i'm not sure how to say this politely?

Question

how do you tell a narcissist, that for once, you are not talking about them.

Answer 1

yodeladyhoo....that is carly simon....not the carpenters! mr.crawley, i've seen some of your answers (especially to me), i cannot imagine that you would have a problem with rudeness. tell them that they need to get over themselves, and for once in their pathetic life, they are not being talked about. be straight up...take the ego down a notch.

Answer 2

You mention "for once" in your question. So previous conversations you have spoken about the "narcissist"? Even so, simply tell the person if you have anything to say you will be sure to say it to their face. If they keep it up...tell them to quit ear hustling.....you are listening too hard.......or simply ignore the person all together. Be polite. Don't raise your voice. Maintain eye contact. Brush your shoulder's off and walk away from the person. Why waste your time trying to explain something to a person like that. Seriously, ask the person what would give them the inclination that you were talking about he/she. Does he/she actually feel that you are that kind of person to speak about her/him in that manner? Mention that in the future if there should be any problem or concern you will take it up with them personally and in confidence this conversation is solely between you and the narcissist. Does the person know you are writing about him/her calling her/ him a narcissist? So, in deed you are speaking of the person only in writing this time.......hmmmmm just kidding.

Answer 3

you can't because if they are a true narcissisit, then they will always think you are talking about them. why do you care, let them think what they want to. Is this question about me? Oh no, I am a narcissist!!!!! lol!

By the way, i am not thinking that all of your questions concern me, I am just joking around now, ,lighten up.

Answer 4

There is no polite way to say exactly what you're saying, you're crticising them and complaining about them at the same time, which is sort of rude by definition. You can say it in ways that *sound* polite:

I'm afraid that, contrary to my usually habits, I was actually talking about something other than yourself.

or

Though it grieves me to say it, your good self was not my actual subject of conversation.

or

I realise that this isn't something to which you're accustomed, but I wasn't actually referring to you.

Obviously these O.T.T. sentences will most likely come across as either fawning, patronizing or astoundingly sarcastic :)

If you want to be genuinely polite and friendly, you should probably just be honest with the person, if they're your friend then you're probably even allowed to sound annoyed without really being in to blame if they get offended. Just say something like:

Look man, you realise that sometimes you're not the only subject of conversation. I like you, you know, but sometimes it's kind of annoying how you seem to sometimes automatically assume that everything in the world revolves around you.

Generally you can make everything you say easier for the person to deal with, if you:

1. Include positive things as wel as negative ones.

2. Modify your words so that it sounds less absolute and not so big a deal (i.e. Use words like: Maybe, Sometimes, Possibly)

3. Take ownership of your opinions, try and avoid saying things you think are controversial in ways like "You are this" or "It is that", try and phrase things so they realise you're only talking about your opinion (i.e. I think it's like this, or I feel like they're like that)

I've had friends who are totally self obsessed and they're a pain sometimes. The one I always have to deal with is the two hour long monologue about their problems, which is followed by a conversation about one your problems which lasts about 17 seconds, before the subject mysteriously manages to return to theirs again >_<

I like fitpro11's first idea as well :)

Answer 5

Say:

Naturally, you will forgive, in your ultimate superiority, that I might take this briefest of moments to deflect life`s mirror away from you onto the simple fact that I am bleeding to death. Shall we take a moment to call 911? I promise, we can get back to the details of your life as soon as I have stopped bleeding; I do SO want to be alive so that I might not miss a moment of your fascinating existence...

Then just walk away for a year or two-- they MIGHT get it, but probably not, since they, of course, realize that you couldn`t have been saying anything bad about them-- but hey, you tried...


Alternatively, you could just slap them across the face and state:

"Byotch, it ain`t all about you! Chill for ONE SECOND? So I can talk!? Aiiiight..."

But that one slap might get a cap popped in your as*, so be careful, won`t you?

Good Luck, LOL

Answer 6

May I ask if I am the "narcissist" your talking about?

Answer 7

no matter how you say it, a narcissist will still think you are talking about them.

Answer 8

I guess the easiest way out would be to simply say "Oh, I was referring to Erik. I'm sorry, didn't mean to confuse you." If you want to be polite, but with subtle rudeness, you could say something like "What ever made you think we meant YOU?", with a confused look.

Answer 9

Just say "Sit down because I don't want you to pass out when you hear this shocking news! People talk about other stuff than you".

Answer 10

It's a no win situation. They think everything is about them, and if it's not then by just telling them that it isn't, then they have successfully turned it their way. Don't acknowledge them.