I have a 10 step daughter. She lives with us. When she vist her mom or her mom's family, she comes back with a bad attitide towards her dad my child and me.When she hasn't visited them for a while she is so different. I have been married to her dad for 4 years and this problems seems to be getting worse. A few weeks ago she was acting really bad so I sat her down to talk to her, and she broke down crying. She said that her aunts and grandma talk really bad about me and that she thinks if she loves me that it mean she doesn't love them. It hurt me a lot to hear her say that, I told her that we don't always love the same people are family does, but I don't think it helped much. I had promised her that our talk would be between us and so I can't really say anything to them, and I wont keep her away from them, they are great besides this. I don't think her mom really says anything bad about me but she wont get involved. How can I make the situation better on every one.
2006-06-08 16:39:48 · 8 answers · asked by lee b 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
She is really close to her grandma and aunts they mostly raised her until she was 6
2006-06-08 16:41:19 · update #1
the talk shows she trust you.... that was a big step so don't think you have not made head way with her..... she is just in a bad spot. ... remind her often that HER feeling are valid and that you do understand.... keep building on that trust..... tell her a very minor secret about YOU..... give her back the trust..... make it a 2 way street and not a 1 way........ leave her little notes about silly things....... that you thought she looked pretty in a certain outfit, or that you appreciate her doing a chore for you..... give her grown up things to do..... make her feel a part of the family..... but reinforce that it is OK to love all .... explain to her families do NOT always live under 1 roof....... there are all kinds of families..... the word family has a lot of meanings...... but LOVE is the glue to it all.......... God bless
2006-06-08 16:55:59 · answer #1 · answered by Annie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can relate. It was hard for me to talk up to my Aunt and Grandma when they would talk abut my mom behind her back. I was 21 and married before I could stand up for her. I also can relate to the feeling of loving others. I have another half sister that I have never met and feel that my brother and sister that I do know and was raised with would feel betrayed if I contacted her. You just have to keep showing your love and support for her feelings and reinforce your love to her. I'm sorry, but it seems that until she matures a little more and is able to understand and control her feelings, things are going to get worse before they get better. Just remember how hard this is on her.
2006-06-08 23:48:58 · answer #2 · answered by Holly G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't agree with your stance in saying you won't keep her away from them.
In your position I would do as much as possible to discourage or hinder the visits without being seen to do so. I don't mean trying to manipulate the child into not wanting to go, I mean just allowing circumstances to obstruct the visits.
When the child does go to visit them be sure to send along plenty of photos showing the happy family life with you and the father.
Let those b++ches have something to compete against.
2006-06-09 05:48:32 · answer #3 · answered by leadbelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.....poor kid! First I think you should talk to her dad. He really is the one who should be taking care of this. I also think you need to let said kiddo know that she can love both families....and that part of you loves them too....think about it. They raised her for a while and you love her...they had to have put a bit of themselves into her. Let her know that YOU are thankful for all they have done and will do for her. You should also make it a point to invite them over or out with your "new" family. Even if they refuse EVERY TIME....you will be sending a strong message to the kiddo. She will know that you tried your best to form a bridge. There is no need for you to point this out...she will see it over time.
Good luck and stay strong.
2006-06-08 23:56:54 · answer #4 · answered by adnerb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I get the connections right your husband is the girl's biological father. If so, then this should not be your cross to bear alone. You should get his input before asking us strangers. If you can't agree, then go for outside advice.
2006-06-08 23:47:43 · answer #5 · answered by Houyhnhnm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really dont know what to tell you besides me and my stepmom do not get along so be happy yall do. if you can talk to her do it more often. try to be nice even when she has an attitude
2006-06-09 00:16:53 · answer #6 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know you must show kindness to her or let your child be friends with her you must let her out of problem or shes gonna be so depressed until shel be crazy just lie that your relationship between you and his dad are fine.
2006-06-09 00:06:50 · answer #7 · answered by lenlen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her time to settle thing.
2006-06-09 06:42:16 · answer #8 · answered by saint 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋