Its an issue I have with my life. I am engaged to a person who loves me. He is divorced & have 5 children. The oldest 8 years & the youngest 6 months. We got engaged 4 moths ago. He is 30 & I am 24...I am a virgin with no previous past.
The problem is I am miserable. I am hating every single minute of it! I want to break up but he is so good to me. I am very good with him to. (As i am a Good actress) but I am dieing from inside.
Don’t know what to do? Why don’t I let go as long as I am not happy?
Maybe because I am scared of being left alone? Maybe because I am over weight & now nobody likes my appearance?
Or is it that I am comparing him to my lost love/ crush that I am trying to get over for 2 years?
Help
2006-06-08 00:51:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not one time have you mentioned, having" love "for him. You have "negative" lined up a mile long. You both are carrying so much emotional baggage, that you couldn't hire a "sky captain" at an airport to haul it in for you. To make a relationship work, means laying a sound foundation. That generally rests on mutual love and respect. To put up the walls, would involve being honest and caring for each other. And to roof the establishment would mean having lots of patience's, strength, and a eternal plan with your mate. You have to put the "lost love/crush", behind you. You have to bring closure to that relationship so you can mentally and healthy, begin a new one. The fact that he loves you is never enough to sustain threw the other barriers you have mentioned. You might get a "Oscar" for your acting performance, but you know you want have a ounce of happiness if you continue to "pretend" that things are good. To some degree, you must confess that he has to sense something is not right. I think you are sabotaging yourself. I believe that deep down you don't find your self worthy of being happy. So you find any or everything to inable your situation. Your weight is not a clear issue, except to you, and you might of created this to keep yourself from actually dealing with the real issues at hand. Take time and figure out what is really making you miserable. Why would you want to put yourself threw this kind of abuse without believing you don't deserve better. I am sure your unhappiness is not connected literally to this person you are engaged to. I believe he is just a coy, and the root lays deeper than you apparently want to admit. You need to work threw your issues of self worth and learn to love yourself, and allow someone to love" you" and believe you deserve it. Take time to heal you, before adding anyone else to your life. Once you work threw these obstacles you have set up, your life will go so much better, than you can even imagine.
2006-06-08 16:10:26 · answer #1 · answered by smplyme132 5 · 12⤊ 4⤋
Well I just got out of a situation like that. I was with my ex for about 4-5 yrs. We were pretty good friends for about 4 years before we hooked up. He was 10 years older than me and thought he knew it all. I must say he was an educated man and yes he was smart. but we ended up not being able to get along much. We argued everyday, and i was sad, lonely and miserable and i had no life. I rarely laughed, i cried and hurt a lot. Girl if you are not happy...think of yourself... and leave, you will only be hurting yourself and loosing time.
Or you can talk to him and maybe express to him how you have been feeling, maybe there is something he can do to change and or improve your relationship. But if not....LEAVE girl, it was the best thing i could have done.
2006-06-08 01:03:25 · answer #2 · answered by Ellexiz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is afraid of being alone..well majority are. But that is no excuse for being in a relationship with someone where you don't really care for that person. Sounds like you basically don't like yourself. Until you start liking yourself, you are no good to anyone. And if you get married things will only get worse. You will be more miserable. Not only do you have to think about yourself and your bo, there are the children. They are the ones that will be affected the most if you get married to him and down the line can't stand being married to him. Just my opinion of course. Plus if you compare someone to a lost love, they will never stand up and will fall short everytime. How would you like it if he did the same thing to you. Well best wishes.
2006-06-08 01:41:51 · answer #3 · answered by mtv8r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what makes you happy. You can not keep pretending it is not fair to him or yourself. It's not fair to the children either. You are beautiful no matter your size. You can find someone to love you as much as you love them. Men like women of all sizes. You will have to find happiness within yourself, then in turn a good man will find you. Don't worry about being alone. Right now he is like a habit. End the relationship and move on. No matter how good he is it is not going to work if you are not happy. If you marry then you will be wasting both of your lives and have to pay for a divorce lawyer in the end. Being alone will give you time to think about what you really want and what is important in your life. Good Luck to You.
2006-06-08 01:16:06 · answer #4 · answered by DD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever it is you need to decide before getting married. You need to let this man go if you don't want to be with him for a lifetime. His children really don't need to get attached to you and then you leave after the marriage. You are 24 so by now you know what is troubling you with this man. If it is the last and lost love then don't involve him in your life just be honest at this point with him. This is playing with him and no one deserves this kind of treatment whether your over weight or scared do the right thing....K
2006-06-08 08:29:43 · answer #5 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be all those problems and others... You need to find your place in the world...
If you are feeling over weight, do more exercise and try to feel better with that..
Then see about changing other parts of your life...
Tell your b/f what you are feeling and see what he says...
2006-06-08 01:02:25 · answer #6 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your are not only hurting yourself by staying in this loveless relationship but you are hurting him and his five children. It is unfair to them. You need to get out of this relationship as soon as possible and explain to the children it has nothing to do with them and that you still love them. Try to phase yourself out of their lives instead of just disappearing.
2006-06-08 03:40:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
doubts are natural, but it soulnd to me like you should at least take time apart - you either do not love this person or are not ready to commit yet.
Please don't make a mistake that could affect you whole life.
2006-06-08 02:16:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your fears are the same that every girls has, however if you are unhappy do not get married move on until you do find the love of your life
2006-06-08 01:06:44 · answer #9 · answered by mimismom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you feel is right and don't worry about your fears for you will figure what you need and do the right thing.
2006-06-08 00:55:56 · answer #10 · answered by msria1979 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋