How do you deal with an ungrateful child (grown) who badmouths you to others but runs to you with their needs?

Answer 1

You know my daughter?

I finally just put my foot down with my kid. I have helped and helped again. She continues to badmouth and disrespects me. She had moved out after high school, got into an abusive relationship, and I let her move back in with me and my parents. After all of us continually being disrespected and lied to continuously I put my foot down and told her that she had to find a different place to live.

I (and you) deserve to be treated better. And I'll be damned if I will continue to subject myself (and my parents) do this kind of disrespect. As hard as it is to do this to her, I know that it is for the best, and as a parent isn't that our responsiblity...to teach our children?

Answer 2

You have already taught them it's ok to walk all over you. Unfortunally probalby the only way to get thru to this person is corporal punishment. You have heard the addage spare the rod spoil the child. Well there it is. Let him run to others but let the child know this if they want to stay with you with free room board and light bill they will respect you and the rules of your household or they can move out and pay their own damn light, food, rent! I tell you this is tough love and isn't an easy thing to do but they need to learn there is consequences for their actions. And you need to grow a back bone and lay down the law.

Answer 3

Out of curiosity, why do you care if your grown adult child is bad mouthing you? Your ages, I'm sure are far enough apart that you wouldn't run in the same circle. Besides, why do you think they are? Is it because some non blood relative friend of your says so? Have a little faith, and if after all this you still feel like you are being abused, confront them. If he/she denies it, make sure you ask with the one that informed you of this high school drama, is present.

Answer 4

That happens all the time in my family where multiple siblings have achieved low and high rungs on the social ladder, though the problem has at least been resolved to a temporary standstill. My older sister loaded plenty of bile on my mother's back (unfortunately, reputation was destroyed before any understanding could be reached), but asked for a $2000 loan the next day. What happened next was my mother's flat refusal to give a cent, stating her reasons for doing so. After alot of endless heated debate it was decided that my sister be entirely independent and seek help elsewhere where she could. I am not sure whether this would be the most appropriate way for you to handle your situation, but you could tell your child that he/she needs to learn that they can't keep running to you with his/her problems until they learn better respect (or, better, tell them to fend for themselves.)

Answer 5

I know what my Mom would have done if I had tried that as I have an older brother who did that years ago. It broke my Mom's heart of course, especially as my Brother was a rather difficult and violent child ( he mostly victimized me, but not to worry as I got over it ) and she always shielded him from my Dad who was an Abusive Alcoloholic Father and Husband and yet he would later go on to vilify her and see my Dad as some kind of hero (He was in WWII). After he was basically kicked out for attacking my Mom ( I stopped him ) at the age of 18, he would go off for months, then show up with some sob story about what have you and my Mom would bale him out with money or food or whatever. She once saved him from foreclosure and later on refused to pay her back. I could never understand this as I told him I was not interested in being his brother after he tried to hurt my Mom so I disowned him. Now several times he seemed to be OK over the years and I tried to accept him back, but his violent sociopath behavior would resurface. Eventually my Mom couldn't take it anymore and the only he has only seen her once in about 10 years as she is in a nursing home and is paralyzed so is restricted to a wheelchair. She told him nice to see ya , buh bye and she told him not to come back ever.
Tell him to Bugger off and get his life together and say see you in 10 or 20 years but if he can't show you the basic decencies of life, then he is unworthy of your consideration. A lot of people seem to think it is OK to let family members walk all over us because they are "Family". I say bollocks to this as I believe because they are family they should treat you ten times better than everyone else. I can vicariously feel your pain and I am a single dad to a 15 year old son and have told him all about this and said if her ever behaves this way he will be disowned by me and the rest of the family.
I am very sorry for you and I hope you can come to some kind of terms to solve this. Good Luck !!!!

Answer 6

I raised one like this. It is called tough love. You first must grow up stand firm and let them fall on their face. Then allow them to pick them selves up. ........ WITHOUT YOUR HELP.....
It really is not the grown kids fault in a way. if you will look at it honestly. For They are no different than those who make a living off welfare. whine and complain run down the system yet they are first in line to receive their welfare check.
Well my dear lady YOU ARE MOMMIES WELFARE.
So how do you deal with them . Show them this answer and no matter if they believe you or not DO NOT GIVE IN. let them know they are on their own.
Even the birds have enough since to push their young out of the nest.

Answer 7

Don't help them with their needs unless they behave better. By helping them with their needs when you know they badmouth you, you are reinforcing this negative behavior. If you don't reinforce it and take away a privilege, then they will learn that badmouthing you will remove your help. They will then stop badmouthing you. This may seem bad, as this is your child, but your child is grown, and he/she should be able to fend for himself/herself without your help. Your help is your choice because your child is an adult and needs to learn to behave like one.

Answer 8

What has occured his is quite simple....your child asks and he/she receives. There's obviously more to your story than this surface question you have posted. Based on this limited information, I suggest that the next time your child comes to you for something, sit down with your child and aide him/her in discovering how he/she can achieve their needs on their own. For instance, if money is an issue, help your child develop a budget. What it sounds like is you have given your child everything and he/she lacks self-sufficiency. In the initial stages of this change process I encourage you to remain firm and consistent. Your child may protest, but eventually both of you will benefit. Your child will gain newfound independence to make choices and achieve things on his/her own. And, you will not feel so taken advantage of. Good luck.

Answer 9

Probably easier said than done, but sounds like you should teach them a lesson. Cut back on how much you help them. Parents are precious, and some people just dont realize that yet. If they realize how lucky they are to have you, they shouldnt treat you bad. Sorry about your situation but hang in there and keep asking people for suggestions- you will think of something that should work!

Answer 10

I believe that there is one of this type,if not more, in every family. However, in my case, it is worst. My children wish death on us with one side of their lips, and the other side, they wish us health. However, in the final analysis, each one of them do the emotional roller coaster bit with us, hurting us. I don't take any one of their nonsense. I tell back and email right back. I know we will not talk but I rather it this way. I am the Mother. I gave them birth, and feel for them. I could see clearly that they only need money from us. It is sad but this is how Generation X operates. Therefore, though difficult, it is best to hold on to yourself, find interest, and leave the kids alone. They were kids, now they are miserable adults who would kill for that penny.