i am 14 and my mom found my cigerettes in my purse now she thinks i am doing other like havring sex, smoking?

Question

and stuff like that but i wanna now why she is going through my stuff. she also says i dont tell her anything well she doesnt ask so what should i do plus i am the oldest of 12 kids but 6 live with me.....................help

Answer 1

As a mother of four teens,I know from some experience that I would have snooped if they didn't tell me things.Lucky for me , my children came to me for everything,including smoking and the(sex) thing.Your mom has allot of responsibility in raising all of you,and I'm sure if you had questions to ask her she would try with the best of her ability to help you out. Smoking only short ins your life,and if you are already addicted there are things that can help you quit.Be more open with your mom,remember that she used to be your age at one time and no matter how you try to hide things from her,she'll find out.You only have one mom,trust her. Hope I helped you out.

Answer 2

#1 you need to stop smoking and tell her that. Stop bringing them in the house. That'll take care of that problem right away. Make sure you have a heart felt talk with her and tell her you DON'T have sex and MAKE SURE if you tell her you stopped smoking cigarettes that you actually stop! Be truthful to her. She loves you. Trust me, that's the only reason she is getting worried. That's EXACTLY how my mom was too and it's only because they worry. I am also the oldest child of 8 kids. I'm 20 years old and just went through what you are going through now! Except it happened to me when I was 15. SO that was 5 years ago. Trust me sweetie, you don't want to mess your life up now. You'll regret it FOREVER....I know that first hand...and listen to this....do you ever see an adult that smokes cigarettes and they look brown and wrinkly? Well, that's what cigarettes do to you. I'm telling you, then DON'T make you look cool AT ALL and they ARE REALLY BAD FOR YOU!!! PLease stop smoking before it becomes a full blown addiction, you don't need them. Stay young and beautiful while you can!!!

Answer 3

sounds like you are in desperate need of some privacy. while it was wrong that your mom was going through your stuff, unfortunately families do not work like the legal system, you mom can still use evidence that she found without a warrant against you. and the fact that she did find something, will make her think that she was right to go through your stuff. try having a mature talk with your mom about the cigarettes, talk to her about why you've been smoking. make it sound like a problem your having. bring up the stress of being a teenager and having all those siblings. admit that you need help. if you focus on the cigarettes, then your mom will assume you are not doing all that other stuff. accept any help she tries to give you, and really try to quit, because smoking is a bad habit. then once you have everything squared away with your mom, talk to her about your need for privacy.

Answer 4

Well she is going through your purse because she is a good parent. You don't have any rights to privacy when you are fourteen and living at home. Who on earth told you that you have rights to privacy? Whomever they were they were wrong. Clearly your mother doesn't trust you and she has good cause. You are not trustworthy. And, incidentally if you ARE smoking at 14, the chances are that you ARE sexually active. You didn't say in your question if you are screwing around or not, but if you are rebelling by smoking then the next step is to rebel by letting boys screw you. The two often go hand in hand.

Answer 5

This would be a great time to quit smoking. Obviously, your mother has good reason to look through your things.

It must be tough, being the oldest of 12. You must have a lot of responsibility. Even though it isn't fair, you should try to be as helpful to your Mom as you can. If you give her reasons to think you're responsible, she may be less likely to search your stuff.

Also, at 14, you are her responsibility, and she has every right to do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Like take away your cigarettes.

You have given her reason to think you can't be trusted. You will have to work very hard to earn her trust back.

Good luck.

Answer 6

If you are smoking, she doesn't know what other behaviour you are participating in. The issue isn't that she went through your purse - the issue is that she had to. If she could trust you, she wouldn't have to go through your purse. If you feel like it's damaged your relationship with your mother, see if both of you can get into a counselor (at school or separate from school) and work this out with his/her help.

Answer 7

Respecting boundaries is a tough one for both parents and children. It all pretty much has to do with TRUST. If you mom doesn't feel she can trust you then she's going to feel the need to invade your privacy. But, unfortunately, if you have broken your mother's trust then you'll have to earn back your privacy by getting to a point in your communication with her where she's comfortable that you're making good decisions. Sounds like you might be excusing your poor decisions by bringing up your mother's own life choices. The thing is, she's an adult and you're still a child. I give her credit for having the energy to make sure you turn out well, if not better than she did. Most moms want more for their children than they have for themselves. She doesn't want you to make her mistakes over again.

Answer 8

u r 14 im 14 u need not have cigerettes in ur purse wen u start to stink and boyz dont like u, u will learn

Answer 9

You are 14 and live under your moms roof and under her authority. To be honest you don't really have any room to complain. She probably looked thru your stuff cuz you have been untrustworthy in the recent past.
If you don't want her going thru your things and treating you more like an adult you need to show her you can be trusted.
Plus she should worry about finding cigs....they are very unhealthy for you.

Answer 10

you already have heard that you shouldn't be smoking so i won't say that to you but i will say that you need to talk to your mom and give her the rundown of what is going on with you otherwise things will only get worse between you two trust me. settle this like adults since you probably feel like an adult already show her that you are mature enough to come to her and discuss things with her you don't have to give her a reason to think things about you or worry when you can open your mouth and communicate with your mom.