to all those that have suffered domestic violence?

Question

when if ever do you get to the point where you say *no more*? i,ve been with my husband since 1999 he,s raped me a few times , punched me in the arm leaving massive bruising , expects me to jump when he says so tries his hardest to control me locked me out, shut the door in my face (thats a favouirte of his) tells me to get a life and most the time its because i dont know a answer to a question hes asked , tells me to leave plenty of times knowing i have no family or friends to turn to no where at all to go he moans at me if i have a bath or anything that i,m doing for myself or others and not him he,s like a child he wants everything to be around him his name is mr always right if he tells you the sky is bottle green then that god-damned sky is bottled green do you ever get to the stage where you say i,m leaving? do you ever get to the stage that you feel stronge enough to go? my confidence is soooo shattered i,m too scared to go i feel i cant cope on my own

Answer 1

HELLO?!?!?!?

NOW IS A PRETTY GOOD TIME!!

Answer 2

hello , how long is a piece of string how far down can you get before you hit rock bottom ,whats the worse that can happen if you leave and whats the worse that can happen if you stay?,
do you have children whether you do or not you can leave go to the police who can find a safe house for you but i think you know all this already you wont leave because you either still love him or your scared of being on your own but if you do leave then the only direction you can go is up i lived with a violent man for 5yrs he liked to head butt , occasionally when i was sleeping that was between 1990 and 1995 but in the end i thought im bloody worth more than this crap im not a door mat or a coward im a person so i left my home my job and my man and started again i survived now im stronger and more confident then ever it took ages to start thinking i was worth something but now im a single happy mum and two fingers up to any man that thinks he can control me again .... a man who is violent will always be violent never think or believe he will change he is a coward who is worth less than something ive scrapped off the bottom of my shoe . be brave and start enjoying life again il be thinking of you

Answer 3

Girl, trust me in saying that you CAN cope on your own- you just don;t know it yet. You mind and heart are stronger than you believe, which is why you've managed to stay there this long already. There are many men who do not treat their women that way & they are out there. If you need somewhere to turn for support and compassion work with a woman's shelter or group- the women here would always love your friendship & they orovide strength in the areas you need. Please, leave the b@st@rd before it escalates into a situation you cannot control.

Answer 4

Worst case...if you continue to be abused and abused and abused there will come a point when your mind will snap and you will find yourself flying at him with the nearest available weapon armed with inhuman strength

Don't let it come to that, leave...do it now...just leave

look at it as survival..it's either you or him, do not make yourself into a statistic on a police jotter somewhere

He will eventually kill you...or drive you insane

You will reach that point when you will take no more and you suddenly realise he is a weak little bully.

You will sit back after you leave him and wonder why the hell you wasted so much time on him...you will feel like a fool for wasting your life with him.

Do it now...get up, get your stuff and leave...please!

S
x

Answer 5

You WILL get to that point where you've had enough, but the question is - will you still be alive? I can understand your confidence being shattered, that's a HUGE part of abuse. They make you think you're nothing. I was in that same place, but I reached my "ENOUGH" point. Mine was this...he told me that he was going to shoot me in my sleep, I barricaded myself in my closet and stayed awake all night. Finally I thought, what am I doing? I thought for so long that I could fix him, know what? You can't - you cannot fix anyone.

I beg you - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call your local battered women's shelter, attend counseling and group therapy. You'll find your inner strength, you'll realize that you are NOT alone and you will realize that you CAN make it on your own. I did it, with three kids...I'm doing it everyday and you know what? I've NEVER been happier. No more walking around on pins & needles wondering if he's gonna blow up at me for some stupid reason.

I wish you the very best of luck honey, you CAN do it...you deserve a life without fear, without pain, without suffering. There's so much out there for you..and you CAN do it.

Answer 6

Okay. I grew up with a mother who stayed in this situation. Her confidence was shot to pieces. Little by little, all relatives and friends who could have helped were pushed away. We ended up living in isolation. He is dead now and there is not a day that goes past when I am not thankful of this.

You need to leave. Don't kid yourself that you can change him. Don't believe that you deserve this.

There are people who are there to help you but you need to be strong for yourself. You need to do most of the work because, sadly, the system is not as supportive as it should be (in the UK).

You can never reason properly with a person like this. Especially if he is always right. Your reason is - "I don't want to be with you anymore" because you don't. If he says that you are this and that, just agree. It doesnt matter because his opinion is ****.

Plan your escape, your places to go. Tell him your leaving, pack things and go. Go as far away as you can.

But before you do anything, go to this website. They were the most helpful agency involved in our 'situation'. Get advice from them first. Tell them that your confidence is zero. They will help you.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

I can't say I know what you're going through, but can you get in contact with any family or friends? Even if it's a distant aunt you don't like, just find somewhere to go where you can start you're life again. One day all of this will just be a bad memory, but please, try to get out of it. I bet you'll be a different peson without him, and you can make a whole new start all you have to do is walk out of the door. Good luck x
(I just read the one above, it's not you're fault, you're husband is sick not you)

Answer 8

You must feel so isolated and alone. Five years ago I had my own pub, my own cottage and a husband who acted exactly like yours. We had a young daughter. I was literally terrified for my life. My self esteem was at rock bottom and I believed him when he said he would hunt me down and kill me if I left. I was so traumatised that I couldn't even think for myself. Then one day something inside me snapped, I left, went 150 miles away, the police, the courts, everything had let me down, I also have severe ME and sometimes can't walk at all. without my business, I had no way of getting any money. I came to London, if you can prove or have reasonable proof of domestic violence, any council in the country, and I mean anywhere, has a duty to house you. but you will need proof. If you really cannot leave, I would report him the next time he hurts you. If you report him and drop the charges, the next time the police take matters into their own hands and will prosecute him. There are lots of women's refuges that will take you in. If you turn up at a local police station and tell them what's going on, that you want to leave but dont know how, they will be able to at least point you in the right direction, and they shouldnt arrest him unless you want them to. Five years further on, my illness is uncurable and so much worse, I spent seven months in a B&B, three and a half years in a temporary flat, and have been in my gorgeous new flat for over a year, my daughter doesnt want to see her father. She has grown into a confident and bright eight year old, so different from the traumatised, bedwetting child who couldn't be further than two feet away from me. I have had to fight to get housed, fight for benefits from a system i paid into for years. But in all that time I have not had to fight my husband, fight to get a bath, to have a telephone conversation, to make my own decisions. It is a battle, and my illness makes it so hard, but. But. But. But. I am happy. In leaving, in standing up for myself, I have a new confidence, I have self respect, I have learnt so much about myself, and now that I like myself, love myself evehn, I know I will never let another man treat me that way. I cope. You will too. That first step is so scary, but it brings strength. You will never feel strong enough to leave, but if you leave, you will feel strong enough to carry on. when you leave, you will need to take some time to lick your wounds and let the trauma slowly ebb away. You may need counselling, I did, and it was worth every minute, but I promise you, my life is satisfying, peaceful and I am happy. I hope you are able to take that step, or at least find someone you can talk to. You can walk into a church and find someone, you can call social services, but you absolutely must leave him. You say he moans when you do anything for others, please try and find one of those others and confide in them, I hope and pray you stay safe, and leave.

Answer 9

The first day he abused you, you should have left. There is help for you. Check with your local county, I guarntee you will find help.

This sounds cold, but if you have access to your bank account get what money you can before you leave, and if you have kids take them with you.

Another word of advice, call the police and get a restraining ordered filed. Ounce he is ask to leave change the locks.

Good luck to you, and remember if you look for help you will find it.

Answer 10

Get yourself into counseling and find your self respect, start working on ways to build a life for yourself so that you don't enable him to abuse you.
I feel for you, its a very hard cycle to break, but do the work, as you change so will he, can't guarantee it will be in ways you wanted it to be but change that is good for you will come. However, if he escalates his physical side with you call or go to the sheriffs office and have yourself taken to a women's shelter until you can figure out what to do, with their help of course.

Answer 11

you need to be strong. decided what you want you want to do and stick to it. there is plenty of support out there. women's refuges are a good place. they offer lots of help like place to live and emotional support. make a fresh a start and work on you(you are most important). domestic violence is awful, but you can get through this horrible time of it even if you dont feel as though you can. help is out there and not all men are like your husband. my new partner is ace, he has given me the confidence to do things i never thought possible and renewed my faith in faith. it will take alot of courage, but it will be in you somewhere. its just hiding at the moment