide. It is a bit juvenile but gives the information and the cartoons make it light and laughable (humor makes it less uncomfortable). Both my boys thought it was "gross".

It is also important to just answer your son's questions as they arise. Be honest and keep it simple. The more comfortable you are about it, the more comfortable he will be in asking questions. Good luck!

Answer 3

If your family operates in an open and honest manner, then he will be comfortable in asking his questions. Alternatively, I would suggest starting the conversation slowly maybe in the car during a long trip so that y'all are not completely focused on the topic, and therefore all of you will be more comfortable, open, and honest.

Keep the conversation light, joke about it, and let him know that you've been there. But in the end, stress all of the important stuff (STD's, condoms, pregnancy, etc) and make sure he understands. Also make sure that he knows that the subject is not taboo and he is always able to ask questions.

I began discussing the subject with my daughter when she was 4. I was pregnant with my son and she was curious and started asking questions. I was completely honest with her (while keeping it on her level of understanding) and this opened up a communication channel which exists to this day.

Answer 4

Be real with him! Don't act coy and put everything into baby terms. If he's 12 he'll know you're not being honest, go to his friends or the internet to find out, and get some horrible info and probably end up having sex A LOT sooner than you can imagine. Treat him like a person, not a kid.

Answer 5

However you decide to do it just make sure that you're very comfortable with it. If you seem shy, or uncomfortable your son will pick up on that. He will feel reluctant to talk to you about other similar things in the future. Just make it part of normal conversation. Be open and honest, use real terms etc. It's a natural thing, and you're the best people for him to learn it from. God Bless

Answer 6

Ask him what he wants to know and start by answering things very simply. If he doesn't understand then explain more. Take a trip to the library to get a book to explain things like that. Just explain it matter of fact or kind of in a fun way like a joke. My 12 and 10 year olds know how sex works because we have had breeding birds and frog pets in the house.

Answer 7

I spoke to my son with my husband present. It is better that you talk to him than for him to get things from outside the home which most probably will be wrong: This is what I told my son and daughter when I thought that it was time for them to know. I hope the following helps you as I believe that my kids completely understood and we have a very open relationship: Make sure you have NO interruptions, so turn your phone off:

We need to talk to you about what you probably have heard called the birds and the bees and/or sex. We want to explain to you the facts and we want to know if you have any questions and know that you are here to answer you with the truth and that you should never feel embarrassed or ashamed about any questions that you need answered as sex and the feelings that come along with it are all natural and "everyone" goes through them.

As you know, women and men are made diffrently, physically. Now, everyone shows love towards other people in many different ways. I as your mother, kiss you, hug you, and caress, but I cannot show you affection in the same manner that I show your dad. I kiss your dad in the mouth and he kisses me. Do you understand the difference? The reason why me and daddy kiss in that manner is because we are "a couple" and when you get married and show your partner that you love them and they show you the same. The way that couples show each other love is by having kissing each other head to toes. Now, when I say head to toes, I mean head to toes, his eyes, his mouth, his neck, his chest and even private parts. At this point, he will look at you with a face of disgust, but you explain to him that the reason why this is done, because as husband and wife, you show each other that you both belong to one another, so you give your body to that other person. Then you take his hand, and slap it a little hard, where he could feel, ask him if it hurts, then give him gentle kisses all around his hand and ask him how that feels. He will probably say good and then you say, well, that is exactly how the other person feels when they are being kissed head to toes including their private parts, "good". And because you are doing it with love and it feels good that is why couples do that . And that is what is called oral sex...

Now, when a little boy wakes up in the morning, usually, most of the time, his penis is up and the reason why is because he has to let out and release pee. Now, when a man, is with his wife doing all the loving things that I just told you his penis also gets up, but not because he has to release pee, but because he has to release what is called sperm, many people in the streets, call it "milk", which is not the proper way to say it. The reason why he has to release the sperm is because he is so inlove and excited that this is the way for a man to show a woman, that he really likes her. When a boy does pee, he goes to the bathroom and lets it out, but a man, could let out the sperm either in a cloth or inside the woman's vagina as the woman has what could be called a tunnel. Now, through this tunnel two things happen, a baby comes out and a penis goes in and the man releases that sperm inside the vagina of the woman. Do you understand so far?

When this occurs, the woman gets pregnant. Because the sperm that is put in the woman's vagina, creates what a baby. And that baby is part of mommy and daddy. So, two people make that "one" baby out of the love that they have for each other. Now, go into the fact that this act could only be done with a woman that you love and know that you want to spend the rest of your life with as there are many things that could go wrong when you do this. Such as what is called AIDS, HERPES, go online and show him images of these diseases, so like that he knows to think about it before he is going to do something. But, if you are going to do it and you feel that you could trust the woman that you are with you can use what is called a condom and this may protect you from any of these diseases. Now, also be careful when you kiss a girl, because she may also have something which she could give you. I think from here you have the idea... good luck..

Answer 8

Well, as the mother of two boys younger than yours... I have to suggest that you just sit down and talk.

There's this great episode of Malcom in the Middle where Lois (the mother) takes Malcom (the teen son) out for a drive to have 'the talk' with him. She warns him that it is going to be painful for them both but that he will be glad she did it at the end. She starts talking about everything from how it happens and why to more complex issues like what women are looking for and how men bumble things and vice versa, how to deal with relationships, etc. It starts out with him covering his ears in horror and at the end he is engaging her and asking questions. (She's a wise woman, even if she is fictional! lol)

We've always taken our boys questions as they come. My 8yo just found out that his penis has multiple functions and was horrified but he has the actual truth instead of the mysteries his peers will tell him. I talk to my 13yo step daughter too and I tell her to ask me anything and that I will answer honestly (as age appropriately as I can), and she really does ask. I am often writhing in my seat, but I believe that if I open the door for my kids to ask questions (while they still will), they will get facts (I work in birth/women's health) instead of urban legends. They'll feel more comfortable coming to me about birth control or pregnancy scares (god forbid) or whatever.

Another tactic is to encourage your husband to take this role on and 'pass the torch' of manhood on to your son, so to speak. My daughters will have a rite of passage into woman hood when they start bleeding - a time away from home where we can camp and eat and laugh and talk openly about anything, where she will learn some new things about relationships and womanhood. I want to do the same for my sons, set up an experience where the information they are receiving is offered in seriousness and honesty and with a sense of importance, that they are being initiated, that they are becoming MEN and that it is important, and that sex is a part of that. We'll see how it all plays out.

Books are very helpful, too! At his age they might be used for porn than any educational reasons but if you make them available, books that are positive about men's bodies, that reflect your own child's body (for example my boys aren't circumcised- I wouldn't get a book where the images were circed), that are empowering and not degrading, it might provide an avenue for him to get his questions answered without having to 'ask'.

Personally, I prefer the face to face! ;)

Above all else: DO NOT SHAME HIM!!! He should not be embarrassed because he gets erections or masturbates or whatever.

I definitely wouldn't do the 'kitchen table' scene! ;)

Answer 9

I suppose the best way is to come out and talk about it, maybe when you see a couple walking down the street you can casually start talking about relationships and then maybe get a little bit further.

And remember if you don't talk to him about it, someone else will. It's hard to believe what you learn in school.

Answer 10

Tell him that when you were his age you had a lot of questions about sex and that kids get a lot of wrong information from their peers. Let him know that you are willing to answer his questions. If he seems shy talking about it there are a lot of really great books for teen boys.