if he has an idea and i don't praise it but instead try to discuss it (both negative and positive sides) he will say that i am complaining.
if i am sick and he wants me to go to a party and i am not thrilled about going, i am complaining.
he seems to take my words as direct a direct reaction to his decisions, plans etc. when often my mood has nothing to do with him. if i have a crappy day he thinks i'm blaming it on him (or so it seems) and no matter how much i try to tell him that it is not his fault, that he is actually making me feel better he tells me all this crap about complaining later.
no matter how i try to explain to him what is going on with me he doesn't listen. he thinks he's right.
i care about him and don't want to break up over this, i want to get past the barrier of miscommunication.
HELP!
2006-06-07 20:58:40 · 9 answers · asked by curious kitty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
if you don't have anything helpful to say, don't. this goes for dustin_w_c and Don't know
2006-06-07 21:12:17 · update #1
It sounds just like marriage!!!!! I think maybe he is insecure & that is his way of getting attention. You can't win! Either accept & understand him & humor him or just refuse to get sucked in the arguements, but then he will be more miserable and never let you have piece!!!!
2006-06-07 21:01:32 · answer #1 · answered by char__c is a good cooker 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you guys need a good working definition for his idea of complaining.
Then comes some small communication considerations like: value space, value needs, and understand the individual.
he seems egocentric...not meaning he's stuck on himself...but that he's used to his world revolving around him...as if he were an only child. He needs to open up a little and spend more time getting to know you rather than focusing on himself.
you seem very reactive and sensitive...maybe being a little more clear about what's important to you rather than discussing his ideas or decisions.
here's an idea...each of you take a piece of paper.
You be him...and he gets to be you.
You (as him) write down the the 10 things you love about her.
Then write down the 10 things that aren't so great.
He (as you) writes down the 10 things he loves about him>
Then the 10 least loveable traits.
- so you're trying to look through his lenses and see yourself and take an objective look at yourself.
Share your answers afterwards...just a few at a time.
- here's the point...
it's gratifying to see your partner agree with something nice.
sometimes it's funny...but still very flattering.
When you get down to the not so nice things about yourself, your partner, in this open forum - who has been laughing and loving over the positive stuff - is better capable of nurturing and loving.
Better able to deny those negative things you think he sees in you...and better capable of clarifying what he means by "all you do is complain" .
It also introduces you to the idea of taking time to communicate and share...which is what you really want to do in the first place.
Good luck
2006-06-07 21:17:34 · answer #2 · answered by Warrior 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When complaining about something that hurts are you really hurt or sick or what ever????/ My soon to be husband I think thinks the same way. I AM always going to the doctor because I get strep throat all the time and a sore throat. I GO like every 2 months. Sometimes he says just gargarl with salt water or it will go away after awhile. I go to the doctor and then tell him that I was right with having strep throat again and I am glad that I went. Sometimes I think that they think that the body will heal it self after awhile and we do not need to spend money on silly things when out body will revcover in time. Sorry that was really long!!!!!!! good luck
2006-06-07 21:05:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither one of you sound happy. Why are you with him? The thing is before you marry, you are to date and find the one who is made for you. How can you be right for one another if you argue? I would not keep him around. However, I am a grandma and was only married a little over a year when he informed me of his relationship with other women before we were married. In other words, I have only been with a man for a couple of years. Who am I to tell you what to do. Who knows, if you listen to me, you may end up like me; divorced, mother, and grandmother. To be honest, that is not so bad.
2006-06-07 21:17:32 · answer #4 · answered by grannywinkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he feels emasculated... Seems to need constant reassurance that what he thinks is important... Damn, he is a wuss!!!
I think you need to have a break from the relationship and reassess whether this guy is the right one for you... Find someone who respects your intelligence and need to discuss things...
2006-06-07 21:03:40 · answer #5 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep this what you wrote and read it to him...mabye he will listen if it is in writing..but I suggest you don't marry this guy... u shouldn't love this guy that makes you feel less about yourself..
2006-06-07 21:05:08 · answer #6 · answered by qdrama1956 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run girl it only gets worse from there!
2006-06-07 21:01:46 · answer #7 · answered by Erica T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your complaining now what do you think!
2006-06-07 21:02:57 · answer #8 · answered by dustin_w_c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.....I guess you are complaining right now then...........lol
If you don't like it then leave him.......otherwise stop complaining....and deal with it
2006-06-07 21:04:01 · answer #9 · answered by I might know 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋