My sister is getting married to a guy-an arranged marriage.She needs lil' more time for getting married?read..

Question

OK in our culture arranged marriage is something of a traditional practise There is no other choice but to marry a guy you met day before.
But atleast I think she can be given time to express our desire WHEN to get married.First of all I can't do anything about tradition.But atleast she can decide WHEN to marry when not WHO to marry.This is totally unfair that too if she is only 23.She wants to achieve something in life(independently)& then get married.Now it's like she's engaged today and getting married in a month.Is it this not unfair when her desire is not to marry in atleast next 3 years?
Am I not right in my opinion? Should she not be given opportunity to prove something in this world?

Answer 1

if she's 23, she should definitely be making her own decision about marriage. what happens if she refuses to get married? does your family disown her?

Answer 2

You probably are from Asia. I myself am half. Now, arrange marriage does not necessarily means end of life/career. It might sound weired to most westerners that how can some one marry whom u know only for a few days. But I think love marriages are not the only solution. If not check out the divorce rates. If your sis has it in her no one can stop her. She can convince her hubby and make it big even after the marriage. But if she's the kinds who gets bogged down easily at some point or other she would be.
So the crux of the matter is: its her decision and her fate. Parents are not always fools.They know most of the times what's best for their kids (unless due to some reasons like poverty when they might be in a hurry to get rid of her). So let her take the call and support her decision rather than confusing her. After all she's the elder one.
Cheers!!

Answer 3

Why not talk to your parents or the future hubby?

These days guys and gals do talk directly to each other after the marriage is fixed. they even get to go out together and are given time to understand each other.

Most guys these days prefer a successful wife. He may be supportive and give her more chances than she thinks.

In India on an average people get a college degree around 21. Your sister wants to succeed independently thats OK. But what'a harm if she has some support and no pressure to earn ?

Basically if she does not want to marry now she should tell her parents. But off course she also must work hard in that case.

Im west young people get the time to wait. But do not forget most of them are out of their house when they turn 18 and most of them had to pay for their college themselves. They live alone, do all kinds of jobs , take lones etc. And they had to seek their own husbands. It is not always that easy and romantic. It is a lot of pressure to get settled.

Your sister should be ready to do her bit if she wants time.

Funny that in India young children want all freedoms of A Western society but wants their parents to behave in traditional way and keep paying for their maintenance.

Answer 4

My first question to u is...is she happy with this marriage??? If yes..then there is no reason for you to worry...and if she had to achieve something in life then she would have done it by now as she is 23 and if u are an Indian..people finish their graduation at 20 or 21 in India...and one more thing...I dont think marriage will be a barrier for her to achieve something in life..she can do it even after marriage...i dont think todays guys are so very narrow minded that they want their wives only to sit at home and cook...
If she is not ready for the marriage, then she should tell her parents about this before it is too late..

Answer 5

it's a tradition actually that needs to be followed but if she really doesnt like the guy she is marrying to,of course she should be given an oppurtunity to stay away and prove something because it's being unfair on both sides. Marriage is not something that you can avoid anytime. It's a lifetime status.

Well,your sister can go out and do anything she wants to do with her life because it's hers...forget about that damn tradition! you can help him... send her to somewhere...she is too young to get married my dear. she still have lots of oppurtunities in the world

Answer 6

I would think so, but it does not matter what I think... or even you. It is what she thinks and her family since their opinion is important to her. Since she is 23 her family and the family of her future husband maybe concerned that if she waits too long she might not have children and in many cultures "having children" is a huge priority.

Again I agree with you, but I live in the United States where things are different, but I have lived in a number of other countries and I do understand the situation.

Also realize that just because she is getting married does not mean she cannot achieve something and live a fairly independent life. It depends on her husband and their relationship.