I married my husband 6 years ago and we have been through so much. I was in love with him but because of some stupid things that happened and still happen i cannot stand for him to touch me. When I close my eyes I see the other girls he has been with in our relationship. I also think about the times he hit me and told me he didnt love me. he has always been so very cold to me, as well as demanding and rude. when we got married was when he became this way with me. I can be so very full of desire that all it would take is for a very light breaze and I would climax, but when he touches me or even says one word to me it all leaves me. I become very disinterested. I end up having to take care of myself because i usually let him go ahead and do his thing. How can I feel desire when he touches me? i would like to forgive and forget. I am just having problems letting go of all the bad...is it truely time to ask him to leave? would i be ok alone? can i ever love again? how do i get rid of him?
2006-06-07 18:46:44 · 11 answers · asked by wayladuley 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're in an abusive relationship. And you're not happy. People do change, only you can decide what you want to do. You don't have to decide by yourself, contact you local doctor, hospital or womens shelter for some counseling. I believe you can fall out of love as easily as you fall into it. Sounds to me like you deserve better, and you'd probably do just fine on your own. Ask yourself Dear Abby's famous question: "Would you be better off with or without him?" Then go from there. Don't be afraid to ask for some help, I think you'd find it useful.
2006-06-08 03:03:13 · answer #1 · answered by Mike 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to Leave!!
Life is too short to settle for anything less than: honesty, fidelity, tenderness, kindness and respect..
You said he is rude, has been physically abusive, has cheated more than once, told you he does not love you, is cold and demanding...
Those are not the qualities of a healthy relationship..those are the qualities of an abusive relationship.
How do you end it? You decide that his behavior is unacceptable, you must believe that you deserve better! You serve him with divorce papers and you let the lawyers handle the messy stuff... while you work on getting reaquainted with the beautiful woman who is desirable, smart, and has qualities that are attractive to other men besides Mr Wrong... in the meantime don't dwell on if you can find another guy right now..dont rush into being another Mrs whoever... spend some quality time just being you.. and pretty soon you will realize that you never needed him in the first place...
Don't waste another day being sad or repulsed... Life is far too short...
2006-06-07 19:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by sparky8343 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I know exactly what you are going through. When I married my husband a year ago I thought I was so in love with the perfect man that was going to make all my dreams come true. But I was being very naive and stupid because on our honeymoon I decided to snoop though his phone text messages and discovered that he had texted another woman a week before we'd gotten married, asking her for sex more than one time. I called the woman and she told me that they had sex that night, the week before the wedding and that she didn't realize that I was his fiance at that time. (I guess he had told her that I was just a girl he was seeing and she was too much of a slut to care, who knows?) Anyway I confronted him about it and he told me that she was a girl he'd met months ago and slept with a few times and had even gotten he pregnant. He also said that she had a crack addiction. He told me that he paid for her to have an abortion a few weeks earlier. Because I loved him I stayed and even had a son with him who is now a month old.I thought that if I gave him a son he might decide to change his ways and treat me with respect . It has turned out to be a stupid huge mistake. Things got worse. He started calling me names and being physically abusive. Recently we were fighting and he dropped my month old son onto the bed. I've showed up at his job to surprise him and take him to linch and found him flirting shamelessly with the 20 year old receptionist. Another woman from his job called him at night. He sometimes starts fights so that he has a reason to take off. Now I'm pretty much trapped. The bottom line is that the only person you can change is yourself and life is too short trying to make a relationship work that is unhealthy. You may feel like you've invested 6 years and you don't want to throw that away. But on the other hand, it sounds like 5 of those 6 years have been hell. If I were you I'd try to move on. Be thankful that you don't have kids with the guy. I don't have anywhere to turn.
2006-06-07 23:11:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, you married him for better or worse, and right now it's worse, so you have to stick with him. How long have you known him and how long were you married? 13 years? Right now, he's a dou$hebag but he's been neglecting your needs for so long it has made you resentful. I applaud you for going through this with such dignity. Would any normal woman divorce him? Yes, most would. But most normal men and women are emotional children without any appropriate education on marriage and relationships and who contribute to the high divorce rate. You hate him, you don't want to be in the same room as him... that's NORMAL in any long term relationship at one point or another. I love my man & I can't tell you how many times I wanted to leave the room. But I know he loves me and I know he cares about me, and when I'm in a better more positive mood, I do want to be in the same room as him. Listen, the solution is NOT to talk to him or demand your needs or try to leave him, or try to explain your point of view. The solution is to get a heart-felt "IN HIS SHOES" perspective. Try to understand, for 60 days, where he's coming from regardless of your needs. Take care of your own needs, but just try to understand HIM without expecting anything in return. I'm not saying do stuff for him and act like a servant while he sits on the couch... I'm saying ask yourself WHY he's on the couch, what may be going through his head, how bad he must feel at not being able to provide and be enough of a man for his woman. Why does he have a need to lie. What could he be feeling now? I would start there. It's really hard to do this without money. Maybe see if his family or your family can help for a while.
2016-03-26 22:17:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you are confused. I believe you are scared. So you need to get off the sofa and find a therapist or your Pastor and get counseling first, then make your decision, you may not have to make a decision. You go first so you can lightened up on your "urp" of him. But tell him how you feel and see if he wants to salvage the marriage. Oh do not ever think you are alone, you have yourself and GOD. Sweetie I was married 30 yrs and divorced. It wasn't easy and it took me several years to stop crying, being angry, etc. But it was well worth it. And you know I still love our good memories and I'm continuing our dreams without him. I would go back in a second, but because of the bad i will not, But all the bad does go away.
2006-06-07 19:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by jajajojikatt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how happily you are married and who to i guess... My first husband sickened me but this husband does not and i love his touch and affection. You need counseling and help to even start to get past the pain of what he has done to you and this marriage. You do however have biblical grounds to divorce and separate from him. You can forgive him but that will take time ... Forgetting on the other hand may never come as you are only human. I am here if you ever need to talk!
2006-06-08 00:08:09 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is a heavy situation. What are the reasons you are still with him after everything that has happened??
I would highly recommend counseling for you so you can take care of yourself emotionally and mentally.
There is no doubt you are in a hurtful relationship -- it sounds like he is abusive and taking advantage of you. The best thing is to take a step back and take care of yourself so you are in a position to make the best decisions for your relationship.
Good luck!
2006-06-07 19:00:50 · answer #7 · answered by aceolive 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are hurt very deep inside and need a friendly ear before your decide what to do. I would gladly listen if you like because you would be amazed how much we have in common.
2006-06-07 18:58:10 · answer #8 · answered by Tom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its like a job now, just to prepare foe bed.
2006-06-07 19:10:06 · answer #9 · answered by shawnthavirgo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just answered your last question.... and now I'm just as confused as you are.
2006-06-07 18:52:42 · answer #10 · answered by Bw/TRUTH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋