Has anyone ever felt alone in marriage?

Question

Anyone else feel like they are always lonely when they are married? My husband seems to rather be doing anything then to be around me the only time he is home is when he has his kids and when its dinner time other then that and bedtime he prefers to be anywhere but home with me

Answer 1

Yes Amy, I've experienced that feeling in the past. Feeling alone and lonely when you're married is such a difficult thing to understand when it's completely opposite of what you expected and such a big part of why we chose to be in a committed relationship. It's hard to understand sometimes but my experience's left me believing that my significant other entered the marriage with me for reasons other than love and sharing. She wanted someone to provide for her, protect her from her own mistakes, support her self centeredness and while doing all these things she expected me to be understanding of her need for her own space. Her own space was all there was and it was exactly what separated us from one another. I think the worst part of it was the whole time I lived in this 'world of hers' there was no one I felt comfortable talking to about it because I kept thinking everyone would think I was a fool for staying but I loved her. But one day I realized that no matter how much I loved her, unless she loved me equally and wanted to spend time with me the way I wanted to be with her then it was all pointless. So yes, I know exactly how you feel and just wanted you to know you aren't alone in feeling this way.

Best wishes from a friendly stranger

Answer 2

My second marriage, my husband and I were happy, really happy for a while. We've been together four years. Right now he spends all of his time outside working in the yard and bullcrap projects he never finishes. It's the same **** every single day, he wanders inside the house late in the evening, eats, and wants to go to bed. We never talk or spend time together. I feel isolated. I gave up everything for him, a nice apartment, a good job, my friends and family. I moved to here from five states away and I don't know anyone. It's an endless cycle and I'm sick of it. I'll stay because I don't have anyone else and I still care about him. I just wish I had some friends, I don't anymore. At least I have the internet and a blog. :o(

Answer 3

Sounds like insecurity. Some husbands use the TV, lots use video games/computers, some use their tool sheds and garages, tons use work.

I wonder if they aren't running from their family because of something that makes them feel inadequate.

In any case, it's not acceptable. Communication is the life blood of the marriage. I don't see anything wrong with some individual time, to unwind per se. But after that hour or alotted time is up, it's time for them to step up and be part of the family. Don't let them get away with it.

If it's really bad, you might try just being in the same room, but not squashing his need for "independance." Like he goes in one room to get away, pick up your book and follow him in. Don't pressure him to talk to you or climb all over him, (as much as that's exactly what you deserve), but just maintain the peace and quiet and allow him to lose whatever edge he has developed being around the family. Eventually start creeping in and including him in activities.

Oh and skipping dinner? I don't find that acceptable either. Take dinner to him. Have a picnic on the basement floor if that's what it takes. *lol*

One other thing you could try doing... maintaining your distance as well. Some guys have a funny sense of being followed around or the center of your attention, and being needed. But then when you come home and go straight to a bath say, they peak their heads in, and it's "I didn't know you were home. Why didn't you come say hi?" Oh ho! *lol*

Answer 4

I was married for 25 years, and was "alone", and lonely, all the time. I never knew a bed was 20 feet wide until I got married, and experienced it. She would face the other wall, right up next to the edge, and it seemed like she was 20 feet away. Well, she's gone now, and my Queen size bed fits me just fine. I am alone, but far from Lonely. I am sorry you are having to live like that. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

I was in the same boat. Married but alone. Married and a single mom. Well you have some options, you can talk to him and suggest marriage counselor or you can just leave and file for a divorce. The choice is yours but make sure its one that you will be able to live with. Good luck!

Answer 6

sometimes i feel just like another piece of furniture in my house. my bf prefers to play computer games, watch sports, read books or whatever he is in the mood for at the moment. this dont happen all the time but when it happens it hurts my feelings but he says: as a guy I need my personal time, my space you know? I dont cheat on you, i dont go to bars or strip clubs with my friends so you should not complain. and it's true. Sometimes i need attention and sometimes i need MORE attention but that's my nature since I was the princess in my family. I have to understand and respect him. Of course when this happens I feel like crap but i try to do something like watch a movie etc and later or the next day i know he'll spend quality time with me. you should let him know the way you feel and dont try a long conversation because they think it's "drama". just get to the point and dont be weak.

Answer 7

Well I have. But then I found things to enjoy by myself. Have you ask him why he is running from you? There must be somethings you both like to do together, tell him to at least spend one evening doing something together. Go see a movie or eat out. I hope you finds ways not to feel alone, cause its worst to be married and feel that way then to be single and alone.

Answer 8

I did in my first marriage but not in this marriage! I have a great marriage now and never feel alone! Try to do things with your spouse that he likes to do and spend time with him. Take the kids to a sitters and spend an evening alone with him. Make him feel special.

Answer 9

I feel your pain...that's why i got divorced..since i was doing everything anyways i might as well get rid of him and im glad i did. Sorry this isn't much help but i hear what your saying...

Answer 10

yes I do and I am not sure what to do either. But I can relate to what you are feeling.