how many times do you try?

Question

my fiance' and i have seperated 2 times before and are having some issues now.people keep telling us to take some time apart but if we are on the verge of getting married how can you just keep seperating.i'm afraid that if we seperate this time there will not be a next time.shouldnt you try to work it out without the seperation if you've tried that before.i need some serious straight to the point answers.

Answer 1

It sounds like you 2 want to be together, seperation doesnt do any good, if you dont go to the problem,and come to somekind of middle ground of ageement on the problem truthfully, you will always come back to the answer to seperate not ever solving the problem, be honest with each other no matter how each other will respond. and remember dont answer by your feelings only by your heart which is not a desire, feelings,and desire are controlled by your flesh, your heart is controlled by your will.

Answer 2

it is really hard to advise, especially when you dont elaborate what the issues are(i am not saying you should, but i hope you know what i mean!). The thing is, that you will never agree on everything, and if you expect to you are only going to be dissapointed. I suggest you both sit down together and look at why you want to be together, why do you love each other, what made you fall in love? REMEMBER what it was that kept you together when things were good. Next you need to talk about what is wrong, what makes you unhappy, why you keep arguing? The next thing you could do would be to tell each other what you want from the other person, beSPECIFIC! (i want you to spend more time with me, i want us to go out every friday- you get the picture). Try to look at ways in which you can make the other person happier- make it a goal to show the other person how much you care.

Seperating will not cure a problem- stop running away, be honest, be calm, and be loving. Are you doing ALL you can to make the relationship work? You both need to work together to solve problems. Do you WANT it to work? does your partner?
If you dont want to be 100% in the relationship, dont get married, why go through the heartache? Stop listening to everyone else, listen to each other.

You need to work this out, and remember, it is easy enough to be miserable on your own, you dont need someone else to help you! If the joy and love and happiness isnt there now, what hope is there? you are supposed to be at the happiest time of your lives now(newly wed stage included).
Look in the mirror- are you doing all you can to make it work or are you both so wrapped up in whos to blame you are not even trying anymore?

Take a deep breath and start talking- something i wish me and my husband did a bit more!
A good marriage is like gold dust- really valuable, but if you dont work at keeping it in your hands it slips right through your fingers!

All the best, if it is worth fighting for, fight! I realise you may not be religious but please read this little scripture because it is so true!
1Corinthians 13:4-8 says:
4 Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, 5 does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. 6 It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails.

i am here if you need to talk, i hope it works out for you!

Answer 3

Well, you have to ask yourself why you have seperated before? Can you get past these issues? And would it really help to get married? NO!! Marriage will not solve anything, it will just be harder to seperate. Maybe take some time to realize what you really need to do. Try to date, and if that doesn't work then you know it won't work. I lived with my fiancee for 3 yrs..then I moved out and tried to date him, and we figured out it just wasn't going to work...so give it a shot and if it is mean to be it will.

Answer 4

Definatly seperate, and give it time, if you marry this guy and he isn't the right one then what? you cant get married just to get a divorce. get premarital counseling asap, that will determine wheter you can work through these serious issues. Marriage isnt something to take lightly it's 100/100 on both parts and if you aren't willing to do it. then seperate, if its true love, then he will come back to you. being apart is sometimes the best answer. helps tremendously!!! only time will tell

Answer 5

Sorry you're going through such a hard time. But there seems to be a bigger problem here, especially since you've seperated 2x before - If you guys can't get past the issues or work through them, then going your seperate ways before a marriage complicates things might be your saving grace, even though it won't feel like it at the time.

Good Luck!

Aloha!

Answer 6

I think you better put the marriage on hold...it will not be a good one if you are having these kinds of problems BEFORE you are married. Marriage is, at best, a mountain of work. Neither of you seem prepared for what it takes...running away from problems is not how they are worked out. Seek new grounds with someone more attuned to your outlook and life style. This ain't gonna be a good marriage, period...You know it and are looking for an out...well, here it is. Dr. Phil has advised dropping the entire idea.

Answer 7

you need to just put the wedding off for a little while and seperate to get your own thoughts together. i have been with my boyfriend ( soon to be fiance) for almost four years. we had our share of problems. i even had to move out for three months. but the time that we spent apart was just what we needed. If you really do love eachother you both wont have to worry about them sleeping with someone else. give it a try.

Answer 8

If you both cant work through your issues then maybe marriage isn't right at this time. Once you get married it is much harder to just seperate. You could try counseling.

Answer 9

this does not sound good for the future- my serious straight to the point answer is either delay the wedding or call it off- it is easy to separate before marriage but believe me - it is not so easy afterwards.
I wish you luck, but think you should be both brave and honest. If you need to come on here to ask the question- then I think you already know the answer.

Answer 10

You both need to sit down and have a heart to heart and lay it all on the table. You need to talk things out cuz if you separate again there is that possibilty u may not be together. I wish u the best