How would you feel if your loved one said ....?

Question

That he/she needed to look at porn or naked pctures. My bf looks at this all the time, I never really cared immensly, but after he jokingly said that he had to look at pretty things since all he see's is just me. It really hurt my feelings and I am young, thin, and I concider my self pretty and cute. I never did care that he would look at these things because I figured it would be worse if he went out to cheat on me. Do you guys or girls think this is normal? Is it natural that he checks women out? That he looks at this and he collects and downloads so many pictures and movies of very disgusting things ( I know becuase we share the same computer and I have seen what he dl ), does it matter that he is in his late 20's? I am just looking for some honest advice so please be nice... should I worry about this for future commitment? Thanks.

Answer 1

I hope you told him that it hurt your feelings. I think it is normal for guys to look at porn and naked pictures, but it is not ok to make a comment like that.

Maybe you could look at them with him and ask him what about the picture turns him on. Then get him to tell you things about you that turn him on. You can get the focus off of the pics and where it should be....on you.

Answer 2

I think that your bf is addicted to porn. This is a problem that is nationwide and cuts across racial, economic and age lines. Men are visual and can get turned on just by looking at a picture of a naked woman. Porn is available everywhere now there was a time when an individual had to mail order magazines through the mail, go to sleazy shops to get their porn now it can be downloaded at any minute of the day or night. It's no wonder that a lot of guys are becoming addicted to porn.
As far as a future commitment goes you should ask yourself if you can handle his fascination with porn? Will he ask you to do some of things that he views? What if it gets worse and the images become more and more graphic? Will he a agree to stop or seek help? What if he refuses to give up his porn? You have to ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself.

Answer 3

Well hun, the truth of the matter is that men need visual and women need emotional. Sometimes its ok for a man to see these things for self gratification, however it is not healthy to compare you to them or make you feel bad. Be honest with him when he hurts your feelings. The key to a healthy relationship is pure honesty. Out of curiosty, would you be open to try some of the things he has downloaded? Open up your sexual mind and please him? Maybe he isn't totally satisfied in this area and that would help. Its also true that someone can become addicted to porn though. So i would advice having him take a look at himself. If it bothers you this much and he will not change then the sad truth is he doesnt love you enough and you are worth more and deserve a man whos attention is focused on you. A man who is focused on pleasing you and not hurting you. This is my opinion though. Do what makes you happy.~~Blackrose9902

Answer 4

It's not normal, no. For a single guy; yeah, normal. And you'll often hear of guys looking at porn when in relationships. But to need to look at porn, no, not unless he's addicted to it (which is a pretty serious thing, needs professional help), he cans stop anytime he wants, it just takes a little willpower. A guy shouldn't say that to you. He knows it'll hurt. What you need to do is talk to him. Be honest with him about your feelings.
And if he won't listen, or doesn't stop, or just is sneaky about it; it's not worth it. All it'll cause is pain in your life. If he decides you're more important than porn, someone who he can actually have something with; then that's fine. But if he won't decide this; then you don't need him. YOu need someone who will treat you like the queen you deserve to be treated like. If he doesn't make you feel special, then it's not right, whether he stops looking at porn, or not.

Answer 5

Definitely worry, porn is addictive, and I find your boy friends answer appalling. That must have hurt when he said that. Get out of this relationship now. There is a great lack of respect for you in that relationship. All men are capable of monogomy, it is a choice and clearly he wants to look at other women. It isnt you, it is him. Many ppl see men viewing porn as normal, however it can cripple a relationship, it is a form of cheating and dont let anyone else tell you differently. The desire the pics cause is for the girl in the pic, not for you. Many studies are out now about porn. What ever you do, dont marry this guy. It will lead to heart ache.

Answer 6

I sympathize that you are feeling that the need for your guy to do this.....has absolutly ANYTHING to do with you at all. He could be married to Pamela Anderson and still find a use for porn and other random nekkid thingies. :oP
The real problem with men with this issue, i beilive that they just dont use the right words, or even KNOW for that matter how to explain to you their actual need for this junk.
First of all....get it out of your mind that it is YOU that is not good enough. Secondly they ALL do it...and its not bad or deviant.
Although it makes you feel down knowing that HE does this, dont you ever fantasize about things, other people or random attractive males/females when you are sexually excited??
Thats the difference....women are ABLE to use their imagination for these things and keep it all nice and neatly tucked inside.
Men on the other hand most often can not.
Im sure there was a time at some point where they still were satisfied by imagination.....however, larry flint and bill gates ruined that for all of us.

Answer 7

Enjoying some form of porn as long as it's not time consuming is not a bad thing, men and women too enjoy the visual stimulation of porn.

I was more concerned about the insult he gave you saying that he has to look at pretty things as all he sees is you.

Truthfully - if you have even one ounce of self respect, you will walk away from this fool. He has insulted you in a fairly significant way and you will never feel good about yourself when he's still around.

It's not the porn that is your problem, it's the man.

Answer 8

I think it is VER VERY WRONG for your bf to be looking at porn all the time. If you ever hope to have a long lasting great relationship with him, I think he must stop. If he does not, I think you should move on. I have been married for 20 years and I learned while dating my wife that it is insulting to be looking at other women while am with her. Because I respect her I stopped. And I must say I have never in these 20 years looked at another woman the way I used to in her presence.

I will reccomend you listen to Dr. Laura's radio talk show. Or ask her this question. She will say your bf is sick and you should leave him immediately.

Answer 9

If he's in his 20's its normal. Its obscene, but its normal. His comment was kinda stupid. He could have said anything better than a comparison of you to a porn picture. He obviously hasn't reached the age yet where he respects you as a preson, or has developed enough tact to save your feelings.

I would look at this two ways for future commitments. He is honest with you about looking at it, so thats a plus. He's looking at it as a sideline to you, so its a negative. I don't know enough about him to make a judgement call about him, so its still in your court.

You should ask him to give it up if its bothering you though.

Answer 10

Unfortunately guys look at porn...and even though you are thin pretty and cute guys like all different types of women. You think they are attracted to your type becasue they chose you but thats not it...they chose you for your personality and what they liked about "your" look.

I have found thet guys like types you think they never would...sadly i found this out through experience. But all this to say just bacause he is looking at porn doesnt mean he isnt attracted to you any less...he jus has a porn fettish at the moment and whether he looks at porn or not that will have NO bearing what soever if he will cheat on you. If he's gonna cheat TRUST me he doesnt need porn to do it.

Hopefully he won't if he isnt giving you any reasions other than looking at porn to think he's cheating I wouldn't worry about it :)