Why is it that women are very sexual when they want children but, as soon as the kids arrive, they mostly turn off the charm? Now I don't seek intimacy b/c she shows no interest in me anymore. I feel used.
Thoughts?
2006-06-08 03:28:22 · 16 answers · asked by n9wff 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I better add this...
kids are 4 and 3, I stay home with kids
2006-06-08 04:38:14 · update #1
In all honesty, its not a matter of turning off the charm. She is probably quite tired most of the time from household and baby.
I bet that if you help out around the house and help her with the kids you will sooon have your intimate relationship back better than before.
She needs you to help her have time to have a life of her own that isn't just about you and the kids.
Help her out!
2006-06-08 03:33:08 · answer #1 · answered by yeller 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I did not read all of the responses, however I am sure I fall in the minority when I say this because I have two children and I am still very sexual. Not all women would shut off. As to why, I think some women are just more into sex than others. In a sense, I can't really answer because I don't feel the way you are describing. And I feel it is the responsibility for the wife to take care of her man. They may bash me for that one. But sometimes the truth hurts.. I hope it works out well for you...
2006-06-08 10:56:23 · answer #2 · answered by ****** 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can only tell you my personal experience. After I had my son I also breastfed for 10 1/2 months. With having the baby always on me and with me, I just didn't want anyone else touching me, not for hugs, not for kissed, and not for sex. It was probably once or twice a month I even felt in the mood. My son's two now. Sometimes I just want to be left alone after caring for him all day. But for me, it's better than what it was. Now the main problem is finding the right time for it. My son has to be asleep, he has to stay asleep, I have to be in the mood, my husband has to be in the mood, we have to have protection (since we don't want more kids right now), and we have to have no visitors, which we have a lot. So, as you can see, it's not really a matter of her not wanting you since she's got her kids now. It's a pain to get in the right mood at the right time and sometimes just easier to forgo sex altogether. My suggestion would be to get a babysitter or relatives to watch the kids overnight. Go to a hotel. And have fun! Do what you used to do when you were without kids. Get drunk, watch pornos, whatever turns you on.
2006-06-08 11:49:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you.... My husband has been "turned off". He's twice my weight, but since the beginning of my pregnancy he doesn't like to have sex with me....at all! I gained a few pounds with the baby (it was a hard pregnancy). He told me last night that I'm just to big. Good thing I'm not like that or the marriage, the kid and everything else would never have come into play. Stay prayed up and try new things she will come around eventually : )
2006-06-08 13:20:20 · answer #4 · answered by Loveme4me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on teh woman and usually after a baby is born she is tired and exausted and needs to heal and let her hormones and body get back to normal. You are not used just be patient and love her where she is at... You do have to be romantic and intimate with her and not only just want sex all the time or she will feel that is all you want and that that is all she is good for. How long has it been since she has had the last child with you if i may ask?
2006-06-08 10:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel used. Your wife's body just went through a ton of hormonal changes, as well as the sheer pain of having your child. She may not physically be able to have sex right now, because it's too painful. Or her hormones may be killing her libido. Or she's exhausted from taking care of the baby. Many women feel "fat" or "ugly" after having children, so her self-esteem may be in the tank, too!
The best thing you can do is talk to her at a calm time and tell her you love her and miss making love to her. Tell her that you'd like to set up a date night where she can relax and unwind and you two can spend some time together alone.
Try booking a nice hotel room within your own city and treat her to a spa service. Or just order her roses and have them arrive to your house or her work and make dinner for her that night.
She'll be more receptive to making the time and effort for sex if you reassure her that you love her and she's still beautiful to you.
2006-06-08 10:36:40 · answer #6 · answered by la_la_la 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel used I understand where you are coming from but hey you two are married and making a family. There could just be too much for her to do around the house or at work etc to think about sex. Maybe you should take her away somewhere :D
2006-06-08 10:35:35 · answer #7 · answered by z_ballerina15 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should talk to her. there has got to be something bothering her. i dont think it is because she had children. i have 2 kids and i am always wanting it from my husband. i dont know it seems like after we had children i wanted it more. i am now the aggreseive one. not all women turn off the charm after the kids are born . just talk to her and find out why she isn't intimant any more.
2006-06-08 10:37:04 · answer #8 · answered by angelinfl01 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a woman goes through a lot of changes after having a child, with me sex was the furthest thing from my mind, when we did start up again, i wouldnt let him touch my breasts(that was for the baby only)i had to learn how to be sexual and a mother at the same time. it took a while but it does even out in the end
2006-06-08 10:42:48 · answer #9 · answered by thepainter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey i know the feeling i was horny and hot before i had the kids and now ive had them i just dont feel like it........i thinks its cos were so tired of all the chores in the house and looking after the kids and i can go on and on and on...ps i work long hours too and its just awful ive tried to explain to my hubby but all i get is he works hard too!!! mmm give and take in the matter but when its one sided well im at the end of my tether not sure what to do
2006-06-08 10:33:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋