Okay, first of all... my bf and i have been together for 3 and a half years and lived together for 2. We were each others first "real" bf/gf so neither of us had much 'worldly experience.'
Anyway recently I have been finding some pictures and short chips of girls striping/dancing etc... They are not hard core porn movies or anything but it still really upsets me. It makes me wonder if he has been doing it throughout out entire relationship and paranoid as to what he has seen and either deleted or hidden... I am too scared to talk to him about it so it's just eating me up. Am I over re-acting and should I just accept it and be thankful it isn't worse?
Its just I feel really inadiquate, like I am not enough for him. He used to tell me how beauiful I was etc but hasn't in years. I know we have been together for so long and are really comfortable with each other but I always felt that was nice are secure.
HELP!
2006-06-10 01:23:56 · 21 answers · asked by amanda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
To everyone answering this question please note...
1. I haven't talked to my bf about this so he has no idea of my "nagging" voice.
2. I do take great pride in my appearance. I get hit on a lot.... the problem at the moment is the only guy I want to impress is him... so please don't make assumptions of my appearance.
3. I am more than willing to consider doing the things i saw in the clips but he has NEVER meantioned them before.
2006-06-10 01:44:25 · update #1
i am girl but i am watchin porn too it seems normal to me
2006-06-10 01:29:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You both are the ones that set the standard for your relationship. If looking at porn is cheating in your opinion, then you need to tell him that he's cheating on you.
On the flip side of the coin, (you said you get hit on by guys?) if he thinks you don't make it clear enough to these guys that hit on you, that you're not interested, you are cheating on him.
All the people who answered this question (including me) can't set the rules for your relationship. Only the two of you can do that.
Tell him how you feel about it, and more importantly, why you feel the way you do. You were perfectly clear about it with a bunch of strangers in Yahoo Answers, I'm sure you can get the point across to him.
As far as male human nature goes, I'll be the first to say if I see a semi-hot naked girl, on a piece of paper, a website, or in person, I WILL LOOK. That's not to say I NEED to go out hoarding porn, or cheating on women. I don't need to keep porn around the house, and if I'm not single, I don't, out of respect for my girlfriend.
Some guys have never felt the need to look at porn, and won't. You can find them at church. Then again, some guys lives revolve around the stuff. You can find them at the adult bookstores.
2006-06-12 04:33:39 · answer #2 · answered by 42ITUS™ 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be worried about the pictures. In fact you should use them as a window into his mind. Every guy/girl is curious to an extent about what he/she may be missing out on by being in a relationship. Think of it this way: He bought a car (you) 3 and a half years ago. Now he keeps hearing about another model (pictures/clips) that does or has certain things HIS car doesn't, but he loves HIS car and isn't ready to give it up. Now wouldn't it be friggin' sweet if he found out that HIS car already gave him the same excitement as the other model does?
The mistake most couples make in your situation is they won't ask their partners to try out any of these newfound ideas. Some are afraid of what their partner will think of them for bringing it up, others feel like it will change them into that pervert mom always warned them never to become.
In either case, both of you are going about the issue the wrong way. One of you (or both of you) should initiate a conversation that brings up the subject. For instance, during one of those road trips to or from the grocery store, or on the way to the club, ask him what he thinks of you trying something new on him. Use what you saw in the photos. Who knows, you two might end up headed back home trying something new. You would also save the money you would have spent in the club.
So what you should do is start to replace his need for photos from websites or magazines with mental photos (or actual ones) of you in the same situation. If you're doing whatever it is that's happening in the photos, there will be no need for photos. Practice a strip show for him; it may sound a little silly to you, but think of what you two could be missing out on by not exploring the possibilities. More than likely, he will be so turned on by HIS girl acting out one of his fantasies, instead of you having to look through that window to his mind I told you about, he will open the door and let you walk right in.
If this helps, email me and let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.
2006-06-10 09:37:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm afraid you need to talk to him about it, as much as you hate to. I don't consider it that serious myself, but if it bothers you, then, unless he stops, which I doubt he will, then it will just go on and you'll be feeling miserable. I don't like hardcore porn, either. But dancing and stripping is probably something a lot of guys like.
2006-06-10 08:28:35 · answer #4 · answered by merlin_steele 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Porn is fantasy. And fantasy is just that... it's the antithesis of reality. The chicks he sees on in the porn are not real... nor will they ever be. Sure, the models are real, but they only exist to fulfill the people's fantasies. You're overreacting. He loves you... You do satisfy him; don't doubt yourself. He lusts after the women in the porns because they satisfy his fantasies. Instead... when he's not there... watch the porns. Don't overreact. Just watch them and make yourself a LITTLE more like them... sex-wise. Also, talk to some of his guy-friends about what his sexual preferences might be. If you start satisfying some his fantasies... love-making just might turn electric. The point...: don't overreact. It's totally normal. Every guy (don't know about eunuchs) watches porn. A damn-near majority of them masturbate to it, too. They do it only because of lust. It's not lust that gets you through the day, now is it...? It's love; and you two share that.
Change yourself gradually (as in... VERY SLOWLY... if you want to, that is) to turn yourself into your boyfriend's fantasies. It's sure to make him squirm. :-)
Hope everything goes well. ;-)
2006-06-11 05:37:42 · answer #5 · answered by masterdeath01 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Talk to him.i had a friend who went from soft pron to hard porn and he told me that as time went by (by this stage he was into hard porn) he felt like it was harder to be satisfied.A good solid relationship is based on trust and understanding,thus it is important he knows how you feel.Hopefully he will have it in him to do what is right to gain back your trust and confidence.And if he loves you(I am sure he does) learn to speak up for yourself and dont let things like this eat you up.Good luck and God bless.
2006-06-10 17:52:34 · answer #6 · answered by Firefly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most men do like porn, men need visual stimulation, so porn usually takes care of it. But its not good if its upsetting you. Please tell him what you've told us, its so important to talk to each other. Lots of couples like to watch porn together, so you never know, after you've worked through it, it may even add a bit of spice to your sex life. Lots of luck. x
2006-06-10 08:28:26 · answer #7 · answered by prettygreeneyes 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i did for some time and that's just to stir up my imaginations...adding some "spice" to a relationship.
doing so doesn't mean that the relationship has gone sour and it doesn't mean that your bf's looking for a replacement, nah!
don't be paranoid, go ask him why all the stuff.
just go and don't raise your voice when you confront him.
keep the lines open.
talk things out and work things out...that's what makes a relationship work
2006-06-10 08:31:25 · answer #8 · answered by curiosity 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's a tricky question ME? YEs but up to the limit of time and self-control is still the best thing you can trust!!!
2006-06-10 08:32:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't like when my boyfriend while doing sex want to see porn, I don't feel fine, but he sad me is only for exciting more. I don't accept
2006-06-10 08:29:48 · answer #10 · answered by ice cream with chocolate 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
how about you watch them with him and have some fun with it. apparently that what he likes and you never know until you try it. plus it will spice up your relationship. then after you watch the porn movie with him and you feel uncmfortable about it still then talk to him about it.
2006-06-10 09:57:36 · answer #11 · answered by olive_olive_72 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋