How do I get my husband to stay home?

Question

My husband is more concerned about going to play cards or going to parties than he is staying home and spending time with me and our two children. Any advice?

Answer 1

he does it because you put up with it. all along you have just accepted it, now you don't like it. first tell him you would like for him to stay home with you and the kids, its his family and its where he should be. if he won't (besides being a jerk) you are going to have to take more drastic measures, a taste of their own medicine is usually effective for men, so next time he's home in the evening get in the car and leave him alone with the kids, they are his kids and just as much his job as they are yours.

when you get home (make it late) and he questions you about it, say 'hey if you get to go out 3 times a week then so do i!! this is a partnership not a dictatorship, i thought thats the way you wanted things since you do it all the time, honey, did i misunderstand what you were trying to tell me by going out all the time? i was sure you meant that we parents deserve some time away and i should feel free to treat this family the same way you do' i would then add that if this isn't his belief then you might as well be single because he is never around anyway, if things get nasty tell him the way it is...if you won't spend time with me i will darn sure find someone that will, i didn't get married to sit home alone every night. the fact is he's going to keep doing it as long as you keep putting up with it and that is really all there is to it. you teach people how to treat you and what you have taught him is that he doesn't need to think about or spend time with you and the kids because no matter what he does you'll still be sitting at home waiting for him when he bothers to get there!

for master da i also don't think its your job to entertain him, if he is being nagged maybe he oughta learn to do something around the house and contribute instead of saying oh i know i didn't do that but now she is nagging me about it so i'm gonna run away from my responsibilities and play with the boys, its ridiculous.

Answer 2

Right now, you are like a basketball sitting in his closet; you're there waiting for him anytime he gets the notion to shoot a few hoops. Make yourself less available with your attention focused elsewhere so that it becomes a challenge for him to get you interested in spending time with him.

You deserve as much 'time off' as he does, right? So ask him when (not if, when) he can stay home with the kids so that you can pursue some interests of your own. Some suggestions are classes, civic involvement, volunteer work, clubs, joining a gym, church work, a lecture series, etc. Check your newspaper's activities calendars for ideas. Make sure to drown him in appreciation to show that you enjoy greatly your time away from him.

If he's not willing to take on his child care responsibilities, hire a babysitter. Yes, it will be a financial hardship, but that will putting at least part of the burden onto him. Tell him you "can't stand" being home alone with the kids every night any more than he can (even if it isn't true) and that the family will have to cancel cable TV or something to pay for the sitter. Start serving a lot of beans and cabbage and cheap food to pay for the sitter too.

Do you see the strategy here? Right now HE is happy and has no problems. You have to make this problem affect HIM too.

When he starts to whine about being home alone with the kids so much, ask him to suggest some activities that the whole family -- or just you two -- can enjoy together. He will be more committed to it if he thinks it's his idea.

Answer 3

Give him a schedule like -playing cards once a week and the time limit. Anything more than once a week is not acceptable for a man with wife and children. Period. If he objects, tell him you will leave him. If he isn't frightened by the threat, tell him you are going on a trip for three weeks (either to your parents' or just a vacation spot) and DO it. He has no choice but to take care of the children. You have to be strong about this so it works. He will definitely miss your presence at home what with the children to take care of. In most cases, women are held ransom by their husbands because of the children. Ironically it's their children who are the ones who thwart their efforts to threaten their husbands in leaving. They know you won't leave because of the children that's why they continue to do what they are doing and not fear their wives leaving them.

Answer 4

It's time to confront him to see what he really wants and what he's really doing when he's not at home. I had a similar problem with my wife of nearly 10 years...we have 3 young daughters (11, 6, 2). Just before the youngest was born, she took a waitress job in a local bar. Turned out to be more of a party connection for her than a job, although the money was good. Long story short: she never worked as late as she said she did (was out boozing with her bar buddies after work), and sometimes didn't even have to work on the nights she said she was scheduled (more partying). Very sad...poor excuse for a mother and role model. Her actions showed that she just wasn't into it anymore, just like ur hubby's. Best to cut your losses now and move on.

Answer 5

He is not having fun at home so he is going out to have fun.
Does he have problems doing things you ask him to do. Are you always having to remind him to do something. Are you always having to make him go get something for you.
Well you might want to find a way to make him ENJOY being around you. Cause I'd bet dollars to donuts that he feels cornered, that you are constantly complaining about what he's doing or how he's doing it. So he leaves to be with people that do not cause those feelings in him.
Are you driving him away?
Is your house neutral in whats happening?
Or are you making sure he, the man that choose you to spend his life with, really has something going on at home that there is no way he'd want to miss it.
Think about it.
Or are you doing things that he'd

Answer 6

Put your foot down, let know how you feel. Let him know that you don't mind him playing cards once in awhile, but if he can't give up the parties for you, then tell him to choose. And if he chooses party time, then you need to move on... There are plenty of great men out there that won't treat you like that...

Answer 7

Give him an ultimatum, If he dosen't want to change then get a sitter and go out yourself with your friends, see how he likes that and if he don't care i'm afraid you don't have much of a future together. Seems sad but don't waste your best years on someone thats not worth it. You can leave, the kids will be fine.

Answer 8

When he gets back tell him he owes you a great dinner and entertainment tonight since he got lost on Wife Day! Sounds like he just wanted some time off without you getting angry that he took off a day. He is trying to make you think he is doing it for you, but it is actually all for him...He did get his day off, didn't he?!?

Answer 9

Sit down and talk to him about it. Let him know how often you believe he should be going out, plan family time and plan some time for you to go out as well. Be prepared to compromise, your word is not law and everything is negotiable, just don't let him push you too far the other way either.

Answer 10

Get a sitter and keep going with him when he goes to play cards or to parties.

Guys do need some time to themselves to be with friends. How often is he doing this????