Please Help!?

Question

The man I am with> Mike, who i have been with for years (moved here 1 year ago, but have been chatting for 3 total) I love him very much, but he is becoming emotionally abusive, in his own words. We are becoming a little less compatable every day.
The other man> Ian. I've been talking to Ian as friends for about 7 months. ish. We get along great. I enjoy his company, when its the only thing i actually do enjoy lately. But he lives in Australia, and is married.

I don't want to be alone. I don't want to stay in a relationship that is abusive. I also don't want to fool around with a married guy. But then again, I want to stay with Mike and I want to go with Ian. I'm very torn.

Now, I have an oppurtunity for a kick-a** grad school program where Ian lives, in Australia. But then again, I love Mike, and Ian is married, and I would only be his mistress. Initally any way. So, this is a real conundrum. Its gotta be one of them,but who?

Ian or Mike, opinions?

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you are playing it safe and not emotionally committing. I dont think you love either and are just as willing to move on. I say leave them both until you know what you really want from life.

Good Luck and God Bless!!

Answer 2

First, it doesn't sound like you are truly in love with "Mike." However, you have been in a "committed" relationship with him for a year or so. You are currently involved in an affair. Yup. An emotional affair is just as damaging as a sexual affair.

With that said, you shouldn't stay in an abusive relationship. At this point you have 3 choices. You can either walk away, attend the Grad Program in Australia, and get on with your life, or you can continue on with Mike as things are now, OR you can continue a relationship with Mike and seek couples counseling. Just remember, what you have now is most likely what you will have in the future (counseling or no).

You should NEVER, EVER mess around with a married man! They are off limits. The reason being is if he cheats on her with you, who will he cheat on you with? Ian is a POOR choice.

You sound emotionally dependent on others for self realization. You need someone to validate you to your self. That isn't very healthy. Until you are healthy with who you are without a significant other, no one will make you happy.

You need to drop them both and focus on you.

Answer 3

Sorry, but neither. You definitely should not be with someone who is abusive to you in any way, that is an unhealthy relationship. You also should not be fooling around with a married man. I know it seems dumb to leave two men that love you and you love, but in the Long run you don't want relationships like that. You want to have a relationship where there's no abuse and no lies. I think you should try to move on with your life and meet new people. I'm really sorry you have been put in such a difficult situation, and I truly hope everything changes for the better.

Answer 4

Mike is a definite NO If he is abusive with words then he doesn't care about your feelings......Iam on the other hand although he is married may not be happy..Why else would he go online and talk to you..
If you have the opportunity to go to Austrailia to school TAKE IT...That way you can find out about Ian and hey if it doesn't work out with him there are more men out there...Good Luck......But leave Mike eating your dust..Nobody needs to put up with abuse whether it be verbal or physical....It lowers your self esteem. Been there before.

Answer 5

ditch Mike, stay with Ian as friends..prolly a place to crash for holidays or summer when school out...when with Ian keep your hands to yourself no matter how wonderful he is. keep a long distance "friendship" between you and Mike..he might cheat but this way you wont be there when he does. sorry for the trouble..life sure does suck huh?