I am a 16 year old resident of Long Island, New York. I live at home with just me and my mother, my father and my mother were never married and I have never lived with him. My father lives about an hour 1/2 away from me. He rarely even comes to vist me, about 2-3 a year at most for a day or two each time. But now he has told me that I am to stay with him for the summer. I do not want to and am not going to, so he told me that he has the right to force me to stay with him and that if I don't he will send me to a child home. The way I understand is that if my mother says I can stay with her then no matter what I don't have to go with him if I don't want to. What can I do?
2006-06-08 01:45:59 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
If there is no custody order in effect that states he has visitation rights, then no, he cannot force you to stay with him. And either way, he certainly cannot send you to a "child home".
2006-06-08 01:48:42 · answer #1 · answered by circe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is no court order.....no, he can't. If there is a court order....I think you being 16 would be enough for a court to say "no", you don't have to go--especially with good reason (a summer job, summer schooling, school activities, etc).
Sixteen year olds have "rights" to a point that you have more say-so than an 8 year old in your visitation. There was no marriage so I suspect there was no divorce (LOL!) and no child custody arrangements done legally since there is no issue. If there was a court-ordered visitation, doesn't your MOM have it in writing?
I don't believe you have to go for the entire summer and he CAN NOT threaten a "child home" (whatever that is). He can, if there is a visitation order, ask for a hearing on the matter.....at which time, you and your mother can give valid reasons why you don't want or shouldn't have to go. If there is a visitation order, there probably is a child SUPPORT order??? If he's NOT paying, he has someone to answer to....too! If he pays support, that would be indicative that there is an order. MOST men don't pay what is not ordered....they only pay what is ordered. (I said MOST men...there are some really great guys that help out without an order).
However, your mother contacting an attorney is the best source for New York legal information. It usually doesn't cost much for a consultation. I am not an attorney but have dealt with some situations like this in my own life in California....along the lines of child support. Without REGULAR previous record of him visiting or you spending REGULAR visitations with him....he doesn't have a leg (usually) to stand on. It sounds like he's just trying to bully you into it. You can call his bluff and see if he does anything legally. However, if you (or your MOM) contact an attorney, they can tell you what HIS rights are and what YOUR rights are.
Good luck! I, as a custodial Mother with orders when my girls were young....I would NEVER force my daughters to go with their father....no matter what age....let alone 16....and I don't think your Dad can FORCE you to. Ask the attorney.
2006-06-08 09:06:18 · answer #2 · answered by Califcolmom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Real simple: If there is a court order or a visitation agreement that gives him the Summer, go are with him for the Summer. If there is not a court order or an agreement, and your mother agrees you are to be with her, you stay.
If he has not been a major presence in your life, it seems quite a jump to go from a few days every few months to all of Summer vacation. Possibly you can work out something shorter, like a couple of weeks, that could be extended by mutual agreement of you, him and your mother.
The threat to send you to a "child home" indicates he is not that good at being a parent. Possibly he might learn better.
2006-06-21 03:11:10 · answer #3 · answered by shoshidad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their are legal ramifications that may or may not have been handld by the courts. You should try and discuss this with your mom. Is there a decree stating you must spend time with an absent, apparantly non caring father. You can contact Child protective Services and they may be able to guide you to legal help. Does this man pay support? Can he prove he has the DNA that would indicate he the boy who he claims he is. From your question this man is no father.
2006-06-08 09:02:17 · answer #4 · answered by Jeff B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it has to do with who has legal custody of you. Usually by the time a child is 16, he/she has the right to choose who he/she wants to live with. If he only lives 1/2 hr away, why not give it a shot? Maybe he wants to get to know you better. My father is dead, and I would give anything to spend a summer with him.
2006-06-08 09:30:30 · answer #5 · answered by jmmcakes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a visitation order is in place, then yes he has the right to get you for the time period allowed for in the order. If there is no order in place, then no he can't force you to come. He can't send you to boys home just because you don't want to visit with him. He and your mother would both have to be in agreement on that one.
2006-06-20 12:10:27 · answer #6 · answered by vicki613 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be up too your mother
but this might be a great chance to give you mother her own summer and get to know your Dad. It might be great for you, and think of all of the new people that you will meet in your Dad's town
I dont think that I would let him take me the whole summer, try a month 1st and then see what is happening, you might like it, think about him trying to make you happy the whole summer, he is going to kiss your butt.
Good luck kid
2006-06-08 11:21:24 · answer #7 · answered by bkbarile 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is a visitation agreement he can force you to stay. He cant send you to a childrens home. He is just using that as a scare tactic. But hun you need to try to spend time with your dad because later in life you will regret it. Try to work out a compromise with him.
2006-06-08 08:49:53 · answer #8 · answered by Loo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are a minor and he has visitation rights, yes he can. It is a court order. If you don't want to go, then your mother will have to go back to court and tell them you don't want to go so they can investigate into WHY you don't. It's a legal pain in the neck but it ensures YOUR safety. Courts do not know your father, so to them, maybe he is hurting you. Better safe than sorry.
2006-06-08 08:48:07 · answer #9 · answered by DELETED ACCOUNT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can make you do anything you don't want to. Unless there's a court order, he doesn't have the right to make you stay. Get a summer job and give yourself a vry good excuse not to stay with him. He can't send you to children's home so don't worry about that.
2006-06-08 09:04:12 · answer #10 · answered by mistress_seraphim_shadow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋