im losing my self confident?

Question

my husband and i marriage for two years and have 1 kid i dont know why he always putting me down he never believes in my skills he never trust me, he's been cold to me and i dont know why although im doing everything to be the best wife for him but he never appreciate what im doing he always says that im nothing for him insulting me and my family sometimes and i dont feel that he still loved me,im trying to talk to him about my feelings and make work things out because im always crying alone without someone to talk to im so down and sometimes i saw him jacking off watching in internet and i was feel so unuseful. we have lack of communication lack of romance im trying to reach out with him but he always avoiding me. i really feel so nothing please give me some piece of advice

Answer 1

Obviously there is some definate problems here. Maybe he does not want to be with you anymore. You need to ask him what he wants. If he is being verbally abusive to you that is wrong. You should leave and get on with your life. Life is too short to be miserable.

Answer 2

I am so sorry to hear your story. It is difficult . Counseling might help but a person is not going to change unless they want to.

Ultimately you need to know who you are. You need time alone. Your self image is not dependent on him or what he thinks. You are of incredible value to God. That is what matters. I would say pray first. Second get out of the marriage. I don't mean seek a divorce but say to him in all seriousness, we should separate. Ask him to leave and be serious about this. If he senses you don't mean what you say -- he will laugh and ignore you. This takes some strength . And what you need is time alone to regroup and find yourself. You can't do that in your situation.
In fact go and pack all his things and leave them at the front door.
Don't show weakness and confidently tell him to leave but respectfully. Have a family member or close trusted friend there if you need some support and witness.

If he doesn't leave then get a legal separation or restraining order. call thge police. He will realize you are serious.You refuse to be treated like an animal. You refuse to be looked down upon. This is bad for your child to see. You have a God given right . If you would rather leave than you pack your kid's bags and yours and go. Don't come back. But I think him leaving is best.

So I am willing to bet he will straighten out once he knows you are serious and ain't going take the crap. Once he realizes you are not playing around then he might say some things to weaken you . To give you hope. He might say "I am sorry. "Don't buy it. You both need time away . You need to heal . But he needs to lose you and lose the comforts of home. That is the best teacher for him . One does not appreciate food until he has gone hungry. You don't appreciate a car until your car is in the shop for a week or more. He has disrespected you has committed adultery by getting into porno. Your marriage will not get better. There is no trust . How can a marriage work if there is no trust ? Do you want to be with someone who doesn't love or respect you ? I don't . Yes it may hurt but it is like getting a shot. It hurts a litle but it is good for you.

So please do this or you will be like so many women stuck in a bad situation. My wife was married before and stuck in a verbally abusive marriage for 17 years. He was very bad to her. She got out . And we've been married for 5 wonderful years.

Do you want the rest of your life to be miserable? I think you are a wonderful person for sticking it out and taking it for so long. Enough is enough.

Answer 3

Well, first I see him as a control freak. He can control your life and feelings and probably gets off seeing you miserable. To make himself feel like a man he has to make you feel like a nothing. This feeds his ego. He probably has not had many successes in his life. Keep in mind that he has the problem, not you. By putting you down by ignoring you, insulting you, not talking to you gives him the control and he feels like the big sh* t that he is. He is jacking off with the internet probably because he knows he can't cut it in bed with his wife. Now, you need to IGNORE him. Don't let him see how hurt you are. Stay busy with what you like to do. Don't be too available to his whims. You don't have to be the "wife of the year" for him...he doesn't appreciate it. Please don't let him put you down. When he insults you, ask, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, what did you say about your mother?" If you think he'll get physical, leave that one out. But, try to see that he doesn't like himself very much so he lashes out at somone else...you. How does he treat your child? Please have Plan B ready in case you need to chuck this marriage. You deserve someone who respects and loves you. This one can be thrown back.

Answer 4

Hunny my heart goes out to you, but you have to know when enough is enough! You don't deserve to be treated like that even if you aren't a the best wife. I know you love this man because your still with him even after all that but there comes a time when you have to think about yourself and stop letting him diminish your self worth. I would sit him down and tell him it's D day, ask him if he really even wants to your husband or if he's just there out of convenience. Prepare yourself for an answer either way and if he says he loves you and your marriage then tell him how you've been feeling and let him that if things don't change on his end then they will on your end and he'll find himself alone just like you've been feeling. Good luck, best wishes!

Answer 5

because you're a youthful youngster yet there is no choose that you need to have a low self self belief because you're youthful. At 14 ever component is dramatic and tragic and unfair and sophisticated that's an element and parcel of being an adolescent. concentration a even as do constructive issues, imagine what you may do for others and take the most objective of your self. Insha Allah you'll sense extra effectual quickly.

Answer 6

Find some counseling and help here. I really dont know why he is choosing to treat you this way. This is cold and mean but i wonder if he realizes he is doing this to you and how it is affecting and hurting you! Talk to him and tell him how you feel calmly and dont yell or nag when doing so. He obviously is cheating on you and having cyber sex with other people and women. Confront him and see what he has to say about the cyber stuff. See if he is open to working on your marriage and getting help at all.... If not you may have to move on and seperate and divorce him!

Answer 7

Ok hunny you dont need to live this way nor does your child everything that involves you will also your child. I was in your situation for way to long it turned into sheer hatred!!!! I was fat after my son was born is what he would say though I was still a size 7!!! Not fat, he would always put me down then we would talk and it would be ok for less then 24hrs! If he is avoiding you now it will only get worse!!! Be strong and think long and hard it will be the hardest decision you will have to make in your life. I am thankfull for leaving my ex and I found someone who loves me and my son!

Answer 8

Ok sorry about that. If there is no communication between the two of you, then there is no real reason you and him are together. If it's because of your child then just make it better for him. Leave your husband and get with someone better.

Answer 9

my advice to you girl, is don't let yourself confidence lie in what your husbands says, feels, or thinks about you. you need to take what you believe in yourself to boost your confidence. cant let him put you down. Love Must Be Tough is a great book to read its by Dr. James Dobson. you need to be strong and not let what he thinks change your opinion of yourself. God does want us to be wondeful wives and submit to our husbands but with that he didn't intend for us to be DOORMATS, EITHER. so get up, put on some nice clothes, do your hair and makeup and go to the mall or walk around and get out of the house, so something for you, and know that you are a beautiful woman and he is the one who needs some work

Answer 10

Do not feel like that honey..there's nothing wrong with you. It's your hubby!! he is in problem that we don't know why. First you have to find out the causes of your hubby changes.
If you still find very hard to discuss with your hubby, find a marriage counselor to help you both. good luck