help! im in love with a married man.?

Question

i love my friend a lot, but he's married. i've never told him what i feel because i didn't want to start anything, as long as he's attached. but what's so annoying is that his wife's got him eating at the palm of her hand. the wife is 12 years older than him, and has a son from a previous marriage. the wife cheated on him years ago, but he still forgave her. but now, the wife is flirting with the ex-boyfriend of my female friend. i don't know why he hasn't got the guts to leave his wife. somehow, he has grown affectionate towards me, and would sometimes call me "honey" or "love" and friends think that i am able to fill a void that his wife cannot fill. the wife isn't a good wife at all. my poor friend works 12 hours a day only to come home with nothing to eat because the wife doesn't cook. he does the laundry for her, he cooks for her. he has always wanted a child, but she never gave him one. instead, she told people that HE is impotent. i want to help him, but how do i open his eyes?

by the way, the facts listed here were told to me by a mutual friend, not by him. somehow, i get a feeling that he wants to tell me his problems, but he does it indirectly instead (figuratively). friends (and i) think that he doesn't want me to get involved in his problems -- because he is concerned about my reputatio. i think he is afraid to leave the marriage for me, because he is probably worried that i don't feel the same... meanwhile i don't want to say anything while he is still attached. it's like we're waiting on each other... we are both cowards. we don't know who should go first.

Answer 1

Tell him that you love him! If he is going through all this crap and you tell him how you feel about him, it will be easier for him to make the transaction of leaving his wife because he will have someone who loves him and that's you. He's still with his wife because he thinks that it could work out with her, and doesn't know how you feel about him. You're probably the only person he can depend on to make him happy. So if you tell him and tell him to leave his wife and tell him what she's been doing now, maybe he'll open up his eyes and see that she doesn't love him otherwise she wouldn't be doing all this. Tell him that you DO love HIM.

Answer 2

well you got yourself in a tough spot huh/ well we know that the older woman thing isnt because he is like some men who wants a replacement for his mother...do we by the things you mentioned about not cleaning cooking doing laundry! now how old is the child she has from the previous marriage/ maybe he feels a love- yes but also a commitment and obligation to this child because he did enter into this relationship and now knows how shi--y a wife and maybe mother too she is. maybe he doesnt want to put this child through what he already might have went through..the divorce losing another male figure yadda yadda? hmm.. or maybe is she wealthy? maybe a i hate to say it a SUGAR MOMMA he does all the petty bs and she provides roof,monies car who knows. but seems to me there is something she may be holding over him? maybe she knows something about him you dont that does really happen in real life too ya know THE DRAMA... id let him know how you feel right out front and tell him or let him even read this yahoo amswers question you wrote out and let the universe take over maybe you are the one if even as a friend will help him open his eyes or let out the truth why he is staying in such a relationship

Answer 3

Your in a hard predicument. I know how you feel...really i do. I think you should tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. If it's obvious he's not into you, then leave it be. If he's into you too, you need to pay attension and make sure it's not just for sex. Some men stay married for a while and still love there wife but have a dream of a new sex partner because their board of the same thing. If the man loves his wife, then it don't matter if he has to do all the cleaning and cooking, because you can't have anything with him.

Answer 4

He is a grown man and has to make decisions for himself. Its easy for you to make her out to be the villain and the "evil wife" but the fact remains is that he has to realize for himself whether his marriage is worth staying in. Always remember that there are two sides to every story and that you are only getting one. Its easy to look at her as the bad guy but in reality you don't know everything that goes on between them. I am sure he has his faults just like she does. Its easy to put him up on a pedestal because you can't actually have him. For you own sake if you have to distance yourself from him until you can look at him for what he is. Just a friend. Find yourself someone who isn't attached that will be able to return your feelings and isn't in a lifelong commitment. You will be doing yourself a favor in the long run.

Answer 5

Well first of all even though his wife treats him bad that is still his wife and obviously he loves her. It seems like the women that treat a man bad are the ones that the man love the ground she walks on but a woman who treats them half-way decent are the ones they treat like a dog. And even if he did decide to leave her if he is cheating on her with you what makes you any special. In time he would have another friend on you. What goes around comes around...

Answer 6

well,it doesn't sound like you broke any moral laws yet. that is good, it means this guy isn't using you or lieing to you. if he does show you some affectionalte pet names, maybe its because he needs some one to talk to and he is hoping that you will be the first to bring the situation up. it sounds like he is weak when it comes to woman. his wife sounds dominerring and maybe he needs the woman to be in control, be his friend and talk to him. how long has he been married to this woman, there has to be a open communication, let him know how you feel for him, maybe it might open his eyes to the alledged fact that his wife is a control freak princess type woman.You would be giving him more choices if you let him know that you like him. whatever happens, don't let yourself get involve while he is married and be the other woman. the other woman gets hurt in the end. trust me. so..good luck to you and don't let this keep you from meeting other guys.

Answer 7

If you love him as much as you say you do then just lay it on the table to him very carefully you don't want to be know as the "homewrecker" either. He sounds very nice and is getting the raw end of the deal. Just be sure to be there if something does happen but don't be the one to do it because if they were to work it out you probably wont see him again. I have seen that happen way to much. If she screws it up herself then go for the gold. Good luck and always make sure to be his friend no matter what happens.

Answer 8

Poor man. How terrible for him. There are other ways of showing you love him like giving him advices and telling him he can tell you his problems or whatever help you can give. He's still married, do you want to be blame for if he's broken up with his wife? Just be careful that she wouldn't turn on you and destroy your reputation.

Answer 9

since the wife is acting like that I think u have a chance if they were living a happy life they I'll say not to try it,but since they not maybe u should set up a plan for him find out and then tell him how u fill after a few days.

Answer 10

See do you feel it in your heart that he wants you? there has to be a reason he is still with his wife if she treats him like crap, and that reason is he probably is in love. you shouldnt try to do anything let things happen on there own if he wants you he will leave her because she is obviously not good enough for him. Good Luck!!!