why do people have to put others down to make themselves feel better?

Question

This happens to me a lot. all my life it's been happening. so much so, that I've been looking inward, and have changed some things about myself I feel. but it still continues, and I know I'm not perfect, but I don't want to be. If people don't want to accept me, they should just leave me alone, why won't they? Why do they just want to make me feel bad, and torment me, so they feel ok? It's affecting me emotionally, and in turn, physically. It hurts so bad. I try to forget and not give importance, but I can't, it's hard. Help! I want to say my peace, but it's only gonna provide more fuel for the fire, and nothing gets resolved. It's members in my family doing this, and they just feel it's their right to. They say, it's because we love u. ARe peopl who love u supposed to kill u from the inside out? Maybe it's my fault for being too sensitive, and taking everything seriously, but I don't know when they're joking, and I jusst want all of it to stop for good. Is happiness too much to ask?

Answer 1

Your family needs to leave you alone if it makes you feel so badly....alot of negative critsm is bad...They need to accept you for you....not what they feel you should be....Your happiness should come first...If they know how unhappy you are, they Should leave you alone!! You will have emotional scars and need treatment if not left alone...If you haven't told them exactly how you feel, Tell them!! Don't keep everyting inside!! If they don't leave you alone, if still in school, talk to school councilor...

Answer 2

i'm an african canadian and i grew up in an all white community and went to all white schools,i was picked on alot.having asked the question i got 2 answers as i got older 1 people pick on what is different,2 and most often people pick to be with the in crowd and to take away from their own faults.most people are not comfortable with themselves and the better shape their in and the better they look the less confidence they have they always feel something is missing so they pick and put others down.
it takes time but i have learned to be happy with me and my family,kids,friends love me and that's all that counts.i have family that picks on my wife and kids and me i simply tell them that their no better and have serious problems if the only way they can make themselves feel better and their lives having meaning is to put me down.then i tell them if they can't say anything nice then see ya i don't need their crap.it is hard but it takes conditioning to just blow people off and not take it to heart. good luck

Answer 3

listen my friend, you don't want any body to make happy, that a naturel thing, you sould put yourself in a situation to be happy by you.Uneducate people always try to put others down,don't let that happen to you be strong and ignore them,if you are really care about what they said that will affect you and cause a lot of problem specialy your health.Your parent have right to talk to you and let know that how dangerous is the world that live in, i'm pretty sure they won't put you down.Ma belle(beautyful) be a strong young woman and don't let yourself down so easy like that ,i bet you are a beauty that why? give your live to Jesus and you will see everything is gonna be alright.

Answer 4

You need to go to one of your family members that you are close to and tell them the same thing as you wrote, or if you are not comfortable with that, let them read it. Obviously this is bothering you a great deal and you need to try to make them understand how it is affecting you. We all have faults. None of us are perfect. Most people who ridicule others, do it because they have low self esteem themselves and if they put someone else down it makes them feel better. Please talk to someone you trust about this and hopefully you will be able to make them understand how much pain this is causing you. I wish you all the luck!

Answer 5

Putting someone down is an evolutionary instinct in the absence of a more productive method of gaining consensus. Others generally would rather work with you than against you, but they will do whatever is most productive. By empathizing with their needs, assuming good faith in their actions, and trying to find a win-win scenario, you can make it easier and more useful for others to build you up for the common benefit than to tear you down.

Some people are so used to tearing others down, that you might have to tell them verbally, "I want to partner with you to find something that works for both of us, but I feel put down and that feeling doesn't work for me."

Above all, own everything you feel and do. Never tell another person what their motivations are. Never blame your feelings or actions on someone else.

Answer 6

well i can say that personally i had this problem as well once i started going to theraphy i realized that people how put others down only do it because they are extreamly insecure about them self my mom for example was always putting me down and once i realized that it was just a direct reflection of her own insecurities i stoped letting it bother me and she accually started opening up to me and sharing her insecurities honestly i believe she was doing it out of jelousy she was seeing that i was happy and didnt want to be unhappy alone she wanted someone else to share her sadness i know it is really hard to not let it bother you infact i became anirexic because of my aprents constintly telling me i was fat and i came out of it because i relized they were only saying it because they were both extreamly over weight you arent being to sensitive thats the first thing you need to stop thingingi thought it to but your feeling are always inportant and if it hurts you then you ahve ever reason to feel that hurt but i think maybe you should trying telling yourself positive things about your self every day and even more when some one is attacking you emotionaly if you have to right a list of positive things and when your feeling bad about your self pick one on there to say over and over again in your head and think of a spicific time that the thing you picked aplied

Answer 7

From your name, I would guess that the teasing has to do with weight. Next time someone says something about your weight, say, "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can diet". Put the shoe on the other foot for a minute.

Also, be straight up and tell them the teasing or ridicule is doing nothing more than making you feel worse about yourself and if they want to help, shut up about it.

Answer 8

Many people have never heard of the term schadenfreude (SHAHDn-FROI-deh), but this old German word defines one of the most common guilty pleasures in human nature: satisfaction from the misfortune of others. This has been researched and shown neurologically that a chemcial responsible for pleasure is generated when we witness other misfortunes, or hear about them

Answer 9

hey this has happened to me too...they do it because something inside of them hurts and they are just trying to get rid of that something inside of them to make themselves feel better inside and so whenever they do get rid of that something they take it out on people that has never did anything to them but because the people that were in there way of doing something that becomes the people that they take it out on or they will do it because they know that you won't do nothing about it so they will keep on doing it because they know that it gets to you....that's how i see it....i also see that it does get to you alot so the next time that they do it to you you should just ignore it because once they know that it doesn't get to you they will stop doing it to you and go find somebody else to pick on.....and no happiness is NOT to much to ask for.....

Answer 10

o hey dont feel bad coz ppl makes u wanna feel down....all they do that is coz they are treated the same way by others too so just to pretend that they are also kool and are on top level they put u down....so its okay i mean they are just retard.....what u r is inside you its best to ignore them....they are just some losers who were put down by someone else and they are doing the same to you to make u feel bad so then they can forget the imbarassment the felt moment ago....so if u feel down just czo those ppl made u...well trust me ur jsut helpin them get some relief and its best to help ppl right and guess what happiness is in helping others so i guess ur helping those retards