When I try to talk to my husband about something that is wrong or something that I have a problem about with him he gets defensive. I dont come to him mad or anything, I mean I do the whole sit down I want to talk to you in a calm manner type of deal. And also for some reason hes really good at changing the whole situation to be my fault. And honestly im getting to the point where I want to seperate.
2006-06-08 09:06:16 · 11 answers · asked by truedestiny1984 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh heck, all guys are like that...matter of fact just as many woman are like that too. What if your husband was always sitting you down to calmly but firmly tell you all the things you are doing wrong. If you're anything like me, you get defensive too. It's HUMAN nature. NOBODY likes to hear the bad stuff. You have 2 choices. You can either leave, or except him for who he is. Counseling might work for a while, but really, most people revert back to their old ways in no time at all.
2006-06-08 09:44:19 · answer #1 · answered by mslorikoch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you are talking to him calmly about issues he is probably thinking in his head that it has to turn out to be someone's fault - so he takes the initiative to be defensive and put it all on you before you can do it to him. He might have been brought up in a household where this is how his parents acted.
Talk to him and explain to him that what you are talking about is no one's fault and that you just want his input on how to handle the situation. Tell him that everytime you talk to him he is defensive and you don't understand why. He needs to know how you feel and he needs to know how he is acting. Try to work it out together, but if he continues to be defensive then get in to see a good marriage counselor.
2006-06-08 09:13:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation with my ex-husband. Still to this day he is defensive when someone tries to talk with him about things. That is only one of the reasons why I left and divorced him (he also lied, cheated, used/abused drugs, abused me verbally, etc). I don't know what you can do other than go to counseling with him, maybe even have him go to counseling by himself as well so he can figure out why he is like this. I had wished my ex would do counseling when we were together, but he never did. I now see that it never would have helped him as he is mentally sick. I am not saying that your husband is sick, just that he might need some counseling to help him figure this out. Maybe he doesn't even see anything wrong with what he's doing.?
Good luck! I hope that it all works out for you.
2006-06-08 09:13:36 · answer #3 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Guys think everytime a woman brings up something she doesn't like, he's expected to fix it. Men are fixers. But if they don't think they can fix it, the natural response is to be defensive. The way to bring it up is to ask questions. Open ended questions that start with "what, why, where, when, how" Closed questions are questions that can be answered with "yes or no" Those kind of questions don't get much dialogue going.
2006-06-08 09:12:57 · answer #4 · answered by larry r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is he so defensive how are you approaching him when you talk to him if i may ask? You both may need counseling here too. He should not be turning everything around on you. If you would like to talk to my wife and I we are here for you as well!
2006-06-08 09:51:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He blunt with him make it know what your intentions are if he does not get it straight in his mind.
If he does not follow suggestive behavior modification, then use directive suggestion.
Start out with the phrase: If you were too.
If this does not work, then use. Do this for me......Honey!
2006-06-08 09:43:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same problem as u. its hard to deal with i know. i cant tell u what to do in your marriage but mine, im seperating until he gets his junk together.
2006-06-08 10:51:25 · answer #7 · answered by caramel_sexy20 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL HIM TO GROW UP NO ONE LIKES A BIG BABY. TRY BEING A WOMEN WITH A HUSBAND THAT WANT LISTEN.HA HA
2006-06-08 10:31:09 · answer #8 · answered by 110 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awwww you sound so perfect. .........go ahead take some life changing advice from the collection of perverts losers and wanabees on yahoo answers
2006-06-08 09:35:19 · answer #9 · answered by Guy R 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well depending on how long this has been going on,
counseiling is an option, finding ways to make it less confrontational is another possiblity
but he has to come halfway also :)
2006-06-08 09:12:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋