i need some advice....?

Question

i get a call from my father 3 days ago telling me that my grandmother is in the hospital with pnenomonia(sp) and a urinary track infection that got bad. she is in a nursing home so naturally i was angry to find out that they had let it go for so long.yesterday my dad tells me that they think that the urinary infection may have gotten in her blood and the dr wld tlk to them about it. he calls me today and tells me that the bloodwork looked good and they were gng to give her meds. he calls an hour later and tells me that the dr wants to have a meeting with the family. i get a call tonight and learn that my grandma had a stroke at the nursing home and that hospice came in and they removed the feeding tube and IV and that they are gng to give her pain meds to keep her comfortable and they are giving her a few days to live...i am so mad..how did the nursing home let this go and how did she decline so fast and what happened? does anyone have any advice?

Answer 1

First off, I'd like to extend my premature condolences and am sorry that you're even going thru this.

Talk to your father and see if you and him can put your head together and consider legal action. I'm not saying sue. There's no one to sue, not until you get a case. There should be an investigation with this place. Take it from there, but also.....

On the other hand, my father's in the medical field and 1 day before my grandmother passed on last November she was doing fine for a couple of days after having complications. She was talking like her usual self until she slipped into a coma of sorts... My father termed that "the calm before the storm" and that he had seen that all the time at his hospital. He has been dealing with patients for almost 30 years now, so I definitely take incentive in that. This is likely what it was....she was doing ok for a time following her malady, but whatever was the underlying cause of her condition went in and took over even when she appeared to be up and around. It's a sad and confusing part of death. Apparently, it's also common.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I don't trust nursing homes. I worked in two of them about 10 years ago. I loved working with the elderly so decided to take a nursing aid class and get certified. My first day on the job, I saw a nurse take a shower hose and put it in the face of one of the patients to shut her up. I could not believe what I was seeing! Latter that week I went down the hall and saw one of the patients screaming in pain. She had so may bed sores on her body from not being turned like she should have been. I saw patients staying in diapers full of poo for hours on end. When I asked if I could go and change them, they said leave them, we will get to them when we can. I lasted only two weeks at this job. I could not bare to see how the elderly were being treated. It broke my heart. After I left the job, I reported what was happening there, Months latter they were shut down. There is not much that you can do without proof. It does sound like your grandmother was pretty sick and they should have gotten her to the hospital a lot quicker than they did. Bless you and her.

Answer 3

Forgive my bluntness but being bipolar I must say this. You are no good to your children or grandmother if your anger and anxiety is spiking through the Lithium.
You wanted advice...my suggestion is monitoring your moods...taking out time for yourself.
Have you done anything foryourself today...simply because you are worth it?
Lithium is no magic pill any more than the Risperiodol or Zyprexa or the Halidol I used to take. No matter how ticked you are about Grandma and the hospice...you may just end up joining her in a hospital.
We deal with stress very badlyas I am sure you know by now. If you allow this to derail you...your three kids will have more to worry about than your inability to leave the house.

Five slow breaths at the beginning of every hour.

A moment taken away from the kids and the house and grandma...five minutes just for yourself...order some roses...god knows you deserve them...

Cammomile tea or mint...in the evenings jsut before the kids come home if that is their schedule...

Your favorite record or song...handy on theCD player or on your mp3 player...something that soothes you ar inspires

seek out or arrange for a CD by your favourite artist...

no alcohol if you are on Lithium
no caffeine
no soft drinks
limit your sugar intake try honey instead
increase your water intake
if you can and there is time...take a nap during the day or afternoon ifyou get help with your children
if you don't have the time...make the time.
Order a bouquet of roses and have them delivered to you
The present...being in the now...the moment... is a gift we give ourselves...you have three children...you just got on Lithium...Risperidol did not work but is stillin your system and will take time to comeout ofyour system...and now your grandmother.
If your grandmother takes a turn for the worse...and you are not on an even keel...relatively speaking...that worry you have about your kids being saddled with a mommy gone manic or depressed again may come to pass.
Find a way to remain relatively calm...and yes I know how hard it is...recharge yourself before you go see your grandmother...please.

These are the things I suggest in lieu of advice about your grandmother. From one bi-polar to the other...I can almost hear the strain in your voice...and that is no good.
Sucks big time about your grandmother. My grandma was the most important woman who has ever graced my life. I wish all the best for you and yours.
Please take care of yourself...it will take time for the Lithium to saturate your system...make sure your doctor is good at monitoring your blood levels so itr does notbecome toxic to you.
Stress can alter your body chemistry radically.
I am sure you are already doing some of the suggested stuff. I mean you no disrespect and I am not hinting that you do not know how to take care of yourself. And I am not riding to your rescue either. You asked for advice. The best I can do is suggest from my limited experience and that of other people with bi-polar disorder. If you should need an online forum for people with bipolar disorder...and you can't find any...you know how to reach me. I find being able to post to others like myself...an immense comfort...and I get real world experience coming back to me.
Good luck with your grandmother...i iwsh your children well...butmost of all I hope you find a center...within the storm you find yourself in.
Peace and blessings.

Answer 4

it is not the fault of anyone, your grandma is at her old age and they are not that healthy... do not fight with anyone, just be around with her and let her feel your love. if it is her time, then let her go with your love... it is not just your lose but the family so be there with everyone. God bless.

Answer 5

awwww it will be okay..im sorry!!! good luck