Did I do the right thing? I can't stand being upset!?

Question

Here it goes: My best friend (let's call her Jane) and I throw a party for her sister. One of the ladies offered to help pay for the cost. Jane E-mails this girl (Julie). Julie goes nuts and fowards the e-mail to Janes soon to be brother in law (Mike) . (Who Jane hates for good reasons.) Mike calls me and tells me everything, and tells me he's going to pay for Julies part, tells me not to tell Jane. Also tells me he will not tell Jane it's from him, but from Julie. Knowing that Jane would hate me for not telling her (if it all came about) I called Jane and was honest with her. (My loyalty is to Jane) She was mad at Julie. Now everyone hates Kate! (me) I don't know how to deal with the fact that everyone is mad at me. (Not Jane) Why the heck would Mike tell me anything? He knows Jane is my best friend and that we keep no secrets or anything from eachother. Should I feel as horrible as I do?

I feel as though no matter what I said or didn't say it would of hurt someone. I was in a lose lose situation. I feel no regrets by telling Jane anything. Now everything is pinned on me. Instead of looking at why Julie had to foward the e-mail to Mike. I felt the same way I did yesterday before I told Jane as I do now that I did. What the heck? I feel like crap because nobody understands why I told Jane. Keeping it from Jane was eating at me. Why can't they see where the mistake was? Why am I to blame? I don't think I'll go to the wedding. It hurts that nobody understands.

Answer 1

TAKE SOME DEEP BREATHS AND THEN LET IT OUT, OKAY NOW YOU CAN SCREAM, CAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DID YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Jane is your friend and she came together with you and this julie person. Apparently Julie was in over her head cause she couldn't do by herself and needed to ask for help from Mike. Why Jane and Mike don't talk is unknown right now but if all three were coming together to throw someone a party why those it matter where the money came from ? The party wasn't for jane so why should she care the party was for her sister and if Mike is you soon to be brother in law feelings should have been put a side besides its not for her that he was doing it.

You as a friend did the right thing and honestly if he know that you and jane are that close he told you knowing that you will tell her cause he simply could have gave julie the money and julie could have given it to you guys as if it were her money and none of this ever will have happen!

The problem is between Mike Julie and Jane let them handle it it Julie and Mike want to be mad at you fine well Fu*k them your friend is Jane and as long she isn't mad at you thats what counts

Answer 3

Whew!

It sounds like the "fly in the ointment" was Julie. At the start, evidently Jane trusted Julie or she wouldn't have e-mailed her. Why would Julie "go nuts?" Was Julie aware of Jane's feelings for Mike?

It looks like you got caught in the middle, but here's something for you to consider: When Mike called you and he told you not to tell Jane and IF you agreed, then you are in the wrong. IF you told him Jane is your best friend and that you don't keep secrets from her, you have done nothing wrong.

Also, if everyone except Jane is now mad at you, and Jane is now mad at Julie, how did everyone find out that you were the one who told Jane that Mike was paying for Julie's part?

Sounds like Jane isn't as loyal to you as you are to her.

Think about it and know that this, too, will pass...

Take care.

Answer 4

No why is Julie talking to Mike about paying for a party for his own soon to be wife?? They have enough to worry about regarding money. They should all be mad at Julie for going behind Jane's back. As well as Mike. Talk to the people are mad at you and ask why. Let them know they put you in an unfair position. Also, Mike should have just talked to Jane and said "Listen, I'm going to help pay for this party for Julie's sake." Was it too much for Julie to pay? There should have been more communication and someone should have spoke up. Nothing gets settled going behind people's backs. There could have been a compromise too. Sorry they all suck!

Answer 5

It sounds to me like no matter what you said or didn't say it would of hurt someone. If you would of keeped it from "Jane" then it would of hurt her and bugged you. If you said something like you did then Mike would be hurt. It was a lose lose situation, Mike should of keeped his mouth shut and not told you if he didn't want "Jane" to find out. He should of know that you would be true to your best friend.

Answer 6

if you hadn't done what you really did you could have lost Jane's trust so in my opinion you did it all right and anyway Jane is not mad at you, is she. So just relax and enjoy your friendship. I know it can feel awful at first but things like this are really easily forgotten. They are just drops in the sea of your beautiful life. Very few things can be valued more than true friendship.

Answer 7

No screw them....you did what was right, it's not your fault that everyone else is dishonest and ok with playing games with Jane. You're a good friend...take pride in that!

Answer 8

You had your girl's back, don't worry about what other people think. They will eventually come around. Maybe next time tell Mike that you cannot NOT tell your BF anything. Then he won't confide.

Answer 9

It's clear that if all this bitching is going on for something so trivial that these people have nothing better to do than backbite. Not lucky people. You did the honourable thing for your friend. Feel proud not sad.

Answer 10

Sounds like there needs to be lot of drinking at this party! Enjoy!

Answer 11

I lost you there, but the only advice I can give is after a while this will blow over and everyone will forget about it.