My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We have been happy, we have talked about having children... starting a life together. The problem is, he is divorced and has a child. This never bothered me. But now he is going through a "breakdown". We haven't really broken up, but we are not really together either. I asked him what he needed me to do. He said support him, be there for him, and check in every now and then.
I am doing what I feels right. I love him enough to take a step back and give him some space and time to work through something he thought he was over.
So I guess my question is more like needing advice. I love him and he loves me and neither one of us feel like we are done with each other yet. Neither one of us want this to end. But we both agree that he needs some time and some space... so am I doing the right thing by standing by his side?
2006-06-08 04:46:58 · 32 answers · asked by jagerbomb_80 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
give it a little more time and go from there
2006-06-08 04:48:43 · answer #1 · answered by mizzred 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing in my opinion. He loves you and you love him, but he just need a little time right now to sort out his life, so he can completely dedicate himself to you. He is making a very mature decision asking you for this space knowing that he cannot give you everything you deserve, but at the same time knowing that it could cost him a relationship. he must truly know you love him and that you will stand by his side, support him, and give him the love he needs right now.
I applaud you for doing this for him. In the long run, it will make him love you all the more because he will know that no matter what problems the two of you face in the future, he will have a strong woman who will be their for him or the two of you to make it through the difficulties.
Good luck and I hope he is able to make it through his problems soon so that the two of you can be together completely, and show each other the love you both deserve.
2006-06-08 04:55:41 · answer #2 · answered by Raistliin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what's best for you to do is to just stand back and let him take over when you guys meet for a while. What I mean is, that you should just stop initiating social contact with him, let him decide when he needs to be alone and when he wants to see you. You should call him every so often to make sure he's okay, but your call should just be a call to chat, with no strings or expectations attached. The idea is to be there and be available for him, without in any way pushing your way into his life.
Part of the pressure he's going through (I'm guessing) is being caused by him feeling a little stifled by you in some way, like you're around too often, or you demand too much of his time or energy or you're distracting his thoughts and feelings while he's trying to sort out his head. It most likely is one of his issues that is the crisis rather than one of yours, but your presence is somehow making it worse.
Obviously, the main problem with what I'm suggesting is you taking a pretty subservient role in the relationship, by essentially surrendering all control of it over to him. The thing is that it's the only way to give him the space he needs without actually splitting up with him. It is sort of unfair on you though and if the state of affairs goes on too long, I think you'd be quite justified in just leaving him...
2006-06-08 05:01:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a lot of courage and patience to do what you are doing. I applaud you! You both love each other so stand by him, be there for him, and keep on doing what you are doing!:) If the two of you are truly meant to be together in the end, it will happen. Believe not only in him, but in your love and in yourself. Be strong, be compassionate, be loving. But also, know that this may take a very long time for him to deal with....there may come a time when you say, it's been long enough. Until then, keep supporting him and standing by him! Good luck and God bless!
2006-06-09 09:09:06 · answer #4 · answered by katrina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course your doing the right thing, I think it takes a lot of courage to stand back and give him the time that he needs to think things through......I believe that when you can actually do something like that, that means you truly do love a person, even if it means letting them go in the end, you realize that you can't cage him and his feelings and for you to be able to understand something like that....well, let's just say that there aren't a lot of people in the world that can do that. It sounds like both of you love eachother very much and I definitely wouldn't lose hope in him....just let him know that you are there for him and that you haven't stopped loving him. I believe he is being very honest with you by telling you what you can do for him and I would continue to respect that as long as he doesn't keep you "hanging on" forever.
Good Luck!!
2006-06-08 04:57:28 · answer #5 · answered by Blue_Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I applaude you for not being selfish. This is what love is all about. I believe you are doing the right thing. Your friend will go through many changes and there will be a time when you may not hear from him. Don't take it offensively but what he is gonig through is personal because his heart and emotions are involved and this will take time to heal. My suggestion for you is to give him as much space as possible and for you to get involved in something else. Now is the time for you to get your mind off of him and more on yourself. Love is something that you give away, sometimes you have to let go, if it he was meant for you love will come back to you.
2006-06-08 05:02:13 · answer #6 · answered by pradavee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to take a step back because has women we have learned since childbirth that we are the loving and caring one. We learn to nurish and when we can't it hurts.
One thing I learned was that when the person you love is dealing with HIS PROBLEMS all you can do is stand by him. We don't judge but listen and learn more about this person.
Stand by him and support him. Sometimes we have to take a step back and look at his world from the out side and that would give us a clear picture of what is going on. It has nothing to do with you and it's about him. But stand by his side...He will come around.
2006-06-08 04:55:08 · answer #7 · answered by deelitefuldreams 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what he asks of you. It sounds like you still love each other. Be there for him, but give him some space. This might take awhile. I think after you've gone through this a bit you'll be able to make a better decision about whether you want to continue as boyfriend and girlfriend. Be patient and see what happens. Be his friend right now. He needs you.
2006-06-08 04:53:36 · answer #8 · answered by Jack Nicholson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, stand by him, and be there for him, as long as he is not using you! If he starts to use you, then you need to move away for good. We all need love and support, especially when going through a hard time, but don't allow him to use you for sex, and nothing else. You need love and support too. Is he there for you?
2006-06-08 04:51:45 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most certainly, you are doing the right thing. The exact same thing happened to me when I was divorced. I don't know what I would be like today if it weren't for the support of my girlfriend. I love her more every time I think about that!
2006-06-08 04:50:28 · answer #10 · answered by foodlover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, thats the best that should be done. Very few people get that kind of support and love. I think you are lucky to get such a nice person in your life and he is the luckiest to get you who accepts him the way he is and cares so much.
Salute to you. Keep up the good work.
2006-06-08 04:53:45 · answer #11 · answered by anshu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋