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My wife and I were having problems. She went away on vacation and this guy sought her out. The worst part is I repeatedly told him to stay away from her as I knew we were having problems and if we are going to have a chance, it's not going to be with him trying to get her. By the way we also have one child together. I don't know how to react to this guy. Do I just accept what he did behind my back while I wasn't there? Serious responses only please.

2006-06-08 20:49:11 · 14 answers · asked by testingway 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

14 answers

Look at it this way...He couldn't do anything your wife wasn't willing to allow him to do...So you can't really blame him or be mad at him.
Be mad at the one you should be mad at...and that's your wife.

2006-06-08 20:52:43 · answer #1 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0 0

It seems most people are in agreement here and, unfortunately, I have to go with the crowd on this one. This guy did not break up your marraige. I would dare say he didn't even contribute. When people have affairs or are looking around, it is usually because they are not getting what they need in their marraige. You and your wife broke up your marraige. That's a tough thing to realize and I don't want to hurt your feelings anymore than they already are but if you and your wife did not create the trouble that allowed this guy to take a shot with your wife then he wouldn't be an issue. He might be thinking "Great! This guy screwed up and she is terrific! I'll treat her and her child right!" or something else - I don't know the specifics, but you shouldn't blame him for a situation you and your wife created. It was a bad time for you and your wife, but he does not owe you anything. All is fair in love and war.

Now, of course you are not going to like him! And of course you have every right to be furious with him for being selfish or not thinking about you and your family first. But the hard, cold truth is maybe he is doing what he thinks is right for her and maybe even your child. I don't know. What I do know is you have no control over how he or your wife behave and all you can do now is try to behave in a civilized manner. That doesn't mean you have to be friends, but I would hope you would be a gentleman no matter what occurs. Perhaps you could work up the nerve to talk to him and say, "While I thought you were selfish and I don't approve of what you did, I realize I have no control over your actions. I can't say we can be friends given the circumstances, but I will make every effort to be civil with you in public since we might be seeing a lot of each other." The next step, of course, would be forgiving all parties so you can move on with your new life sharing your child with your possibly ex-wife and her new boyfriend without the requisite bitterness that comes with harboring a grudge ... that'll probably have to be later, but keep it in mind.

The most important part, of course, is that the child has two parents that love him or her. It is tempting to use the child as leverage by threatening to "not come by if that jerk is over there" or something similiar, but don't let your innocent child suffer because these three adults have this huge tragic problem. Even if this guy is in the picture, you have to figure out how to make the best of things for your kid. I'm sure you agree that's the most important thing. Maybe trying to remember that your most important job is a dad will help you work at being civil and work at forgiving this guy and your wife and picking up the pieces as best you can.

That is an extremely hard pill to swallow and one I recommend you work at in doses. Good luck with everything.

2006-06-09 04:43:26 · answer #2 · answered by jimanywhere 2 · 0 0

Yo... i have encountered quite a similar problem like yours. In the matter of fact, they have sex and all. I found out and confronted her but nicely to find out the problem. Instead of she telling the real problem, I learned more about their relationship, their feeling and all.

Instead of getting mad, I decided that I was in their way and suggested going separate ways. She refused and telling me, how much she really love me and her love to the other was nothing or not the same. I thought, well, everyone should be given the chance.

Less than a month later, they got together again. And I came to knew of it. How many chance can you permit? Was I mad? No. Instead, I encouraged her to carry on with the guy. My thoughts were that why should 3 people be unhappy with there can be only 1 (that's me).

Now we are separated and I am glad I did it. If she did really love me, none of this would happened. If all goes right for them, I am happy for them. If it goes wrong, I shouldn't be the one to be blamed. I gave her a chance.

You will be alright.. trust me.

2006-06-09 06:04:01 · answer #3 · answered by Jack T 2 · 0 0

If your wife faithfull to you, you don't have to worry about this guy trying to get closed to your wife. If she is unfaithfull, you can't do anything when both of them wanted to do something behind your back. I was having the same problem as you coz at first I hate the other woman. But since then, I realize that if my husband true to me, he will never start an affair. If your wife really have an affair with this guy, then its up to you if you will forgive her or not. But for my thinking, we better let go the unfaithfull Jerk and then we will be happier. Coz unfaithfull Jerk will always tell a lot of lies...........

2006-06-09 04:43:39 · answer #4 · answered by rose 2 · 0 0

Things like that do happen! But you have to be patient cuz your wife is going to regret all the things she has done to you! So rather pretend as if you don't see what they're doing behind your back and God will help you to get through this tough situation okay?

2006-06-09 03:56:56 · answer #5 · answered by Ntuh 1 · 0 0

Y'know what, that's exactly what I'm facing now...some b**** clinging with my husband.As what you did,I called up that b**** and told her to back off and leave my husband alone.If I were you,I'm not gonna say/do nothing about it.Act on it!I care h*** about the 3rd person,I'm gonna save my marriage and nothing in the world can stop me.This is how you should think.Have faith in yourself,tell yourself that your marriage is worth saving and that your wife should stay with you...not just for the sake of your child but the main reason she said 'I DO' to you.Good luck!

2006-06-09 05:37:04 · answer #6 · answered by constance_lesj 1 · 0 0

there were 3 people who contributed to your marriage break up. YOU your WIFE and this GUY.................

now the way i see it, divorce or break up is a one sided blame game. she did this or he did that.......no-onw wants to fess up to what they might have done wrong to contribute to it. it's easier to pass the blame.

the way i see it, this guy should have stepped back and let you and your wife work things out, but your wife should have pushed him away more! it's not right to pursue someone else's husband or wife and it's not right to give up on your marriage without putting up a good fight, in which case your wife didn't.

what you have to accept is that this may be the begining of the end for your marriage, and think about whether you want to stay married to someone who let a stranger interfere in something that was none of his business.

2006-06-09 03:59:18 · answer #7 · answered by Jan 6 · 0 0

Yes you need to accept it and move on. There is this old saying "A man can't go no farther than a woman lets him".

What you need to do right now is focus on whether or not you want your marriage to continue, and if not, you need to focus on the best way to provide for your son/daughter.

2006-06-10 08:38:42 · answer #8 · answered by ladysea8 3 · 0 0

The key to her fidelity is your wife's willingness to repel attacks against your marriage. Talk to her.

2006-06-09 03:55:36 · answer #9 · answered by chdoctor 5 · 0 0

naw cuz its her fault 2 she wasnt forced to do watever dey did...i say u get a divorce and well about ur kid ....dats goanna suck !!

2006-06-09 04:04:30 · answer #10 · answered by a girl 1 · 0 0

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