My wife says she does not love me anymore, Why?

Question

About 3 weeks ago my wife came out and told me that she had lost spark for me, she has rapidly escelated to saying she does not love me anymore. She says I am a good man and a good father to our 4 year old girl but she just does not love me anymore. Infidelity has never been an issue, I have a great job, I always come home right after work, I clean, do laundry, cook most meals. She has always "needed" me around to feel comfortable, but she has become increasingly comfortable without me. It is like she does not need me to feel safe any more. I think the feeling of safety I brought her was what made her feel love. I have made the mistake of begging for her love and getting very emotional, which she says made things much worse. My daughter and I went home to stay with my parents for a the past 5 days. She calls daily to talk to my daughter. When I tell her I miss her she says "thanks". I cannot belive someone I have shared so much with has grown so cold towards me.

This has totally consumed me, I have not been able to work. I have ran out of vacation and am now on a leave of absence. Every minute of every day is spent thinking about how I can "fix" this. My family is everything to me. All of my hopes and dreams include my wife. I have spent countless nights awake, I cry like a baby, and my stomach is totally upset. I have dropped 17 pounds in the last 2.5 weeks. I tell myself to be strong for my daughter and get back to work but I just can't get over the hump. We moved 400 miles to a new home so she could be closer to her family, now I am alone in the area with few people to talk to. Others tell me to go have fun, find another woman. I have NO interest in doing that. I am just driving myself crazy. I have burned incense, tried relaxation tecniques, taken herbs, and now am taking Lorazopam. I should hate her for what she has done, but I simply cannot turn my pain to anger. Among other insults, she has called me pitiful for crying. This is Hell!!!

Answer 1

i know this sounds very cold, but....please move on ok. she evidaently has no feelings for you anymore and the longer you hang on to her, the worse you will feel. if you have to beg for her love...baby it aint worth it at all. sounds to me like you were doing everything for her....now it's time to do things for yourself and your child. let her go her own way.

Answer 2

Perhaps your marriage problem comes from your non-traditional relationship with your wife.

In a traditional family, the husband and wife divide their family duties and responsibilities according to their gender. The husband is the main bread-winner and the wife is mainly responsible for doing the household work.

And in your family, these duties and responsibilities seem to be all mixed up. If you earn the money and do the household work, then what are her responsibilities? If she also earns the money and does half of the household work, then it's pretty obvious why your relationship depends on fickle feelings that can change unpredictably. The two of you really don't need each other.

Without the division of labor and responsibilities in the family, you don't have any meaningful exchange of practical love between you and your wife. You can't say to your wife that you love her because you are bringing home the bacon. She is also bringing home the bacon. And she can't say to you that she loves you because she prepares the food and cleans the house. You are also doing this work.

Without the traditional division of labor and responsibilities in the family, the husband and wife end up being little more than room-mates who have sex with each other once in a while. They really don't need each other. And they can split and go their separate ways at a whim.

I think that this is what has happened in your family. And this is probably the main reason why the divorce rate is so high in USA and in other industrialized countries. Without the traditional division of labor, the husband and wife don't really need each other to live well. They can and often do break apart at a whim, without any good reason except that their fickle feelings have changed for some unknowable reason.

I wish you luck in saving your marriage. But if you do get divorced, then I suggest that you try the traditional type of relationship in your next marriage. Such relationships have worked for thousands of years in many different societies.

It's ok to experiment with new relationships. But when the new relationships make families fall apart, then it makes sense to abandon them and go back to what has worked reasonably well before.

Answer 3

I GOT THE ANSWER FOR YOU!!!
i GOT THE ANSWER FOR YOU!!

Alright let me tell you what to do and if this doesn't work it is because there is someone else:

You ignore her, not to the point to where you are an a*ss, but enough to be noticed. (your gonna have to stay strong and not get emotional if you want this to work) No more of that cleaning doing dishes crap. come on your a man sit in front of the tv and ignore her.Even if you at your parents don't talk to her, when she calls give the phone to your daughter immediatly. and if she does ask to talk to you keep everything short and sweet. No i miss yous no what are you doings nothing that shows that you are at all interested in her. Just do this and she will want you back cause woman want a challenge not a push over and honey thats what you are. I mean you left the house and took the kid tell me what guy does that

Ok now if she ask you to come home, great go home but just say fine.(big deal to only say fine) Go home and pay no attention to her no house work, Be busy if you talk short and sweet. O and no sex (will help alot) Eventually she will want you more than ever thats when you dish it out baby. when she is gone get the house ready for a romatic evening (im talking movie romantic) rose petals on the bed candles dinner(weather or not you cooked it) make it like wow and then you have your night make love and tomorrow will be like a new day

GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

First, I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I think the distance apart might have made her have a change of heart. She might be involved with someone else or maybe she plans on becoming involved with someone else. If you two were arguing she most likely said it out of rage. If you two weren't arguing at all, then she might be very serious about it and at that point it might be best to move on. You know your wife. Was she crying (might hurt her, but she's really not in love)/ smiling (might just want attention) or mad (might just be angry). You should try to give some more info about the situation and how your relationship has been since her departure. Ok so I just saw your addition. It was your idea? Already i'm sensing that this from the beginning was a one sided relationship. Granted, in every relationship there is one person who loves the other more. In this case it seems that maybe she didn't want to really get married or perhaps she was not able to think it through. Now, it's all becoming clear-vividly clear that she does not want to be married. She said she loves you meaning she cares for you deeply and would not want anything to happen to you but she is not in love with you ("i don't love you like that"). It might not be someone else. She might not have been ready for a committed relationship (with you?) or maybe she thought she was, but realized while in Kuwait that she wasn't.

Answer 5

OMG!!! You sound like the dream husband, and she sounds, well, I wont criticize, that is not gonna help. However, you need to do something to make your self feel better about you, and stay focused on your baby girl and you. In time your pain will lesson and though it may never go away completely, you will get over it. I am sure you will have plenty of people come into your life and maybe even someone so special that they make you go nuts over them. BUT, they should feel the same about you. Not all women would treat you that way, so don't give up. But if that is how she is treating you, I would lay off, and see what happens from there. Do you really want to push to be with someone who treats you that way? That sounds kind of lonely, even if you were together. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone think about you for a change instead of themselves? It is nice to give, it feels good to give, but you have done too much. Now it is time for you to think of someone else, "YOU." I hope it all works out well...

Answer 6

You have made it to safe for her, women like to be keep on their toes, trust me if you treated her like sh** she would be all over you. Don't do that, just don't be so available to her. You have shown her that you need her more than she needs you now that you have made her comfortable with herself. The only thing that I can tell you is that you need to get back the respect that you lost when you laid your feelings out to her. She knows that she can pretty much do whatever she wants and will, and she could still get you back. Don't let that be the case. I always feel sad when I see that a good man is in for a rocky road ahead. Time to be a little selfish and take care of you. You don't want someone that only wants you to make her feel better. Good luck, I hope you find what you are looking for.

Answer 7

Gee wiz, I am so sorry to hear some as nice as you is going through this I am a situation that is not the most comfortable but I wish my husband was more like you wanting to help me around the house. He never does when he is home. We do not have kids and I despratly want to be a mom. I wish you the best. You sound like a great guy that does not deserve to be treated that way!

Answer 8

It sounds as if something is missing. What that is only she can answer. If you can't get her to talk to you and work things out suggest couseling. Let he know that you want to do it because you want to find out what has changes or if there is anything that can be done. Even if it still turns out that you don't stay together you might just get an answer or understanding of why thing turned out the way they did.

Answer 9

Listen, I dont even have to read your entire question to answer it. If a shrink could interview every woman in the world, I believe he would come to the same conclusion as I have. Just this, ALL women are legally insane. Crazy. They cant help what they do and therefore cannot be held responsible for it. Also may be retarded.

Answer 10

Wow......I am sorry u are going through so much pain, I think that perhaps, your wife might have met another man and maybe doesn't want to tell u. Has she changed jobs recently?? That would give a woman more confidence. I would give you advice to go on with your life without her and only time will tell, be glad she is honest with you about her feelings

Answer 11

do a google search on the internet
how to salvage your relationship
there s an arthur out there specializing in this
dont panic just go with the flow of things
do not try to stop her, tell her that she is right about it that u guys did lose a spark, soon she realize what she is doing and change her mind but do not pressure her, right now she in the opposite side of any fence with u, so get on her side and watch everything change u cant be afraid to lose her