He's grieving, and i don't know what to say to make it better?

Question

He lost both his parents, but i know what to say to helpl him. He's been to a psychologist, and says he's come a long way. But he keeps telling me that without your mother, you're already dead before your time........he was so attached to his mom.... what should i say to comfort him?

Answer 1

Just being a loving friend should do it. Sometimes people can get so devastated, though, it can ruin a friendship. A death of a close family member, like parents or a child, can be a long trip to get over...and actually, having lost a child, I can tell you, you never really do "get over it". It just gets easier to live with. It can take years, but he shouldn't feel as if his life is over.
I agree with the first answer, remind him that his mother is not "gone". She is still with him and he needs to recover from the initial shock and sadness in order to "feel" her presence. It will come, but it takes alot of time and patience and understanding, not to mention, faith. When our love for a person runs that deeply, the cut never truly heals, it just gets less painful with time.
I still cry over losing my son, but I remind myself that he would not want me to forget about my own life and would not want me to lay down and die, too, just because he did not survive. I have to live, for him. Your friends parents would want him to go on living and be fruitful and successful, for them. It is what all parents want for their children, especially if they had a great closeness.
Best wishes to your friend. Be a good friend and he will recover in time.

Answer 2

I recently lost my father and have discovered that there is nothing anyone can say, better that he knows you are there to listen. The hardest thing about losing your parents, unless you are a child, is that people do not allow you to grieve. Granted when you a reach a certain age you realize that one day you will probably lose your parents but knowing it and having it happen are two different things. Losing a parent or anyone else does not make you dead, that is simply an excuse to not deal with lifes problems. Death is a part of life- something we all learned in kindergarten. Tell him to reach into his heart and think about how his mom would want him to deal her death. Every time I meet with a problem I need help with I go back in my memory and use my Dads advise.

Answer 3

How old is this person?? How long has this been going on??

I have a friend who lost both her parents at an early age. She has a beautiful way of looking at it:

My parents are always there. I don't have to find time to go visit, or try to catch them at home when I call. They're always there. I can talk to them any time I want to. And if I listen close to my heart, I can hear them answer.
And I have two more angels in heaven watching over me!

Answer 4

My parents have both passed on too. It hurts a lot! Just let him know that you are "there for him". Your friendship and support and letting him know that you are sorry for his loss is all you can pretty much do. There just isn't anything you can say that will make it better. I agree with what the first person said though that's a nice thing to say, that his parents are still with him and that he should remember what they would have wanted for him - a good life.

Answer 5

There's probably nothing you can say to make him feel better after losing his parents. He should continue to see a psychologist for help. He also needs to know that his mother is still right there with him. He can talk to her, he just can't see her. If he believes this, he'll know she's still around.

Answer 6

At the risk of sounding cliche, time DOES heal all wounds. Not knowing the age of the person you are referring to, or the particulars on his parents death (suddenly or expected), I would not state a particular thing to say. Understanding and compassion on your part are the best aids, as well as time. The pain never goes away, but with time becomes more tolerable. Death is never easy to accept as we feel so deserted and alone and angry. We run the gammit of emotions and it takes time to sort it all out and come to terms with it. Good luck. Please tell your friend he is not alone in his feelings. Losing a parent is a devastating time in life.

Answer 7

I know not all people believe the same things about the afterlife, but if he does go to a church maybe you can get his favorite pastor to stop by the house and pray with him...the pastor would definately have some words of encouragement for him. Best wishes

Answer 8

I have a friend who lost his son, I understand how you feel.
This loss only will be for him less painful, AS TIME GOES BY!... nothing you can tell him will change his feelings.
If you really are his friend, JUST BE THERE, every time he needs you LISTEN TO HIM, HUG HIM, make him understand you care about him, and as times goes on, he´ll change step by step, and begin to live, with sadness of course, but less and less pain every day.

Also he can see a TANATOLOGYST, they teach people how to learn and say goodbye to our dearest ones.
Hope you´ll resolve this with your friend.

Answer 9

Unfortunatley you really can't say anything...when you lose a loved one its hard to get through it... just give him space but be there if he needs you... sometimes in this type of situation too much support can be a bad thing

Answer 10

He needs to know that his parents are not really gone. He will see them again after Christ comes back for us. If he has not yet found Jesus, he needs the reassurance that eternal life is for those who are saved in Jesus.