How do you tell teenagers that MOM (divorced) deserves to have a private life (IE: boyfriend)? No acceptance.?

Question

Mom's been divorced for over 2 years and at their beck & call. Dad is (and always HAS been) away from the house, golfing, out of town, never around, who knows where?). Mom has continuously covered for him and now 50/50 custody is more like 95/5 (if THAT!). Kids basically run mom's life and now don't want to share her "time" with a new love, a boyfriend that she recently fell in love with. Kids are threatening to stay at friends houses or dad's (who's never home, anyway). Also threatened to never talk to her or SEE her again if she insists on seeing "him" (the new boyfriend). Using LOVE as leverage, mom feels like she has no alternative than to "give in" and let them have their way. Dad won't support in ANY way (after all: SHE's covering for HIM most of the time). Mom is on call 24/7 for kids which are 13 (f), 16 (m), and 19 (f). Oldest is continuously "checking up on mom while the son is calling her filthy name, insinuating that she's sleeping around when she spends the nite.

Answer 1

...wow... I'm speechless. These kids sound like monsters. And her ex-husband sounds like a great role model for them too.

1). Mom no longer covers for Dad.

2). Let the older kids go to dad's if they want, they'll find him missing and come back home anyway.

3). Do NOT let kids dictate how you live your life.

4). Sit down and have a family meeting (sans Dad) and explain that it is time for you to move on and start dating. Tell them it's okay to feel a little uncomfortable (it is only natural, after all) but that it is something that they should get used to because you are not going to be alone for the rest of your life.

5). As for the incredible rotteness of the kids, 16 and 19 are a bit old to start teaching manners that should have been ingrained from a much earlier age, but tell them that treating anyone like that ESPECIALLY a parent is no longer going to stand. Set rules. Stick to them. No allowance, no help, no rides, nothing if these rules are broken.

Those are my suggestions. Good luck.

Answer 2

Your children may see something in him that you don't see. Ask them to be very specific about what they find wrong with him. If they don't give you anything that would prevent you from seeing him, stand your ground. See him once a week for about a month. The second month go out with him one night a week and invite him over another night for dinner. Your children are at the age when they are beginning to build a private life away from the family. Quit covering for the father. Be absolutely honest with the kids. They need to see his faults. It will help them learn what kind of adult they need to be. Because of the 13 and 16 year olds, I wouldn't be spending the night with the boyfriend. You're setting a bad example and they probably feel some neglect by you. That just gives them and your ex more ammunition.

Answer 3

Personally, I think it's time to stop covering for "dad". They're old enough, they can handle the truth. Don't give in to them. YOU are the parent. I'd start with not giving them any privacy, let them see how it is. And punish them, if your son is calling you names, take away things, ie, car keys, tv, etc.

The problem is more than just the fact that you have found a new love I think. Especially if your son is acting like that, I say that his father has set a bad example and has taught his son not to respect women in general. Don't let them rule your life, you are the adult, if they dont like it, it suck, thats why YOU'RE the mommy. You deserve respect considering all that you do, and if they don't like it, then maybe its time for mom to take back the reins and show them whos the boss.
hang in there!

Answer 4

Thats awful. My kids actually WANT me to start dating again. (the oldest ones) Thats very selfish of your kids to make unreasonable demands on your personal life. They are old enough to have a life of their own, and calling you names is unacceptable. I would try to get them to realize that they are not babies anymore. If they have no desire to get to know the boyfriend, then tell them to go ahead and go to the friends house when you wanna spend time with him. Once they are at the friends, they will see that the world does not revolve around them (as they think it does in your home) and they will appreciate you more. Soemtimes TOUGH LOVE is the only way to handle this situation. Stand your ground. Those kids are no longer kids, they are almost grown.

Answer 5

its a tuff situation. i understand cuz i am a single mom, my children are young n pretty much remember nothing but their daddy n i being apart. your kids are older. they still have daddy issues. i really dont know what to tell you. my mom n i use to fite constantly over one of her boyfriends. you deserve a life of your own but at the same time they are your life. if your kid is calling you names for staying overnite maybe overnite visits to or from your boyfriend are not a good idea. i had to stop letting my boyfriend stay over nite cuz my kids get use to that. then what if one day he just isnt there ne more cuz we break up so i get anoter boyfriend, that is not the influence i want my children under. do you all kids n boyfriend ever do ne thing together? maybe you all need more outings so all can get to know one another n get use to each other. always talk to your children, tell them what is going on how you feel why you like this guy and ask them for their opinions and just take it slow with them. you maybe more than ready for a boyfriend and i completley understand that but your children may not be ready for somebody else to come in and play daddy.

Answer 6

You can't tell your mom's boyfriend that she doesn't want him. She's the only one that can do that. Maybe your mom is just suffereing still from her divorce. Some women that have been divorced and have older children feel some need to fall in love again before it's to late. And sometimes they just pick the first guy they see on the street and don't wait to fall in love. You only find true love once. Maybe your mom's true love was your dad. Maybe she hasn't found her true love yet. I don't know. Time will tell. Just respect your mother's desicions.

Answer 7

This is a hard one, i know that growing up i used to get jealous of my mums boyfriend, i would just try to sit down with them and explain that you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone. And try to keep your family life and your social life separate for now anyway. I would think that as they get older they will become a little bit more understanding! And i think if they are threatening to go to their fathers let them, tell them that if they want to go that's fine but that they are also more than welcome to stay, you will probably find that they don't really want to go they are just trying whatever they think will work. And if they do go they will probably get a rude awakening and will be back before you know it!

Good luck!!!

Answer 8

These teens are very abusive and controlling people. The household sounds very unhealthy, and due to the age of the kids it sounds like a situation that requires family counseling. It will be important for these kids to learn respect of others and compassion if they ever are going to have any healthy relationships in their lives.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like the kids are in charge of mom. Time for a family meeting, and maybe some counseling. You're probably giving in to them way to much and they are seriously spoiled because of it. I imagine that their shabby attitude goes beyond your dating as well.

Answer 10

Just be forward and tell them. If they would only give this man a fair chance they might like him. And if they see you are happy they will except it sooner or later. Do not give in and give up your happiness for them. Sound to me like they better grow up and realize you are the adult and you have a right to have a life. And it is not like your leaving them out. They are just jealous. Enjoy your life don't be a fool like me and give up happiness.