Please help!!! I'm desperate to save my marriage?

Question

My husband and I have been having communication problems since last year but they weren’t as much complicated as now. One of our problems is that we used to be a sexual couple but he is suffering from premature ejaculation and it's very frustrating (he hasn't seen a Doctor because of many excuses) he also has to travel for business once or twice a week and I miss him too much. I don't feel like we are connected anymore, sometimes I hate him for not even asking how I feel... He claims to love me very much and I believe him because I love him too and I don't want to be more apart from each other; any time we bring this up we end up fighting and blaming each other. What should I do???

Some more details here. Yes, I do have a job from 9:00 am to 7:00 pm so I'm actually busy when he is away. Regarding the sex problem, He's had it since last year and he never tries to satisfy me doing anything different, He finishes right the way and starts complaining and saying how frustrated or tired or stressed out he is and that's it, he falls asleep... He's had appointment to the doctor but at the end he uses his job as an excuse and doesn’t go.

We've been married a year and three months. I am 28 and he is 32 years old. No kids.

Answer 1

You are going to have to be strong and help him with his issues.
To do this you need to get him to open up about things.
Try this, pick an evening when the two of you can go out to dinner and neither of you has to go to work the next day.
Pick a restaurant you know he enjoys, wear something you know he finds sexy on you too! Once there, stay very positive about things. Talk to him about all of the wonderful things the two of you have done together, both sexually and other ways also.
Tell him in a positive tone how you want some of these things back that you have temporarily lost. Explain to him how going to the doctor could help BOTH of you in so many ways.
Once you convince him to go, offer to go with him if it will help!
If your willing to do what ever it takes to get things back to the way they were, he will see this and also make an effort to do the same. It may take some time but be patient and stay positve.
Good luck

Answer 2

I think one of the most important things to remember in any marriage is those vows that we take as a couple. The beter or worse part may not meen much at the timde but sooner or later it comes into play. I strongly believe that anything can be worked out, but only if both people are willing to put forth the effort to do so. As far as his problem it definately is imoportant that he see a Dr. or the ather thing both of you can do is do your own research and find some ways to deal with this and possibly fix it. Who knows maybe this experience will be fun to explore together and it may even spark a new level for your relationship.Good luck and hang in there.

Answer 3

First, he needs to deal with the sexual problem and see a doctor. If he won't see a doctor then you need to help him deal with it. In truth it isn't a big problem since if you will give him a few minutes of recovery time he should be able to get hard again and continue on. The other issue is your missing him. This is normal but it sounds like it is causing an issue between you. You need to find a way to fill that time apart with activities that will enrich your life and that you can share with your husband when he returns from his trips.

Answer 4

Hello,
I am here to talk if you need a listening ear:) Premature ejaculation is common and normal at times... they do sell creams to help with that and pills too... Ask at a local adult book store about this and they may be able to show and sell you some products. Buy him some of this cream or pills and this may help and you do not need a prescription to do so this way... Also try oral on him and play and tease him so he can learn how to hold it longer and also when he gets close when you are on him orally let me tell you so you can slow down and then start slowly again that way he will hold it longer. This is what i do for my spouse and he loves it! You both need counseling and help here and maybe even marriage counseling. Whatever you do dont blame on him or nag him... Speak only loving and kind words to him. Remember it takes two to fight so choose not to fight and lash out to or back at him. Walk away when you are upset and breathe and calm down then when you are calm sit down with him and talk calmly. Check out this site at http://www.marriagetoday.org it is a great site and i also have a marriage list at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/letstalkmarriage.. My husband and i are here to help you and talk to you at any time!

Answer 5

when my ex-husband and i were having problems i used to bottle everything up and hope it would go away. obviously it didn't. now, in my current relationship i try to always be up front and honest. my advice to you would be to write him a letter. get everything out there. i have found that writing a letter helps because it is your true feelings, you can say exactly what you want with no interruptions. when talking face to face you risk the chance of becoming flustered, embarrassed or things just not coming out the way you want them to.please be honest with yourself and him. you'd be surprised how far an old fashioned letter can go. as for the premature ejaculation, there are many other things you can do for each other prior to intercourse. massages, fondling, oral....the list goes on and on. try some of these prior to intercourse for an enjoyable sexual experience for both of you. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 6

This sounds like he is getting a bit older,.....I imagine this is very complicated in the way it came about but nevertheless,.....it is an issue for you and you have to address it.......this lack of connection you feel is not uncommon though it may feel that way to you,....I think I'd seek some counseling for yourself, it seems to me that this is bothering you more than it bothers him and that wont change any time soon.......It doesnt mean you are any less of a woman or any less important to him. One of the things that destroys a sex life is a job that has "travel" attached to it,...Sex together often can tend to re-create a love life in that it can make a man "less sensitive" to sexual pleasure because of exposure simply to having sex alot. but, there are other forms of sexual pleasuring that you can do for him that will get him back in the swing of things,....this may sound kinda selfish for him but if you can arrouse him any other way and perhaps sacrifice something of your own labor in doing so, I think you might see some change, but it's just a suggestion.......I am a man so it seems kinda selfish on my part to take up for him!......When you and he were younger, you had sex more often and it seemed to not change until "what"?....it probably dropped off all of a sudden and then hasnt come back to the way it used to be....things do change, it is just part of life........He probably feels terrible about this himself and cant seem to talk to you about it.....Fighting is inevitable, just dont think about it so much and quit worrying about it, you'll only frustrate yourself.

Answer 7

The first thing you need to do is, very calmly, sit down and talk about the problem. If he is experiencing premature ejaculation, maybe it would help if he masturbated before you have sex, then it takes longer the second time. You need to be honest and open, and COMMUNICATE! When you can discuss a problem, you can solve it, Good Luck!!

Answer 8

I think you have much bigger fish to fry than you think, Sounds like he has some pretty big issues, if he was interested in you he could please you in many ways. He could use toys, oral, and/or many different creams that are out there. There must be a mental problem with him. Buy him some numbing creamn or the condoms with that fluid on them. But i think for some reason he has lost interest in you, have you put on weight? Has he had anything huge happen in his life lately? What was he like before and right after your wedding? I think a couselor might be in order. You two are really still newlyweds and should be like rabbits still.

Answer 9

Waow! as a man and husband i'm trying to put myself in his shoes. i think it must be very scary for him to have to face telling someone, even a doctor, that he has a premature ejaculation problem, that can be very humiliating. have yoou tried finding resources on the internet on treatment - resources you can send him to? i'm sure that if he loves you he wants you to be happy and that means in bed also which in turnmeans he must feel inadequate because he's afraid he cannot satify you. let me ask you this, does he satisfy you differently, with oral sex or manual stimulation? is there a way he can satisfy you prior to intercourse so that he doesn't feel like he's leaving you "wanting"? i'm sorry i don't have a miracle recipe, i really wish i did. i had the opposite problem once where i was dating a girl who would only be able to climax once in a while. she was always able to get to the brink but never managed to go over the edge, it was really awful for her and it made me feel like i was inadequate until we talked about it, i felt better and she started to climax more often. so in short bear in mind that he probably feels inadequate and humiliated. try and make sure he can make you climax in other ways and i'm sure that as the pressure from making sure you have had your pleasure reassures him, he'll be able to last longer when you have intercourse.

Hope this hels and good luck ;-)

Answer 10

Hey listen most couples go through this. This is a test of your marriage and your love for him and vise versa. dont nag at him so much give him a little space and he'll realize that he misses you im not saying leave him alone but just back off a little. you and him are both confused and you and him just need to think things out on your own. Good Luck!!!