My wife is a shrew. Shouts at me day and night. Any ideas, other than divorce?

Question

My wife shouts at me day and night - at any little thing. I am in a de-tox progrom for alcohol (successful so far). She was requested by her doctor to not shout at me during this 2 week period. Does not stop her - picks on any little thing and shouts about my family, my housework, anything.

By the way I make a very decent salary in the silicon valley and support my wife and my 2 kids. I am not perfect but do the best that I can.

I try to resolve issues by discussion but get shouted at in return. This is a pattern with us.

What are options other than divorce (she refuses to go to counseling)? We have 2 little children

Answer 1

If she is not willing to make the marriage work by talking to you in a civil manner or going to counseling, then divorce will eventually come whether you want it or not. Marriages only fail when one or both parties stop wanting to try. Tell her if the two of you can't get this resolved, then it is she who is giving up on the marriage.

Answer 2

If your wife love you, and i mean love, she would try to stop the shouting and go to counselling, now this is what you can do, get yourself an apartment, not a house, go there for a while let the kids know you are going to therapy for your health.. spend more time relaxing to some music or reading a book, set your mind at ease, if she see you Left the home she might wake up and help herself to help you, OK, stress is the number two killer in the human society now, there is more than one way of skinning a cat.

Answer 3

How important is your sobriety ? People places and things.I realize your in pain, must you put the children through it as well? the best thing in the worldis an old fashioned letter if she won't listen maybe she'll see how you feel in black and white, don't forget to let her know that it hurts your heart every time she yells because it effects everyone around the children too remind her that you are trying the best you can to be a good husband and father, that you work and take care of things, your getting recovery so you can be a better husband , a better best friend and a better father. bye for now signed born2damromantic

Answer 4

I believe that your wife is probably a complete nag. You you feel you are always wrong. I think that your "drinking problem" has had a huge effect on your relationship. I know because I have been there. I hated my husband for a long time because of his drinking and I nagged and nagged and nagged. He ended up cheating on me because of it. Not to my fault, we ahve 3 children 3 and under, so I never got a break. If I may assume, she is the one who is at constant care of you 2 young children. Although you bring in the money, she still needs support at home. Not only support, but if you want you marraige to work, you need to let her know how much she helps by tkaing care of the kids. One thing that my husband and I learned, your job will not always be there but your family will as long as you treat them right. Give her a litte love and props for what she does during the day, it may not be the answer, but it all matters. As for refusing to go to counseling - thats bullshit. Maybe she is going though some post-partum issues? Wish you the best of luck!

Answer 5

If divorce is out of the question because of the children, I would advise you to go ahead and divorce. I lived through almost 20 years of abuse and alcoholism "for the children". Trust me, you will be a much better father to the children once the stress of the "shrew" is off of you. I applaud you for your de-tox, and hope you have a support system to help you maintain that. I'm not a big fan of AA, but try to find someone, family, friends who really care about you and who will support you through this. Have you ever thought that maybe your spouse is trying to sabotage your sobriety? I wish you the best, and God Bless.

Answer 6

Couple suggestions. Record her doing it, then have someone she respects listen to it, and take it to her, and have them try to talk to her. Maybe she's just always yelled at you because of your drinking, but you were in an altered state, and didn't pay attn. Or if not, if this is new behaviour for her, maybe she's just scared to trust you are changing, and subconciously, she's pushing you to see what you'll do. Or maybe you are just really sensitive to criticism at this stage in your life, due to everything else you are dealing with. I wouldn't suggest giving up on her; if you were an alcoholic and she stuck with you, then she must love you somewhat, I would assume, cause that's a pretty rough situation to be in. And not to be preachy, but have you tried prayer? yes, I'm a Christian, but I don't shove God at anybody. However, I work with a detox center that is faith based, and the men in the program all find a great strength in God to help them. Hope whatever you decide, you can both come to a peaceful agreement that is best for your babies. Might I suggest not calling her a shrew to her face, though? that wouldn't help.

Answer 7

Ear plugs? Sobriety forever would help. Walk out of the room every time she starts that yelling. Don't respond to her, ignore her, and keep calm. Suggest either counseling or divorce. Tape record her so you have proof of her ignorant ways in case you need it in court for custody or some other reason. Don't feed her stupidity with yelling back. This stuff really may work. What have you got to lose? Man, do yourself a favor like I did years ago, and stop drinking. For yourself and for your kids. You know, those kids see and hear everything and thats not cool. Pray about this too is my advise........

Answer 8

Honestly if you're not happy and you're definitely not being treated properly, then ask yourself why not get a divorce? I mean marriage is about love and compassion but obviously a little of that's missing here. I know that you love her and don't want a divorce because of that love and the small children but think of what could be better in the long run. Think about how you deserve to be treated and the life that your little ones deserve, because constantly hearing daddy get yelled at by mommy will not help them in the future....Good Luck and honestly think about this.

Answer 9

You easily said she is a shrew.. but have you ever thought why she is behaving like that..? Men when depressed .. not happy go buse.. roam with others avoiding home.. but what about woman..? you seem to be fairly good enough.. so forget the word of divorce and try to think from her side and if it does not works out make her understand .. after you start being the best husband..

Answer 10

Tell her that if she doesn't quit screaming at you and doesn't get some kind of counseling for herself or for your marriage, you will take the children and get a divorce. THEN you will get her attention. You probably don't want to divorce because of your children, I can sympathize with that. But, your children will be far better off in a environment where their mother isn't screaming at their father 24/7. They will do just fine, I'm sure. You have to do what's best for them and yourself.