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I am attracted to an older man at work who I think is attracted to me too. I can't get him out of my head. I love my spouse and would never leave him to pursue someonelse especially this man at work who is married also. The fact is I wouldn't have even noticed him if it weren't for the fact that he started talking to me. I noticed him and found him to be very attrative now I can't stop thinking about him. It feels like I am in school again, when I am at work I can't wait to see him because I like that he looks at me and I even take pride in how I look otherwise I probably wouldn't care. How do I deal with these feelings? I can't stop thinking about him and I love my spouse very very much and would never leave him or cheat on him but I find this man so attractive why can't I stop these feelings? - Help!

2006-06-07 09:27:06 · 5 answers · asked by dreamgirl47315 1 in Social Science Psychology

5 answers

I don't think you can stop feelings, you can only respond to them in ways that might diminish or increase their intensity.

It's common for a woman to be attracted to a guy who pays attention to her. That's a big sign that you're a desirable person. Don't get down on yourself about that.

But you also know that you want to be committed to your spouse, and find yourself doing things to please this married guy and keep his attention.

So you'll feel these things, but you can stop doing things to cater to them. Don't dress up for this guy. Don't go out of your way to talk to him. And if you find that you are tempted to be unfaithful to your spouse, you should break off the communication. That's too bad, but sometimes it's necessary if you are committed to your marriage.

(If you don't take painful steps and instead cater to your feelings, you will eventually fall for this guy even if you don't plan to right now. That's just how people work.)

Meanwhile, is there something this guy does that your hubbie doesn't? Why don't you feel the same level of attention from him that you do from your coworker? You can talk to your spouse and work through any issues that are there, so that he can rightfully assume the place of your friendly kind coworker in your life again.

Again, don't blame yourself for feeling this way. Feelings just happen. What you're accountable for is your response to them, and what you commit yourself to.

2006-06-08 05:40:55 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 3 0

As a man or woman thinketh, so is he. If you are feeling attracted, something is going to happen. A female co worker once told me her mother's advice was "you don't get your bread and meat from the same table. He may be using one of those female attraction chemicals. Danger Will Robinson!

2006-06-07 14:47:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You can stop the feelings, you choose not to stop them. Because you have been married, it sounds as though your spouse isn't giving you the attention you crave.
If you don't stop it, you will cheat, and you will justify your actions.
So, no! It's not okay unless you care to end up in divorce court.

2006-06-07 16:30:06 · answer #3 · answered by dixie_til_i_die 5 · 0 0

s okay to be attracted but stop it right there, make up your mind that he is only a friend and coworkers,you are a married woman.and you will not jeopardize that that for a flirtation.all who love and respect you will cease to do so including your self when you realise what a mistake you made,be friendly and leave it at that. sue

2006-06-07 10:19:27 · answer #4 · answered by sue473 1 · 0 0

You are only human these feels will never go away . Don't be upset this person may have something you are looking for in your spouse but is not there.

2006-06-07 09:31:59 · answer #5 · answered by Lindsay 4 · 0 0

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