How d you deal with the hurt/pain of not being able to conceive?

Question

When I was 16, I had an abortion. I have regretted that choice every day since then. When I was almost 18, engaged, I had a miscarriage at 5.5 months along due to domestic violence. The doctor told me that I would never be able to have children due to scar tissue. When I was 19, I was pregnant again this time a high risk due to past problems. I was told while pregnant that my baby would be "retarded and not live past 6 months" old due to something called Trisomy 18. She was born 5 weeks early with no medical problems besides asthma and allergies. She is now 6 years old and doing wonderfully with no major problems. Then when I was 23 I was pregnant and doing well, I was in a bad car accident and lost a baby at 17 weeks. I am now 26 years old, been with hubby for 6 years, married 4. We would love another baby, but it just doesn't seem to happen. How you deal with your cycle every month? Sometimes, I get very depressed about it...... Any suggestions on helping me deal?

I am wondering how to deal with people asking me when I am going to have another baby, and other people saying ohh, you should just be thankful that you already have one? How do you deal with a child asking for a sibling everyday?

Answer 1

Just relax and tell them when they ask that when God sees it fit for you to have another child it will happen. They main thing for you to do is not stress because that will prevent it from happening.

Good Luck =)

Answer 2

There are therapists out there that specialize in the psychological effects of reproductive issues. Also, see if you can find this month's Conceive magazine. You can find it in most bookstores. It has an article that discusses what to say when people are bugging you about kids and being insensitive (trust me, I've heard it all). Just because you already have a daughter, that does not make the pain any less.
If it is getting too difficult, try taking a break from conceiving. I'm not one of those people who says, "Relax and you'll get pregnant" or "Take a break and it will happen." I know that is not true. The break is more for your emotional well-being. It gives you time to actually have sex with your husband, rather than the stressful babymaking, prescribed intercourse. It also gives you some time to think about what you want to do. What is most important to you? Having a baby of your own or having another child? Having a newborn or expanding your family? How far are you willing to go to have a kid? IVF? Also, ask yourself the obvious question. Why do you want a baby? So often, we get on this baby track that it becomes a quest. Some people are so convinced to beat infertility and have a baby, that they lose sight of why they wanted a kid in the first place.
Also, tell yourself that you are doing all that you can to try and have this baby. It is understandable to feel guilty due to the abortion at 16 and the subsequent scar tissue, but you have proved that you can still have a baby. But conception is out of your control. They have done studies that stress impairs fertility. Remind yourself of that. Tell yourself that you are not helping your future baby by being depressed and stressing out. You are doing the best you can with what you've got.
Also, sit down and talk to your husband about it. A lot of husbands feel the same way, but are reluctant to talk about it.

Answer 3

How long have you been ttc? It takes most normal, healthy couples at least a yr. Usually 80% become pregnant w/in a yr after ttc.

Are you seeing an OB/GYN regularly & have you gotten a full work up of how your health & reproductive health is?

It sounds like you have no problem concieving as you've done it several times before... Try TTCing for nearly 8 yrs & nothing LOL.

Anyway, I do know what it's like, accept I've never had a child. I know that you hate being told to be grateful for the one you have, but it's true. You should hold her tightly & cherrish every moment you have w/her & for the fact that you get to even hold her & watch her grow & call you mommy.

I had a still born 7 yrs ago & was diagnosed w/severe infertility shortly after. It took 6 yrs to finally concieve again, only to loose that baby, too. It's been a yr since that loss & still nothing. I've never gotten to see or hold my babies. Be thankful that you have normal cycles that you can chart. I have PCOS so my hormones are all over the place & I never have a normal cycle, so it's impossible for me to chart.

My best suggestion is for you to find a good OB/GYN & talk to them to come up w/a plan to help you concieve. They can also help you rule out any issues that may affect your fertility as well as rule out any fertility problems.

Answer 4

How can you say that you cannot conceive when you already have a 6 year old? Be thankful that you have her. Some people cannot have any children, whether it be the 'fault' (and I use that term lightly) of the female or the male.
So many people just EXPECT to have children, when in reality they are gifts from God. So be greatful that you were given one gift, and don't be greedy that you want another. And before you or anyone condem me for being so harsh, - no my wife and I could not have children.

Answer 5

i know a little bit about how you feel....except i am trying to concieve my first. This website below is awesome. All of the women there are going through troubles concievig and they to have depression and exiety and worry. I am one of those people. The message boards is where i go for support and they will answer any question you have. the chatroom is okay but there is not always alot of people in there. The message boards (there are quite a few f them) is what i would suggest to you. Good luck and i hope you get your big fat positive soon.