I'm dating a widower?

Question

I'm 23 and my boyfriend is a 34yr old widower who has a 3yr old daughter. I'm starting to question whether or not I should stick around. Our biggest obstacle is his wife’s sister she is 21 and has 2 kids which he let them move in with him for over a year (for free) she takes advantage of him it’s never ending with the drama. I have told him that it's hard for me to be around someone I can't respect and who makes hurtful comments just to upset me and he gets upset saying “I avoid her at all cost” I just rather not be somewhere where I'm uncomfortable. I know I'm being insecure and I try to put myself in her position it's just hard when my boyfriend drops everything to help her out and the one time I needed his help moving he was out of town co-signing on a new car for her. My friends and family said "Well we know where his priorities are" and sometimes I feel I'm not one of them... am I overreacting? I drop everything to help him so it hurts that he treats me like this.

I'm sorry I confused some people. But his sister-in-law moved out of his house when we started dating. I have my own appartment which he has pushed the issue of me moving in w/ him but I refuse to b/c it is to soon.

Answer 1

I do not think that you are overreacting, actually, you are seeing the signs that your relationship may not be working out. While he may feel obligated to help his in-laws since it is his deceased wife's sister, and he has a child, it does not excuse his dropping everything to help them with everything.

You need to have a calm, but heart to heart talk with your boyfriend. Acknowledge that you think it is admirable that he not only raises his child, but keeps in touch and helps his sister-in-law. However, mention that you feel that he is giving too much of himself (and his money and home) to his sister-in-law.

He may see the light, or actually perhaps feel slighted. But you need to talk to him calmly and express the desires you have for your own relationship with him and how you need to spend time with him and need to feel that he will be supportive of you if needed.

Based on your conversation, he may start to ween the sister-in-law off from the mooching, or he may not see things as you do. You will then need to reassess the relationship and whether it is worth continuing.

Answer 2

Your relationship is not going to work out if he keeps that up with his sister in law. since his wife is gone he has no more response abilities to her or her family he should move on with his new life which is you. If he is doing all that for her then you know where his priorities are Ur family is right about that. tell him how u feel and if he can't stop what he is doing then leave. let him have her you don't need that stress. Trying to put yourself in her position is not worth the time why would she let someone keep her up for a year and not pay anything she is just taking advantage of him and you. move out tell him to cut all financial ties with her or your going to be gone for good. spending time and talking to that family is one thing but keeping them living is another. If he made a promise to his late wife that he would take care of her sister then i would let it go and move on without asking him to change.
but if not then either he changes or u go.

Answer 3

You sound like me in a way. I used to worry about my current boyfriend and what he did. He hated it and always got mad when I questioned him. SO I stopped- after a long time. Thats when he started getting more attached to me. I understand that its hard when she lives there- and I don't know that I could accept this. If you 2 are in a commited relationship I would talk to him about it. Stand up for yourself. Don't let him turn it around and be about you. Stand your ground and dont' back down. Believe me - it works. He needs to know that you are not just being the "jealous girlfriend" and that its his "fault" that you feel this way. You should be the priority- not her. Honestly sweetheart when he says "he avoids her at all cost" ask him why she lives with him. That will shut him up. YOu can do it... Just stand up for yourself

Answer 4

NO, you're not overreacting. Two suggestions. Try speaking frankly with the sister-in-law. Let her know exactly how you feel and that you do not wish to upset her but you need to know where you stand. Second, give him an ultimatum, her or me. If he doesn't chose you, get out of this (going nowhere) relationship before you waste any more time on this guy.

Answer 5

sounds like you got deeper problems than just HER. But I would have to admit living a significant other's sister could be hard. So do you pay anything for living there or does he support everyone. If he pays all the bills then you might consider just dealing with it, if yo ucontribute then I would say kick her out or find another boyfriend

Answer 6

wow, thats tough. no you're not overreacting. maybe you could keep your dates outside of the house? maybe you should confront her if you're feeling calm and he doesn't mind. but I can't help saying, he's eleven years older than you...with a kid...and an annoying family member. get some perspective and rethink the relationship. I hope everything works out! good luck

Answer 7

I think you should just leave and find someone without any drama like that. He probably feels obligated to help them because of his wife and that's okay but his daughter and you should be his top priorities.

Answer 8

He may never stop being such a nice bro to his selfish sis. These things will certainly ruin ur married life as well. You must leave him, or u'd land up being a divorcee...

Answer 9

Complicated


who does he love the most