ENCHANTING
There is nothing on earth more delightful to me than the way you make me feel.
No joy greater than sleeping in your arms.
No sound sweeter than the way you whisper how much you love me.
No pleasure greater than waking up hearing your voice every morning.
Nothing is more exquisite to me than the way you gaze at me.
No touch softer than the way you hold me in your arms.
No name adorable than the ones you call me.
No passion stronger than the ones you awaken in me.
Nothing is more enchanting to me than the way you talk to me.
There is nothing on earth that makes me happier than being with you.
In this life and the next, you are my true love.
2006-06-07 17:08:50 · 12 answers · asked by Pooh Bear 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
i agree with poobear
those would be the only changes i would make to it...
it has a great flow, keep up the good work... have you heard of http://www.writingforums.com/ it's a great place to get feedback and share your work:)
good luck to you:)
2006-06-07 18:02:32 · answer #1 · answered by Some Girl... 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ENCHANTING
There is nothing on earth more delightful to me than the way you make me feel.
No joy greater than sleeping in your arms.
No sound sweeter than the way you whisper how much you love me.
No pleasure greater than waking up hearing your voice every morning.
Nothing is more exquisite to me than the way you gaze at me.
No touch softer than the way you hold me in your arms.
No name more adorable than the ones you call me.
No passion stronger than the one you awaken in me.
Nothing is more enchanting to me than the way you talk to me.
There is nothing on earth that makes me happier than being with you.
In this life and the next, you are my true love.
2006-06-08 00:13:11 · answer #2 · answered by volleyball0323 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ENCHANTING
There is nothing on earth more delightful to me than the way you make me feel.
No joy greater than sleeping in your arms.
No sound sweeter than the way you whisper how much you love me.
No pleasure greater than waking up hearing your voice every morning.
Nothing is more exquisite to me than the way you gaze at me.
No touch softer than the way you hold me in your arms.
No name adorable than the ones you call me.
No passion stronger than the ones you awaken in me.
Nothing is more enchanting to me than the way you talk to me.
There is nothing on earth that makes me happier than being with you.
In this life and the next, you are my true love.
i think it is right?
2006-06-08 00:13:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anna. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only minor problem I could see was
"No name adorable than the ones you call me."
it should be
"No names more adorable than the ones you call me."
or
"No name more adorable than the one you call me."
Anyway, poetry is good excuse for something known as 'artistic license' - which basically means that you can twist the usual way of doing, seeing or saying things until they suit your work of art, in this case your poem! So don't get all hot and bothered about grammar - poetry and songs are not famous for their accurate grammar anyway!!
; )
2006-06-08 03:08:42 · answer #4 · answered by _ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should be "No names are more adorable than the ones you call me" or "no name more adorable than the one you call me" And " no passions are stronger than the ones you awaken in me" or "no passion is stronger than the one you awaken in me"
The beginning of the sentence should weigh evenly with the ending. If you are going to make a subject noun plural or singular you have to make the corresponding noun equal.
I hope you like it and you approve.
2006-06-08 00:22:40 · answer #5 · answered by poobear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you asked for people to proof read your poem. Well i just wanted to let you know that this is very nice........ Keep up the good work!!!
And i also like like what lilsexymama said Gaze into my eyes..
2006-06-08 00:15:46 · answer #6 · answered by *DOVE* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your spelling is perfect i dint see any mispelled i think that the poem is great try taking out some one the no's and put comma's in their place it would make make it sound more passionate with pauses through it!
2006-06-08 00:16:38 · answer #7 · answered by Donna Nelson 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No mistakes at all. Nice poem, I think your love one will like it
2006-06-08 00:13:35 · answer #8 · answered by Aditya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a heart of gold. Whoever you wrote this for is lucky to have you!!! Good luck!
2006-06-08 00:12:42 · answer #9 · answered by microsvc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
instead of gaze at me you should say gaze into my eyes....as of everything else..perfect ..real good
2006-06-08 00:15:03 · answer #10 · answered by LoVeLy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋