how can I forgive myself for having an affair?

Question

I am a female

I am married. No- I could never tell him it would end the marriage.

Answer 1

it will be there on your mind the rest of your life but if you told him it would make it worse trust me so my advice just try and deal with it and move on and just dont do it again

Answer 2

Well Ashamed, there are some aspects that you are going to have to face. First off, your refusal to tell your husband is going to cause a sore spot in your relationship that will fester and cause the two of you to drift apart. You blew the trust that you had developed over the years, and now want to keep up the lies and hide what you did? How can you see being closer, or getting past the affair, with those lies there? Affairs are just as much emotional, as sexual. Now while I have no idea how long the affair lasted, or how long you've been married, I DO know what it is like to wonder what else is out there. To find myself asking, am I with the right person, or is this all there is to my life? Asking those questions is one thing... acting on them is another. Two wrongs don't make a right, and thinking that hiding the affair or allowing your husband to have one won't help any. IF you want to have any chance of saving what you have left of your marriage, you are going to have to be honest and EARN that trust again, IF it can be earned. Most people, male AND female, aren't very forgiving in today's world. It's an unfortunate truth, that nowadays people are almost looking for reasons to get shed of their partners, and the old vow of for better or worse is a shunned ideal. Mistakes happen, especially in a marriage that has lasted for several years, and only honesty can be your friend now. Even if it destroys your marriage, you are going to find that you have to come clean, for your own sake. Otherwise, you will find your self-respect sinking lower and lower. So, put some backbone in you, and stand up for yourself. Admit your wrongs, and see what Fate has in store for you. For all you know, while you were blindly acting out your own affair, he may very well have been guilty of the same himself. Tunnel vision can happen to anyone, at any time. Good luck!!

Answer 3

There is a reason you had the affair. What is missing in your current relationship that would allow you to have the room to stray? Maybe confessing is the answer,but maybe the answer is something deeper, something you know about but don't want to face. Maybe you love your bf but are not in love with him. Do you miss him when you are apart? Or are you looking for what else is out there. If you are looking, get out of the relationship. You can forgive yourself and move on. It was not what you needed anyways.

Answer 4

Facts of life never do anything that you may latter regret...
FORGIVE you live learn from past mistakes and never make the same mistake again...As far a the affair bet he made you feel so good about your self....Just remember words are cheap and people will tell you everything YOU want to hear to get what they want...It does happen before you know it just don't get in that situation again..

Answer 5

You have nothing to forgive yourself for. An affair is a symptom of an unhappy or unfulfilling relationship, what you took was what you needed. Just ask yourself if the situation you are now back in is good enough to last for life and if it isn't, take steps to rectify it, or leave. Good luck.

Answer 6

YOU NEED TO TELL HIM!!!! for better or worse....it will be a start to forgiving yourself because it wont be a secret anymore. you did a very wrong thing, so yes it might end your marriage but, it might bring you closer by coming clean. if you had enough time away from your husband to have an affair, maybe he has something to come clean about to?!

Answer 7

That's something you will have to live with the rest of your life I'm afraid. Try to be the best wife/girlfriend that you can be and hope your partner is a forgiving soul. The next time a situation arrises again, put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask, " how would I feel if they did this to me". good luck.

Answer 8

Of course you can but guilt feelings will always be there. Try to forget it and move on. Your world should not stop just because of a single mistake. Learn from your mistake and make something beautiful out of it. How? Shower your husband with lots of love, more than what you have done before. Think of what had happened, then you might lose focus and he might notice it which could led to discovery. Again, forget and move on! :-D

Answer 9

By never doing it again and be truthful to your spouse. I don't need to know the reasons behind cheating to know that mistakes can be corrected-as long as both parties can work through it together.

You have to be honest with your man to find any true peace to what you have done. If he is still with you and loves you, then you know that you are blessed to have such a wonderful and forgiving partner.

If you haven't told him yet, expect a bit of pain for he will be immensely (repeat IMMENSELY) hurt by your actions. If he loves you he might just have it in his heart to put it behind him. I hope so, for your sake.

Answer 10

dear heart u dont have to worry about that anymore, confess to the lord coz he said if we confess our sins hes faithful and just to forgive us and if God forgives us we are forgiven, just stop dwelling on it. what did Jesus do to the woman that committed adultry in the bible?
we may see having an affair is a big bad sin but so is telling a lie. sin is sin. so u need to confess to the lord and ask him to help u never to repeat it again and try ur best not to.

Answer 11

You can't!!! If you did want to be married anymore then get divorced. If your having problems, go talk to marriage counselor. There is no excuse to ever cheat. Get a vibarator!