should i tell my husband the true?

Question

my first love was @ 19 when i was 15 and we had sex, he got locked up because of me, i never saw him again, when he was locked up he use to mail me leters after 2 years he stop mailing me letters so i started dating my husband and i have 1 little baby with him today, and he thinks i was a virgin when he meet me. and we have @ 3 years already of marriege
do yall think i have to tell him the true or what?

Answer 1

Yes. Make sure you tell him in a way that he is not threatened. Tell him because you love him and want him to know this from you. That other guy could show up at anytime. Something could happen and it could come out. He should know. But first, you get him aside and tell him that you have never loved anybody or trusted anybody like you do him. And that you are afraid of losing his love, but you are more afraid of hurting him with a lie. That love is based on truth and trust. You must trust him. Ask him if you can trust him to still love you after you tell him something hard from your past. If he says he does not want to know about your past, then shut up. That is fine.

Best of luck. BTW, I doubt that HE was a virgin when you first got together, either. And yes, fair is fair.

Answer 2

Leave well enough alone!
That information is not helpful to your relationship in any way. IF anything the backlash of that type of information could really be bad for your relationship & marriage. Being married is about Loving eachother, staying together and moving forward together towards mutually beneficial Goals. That information does not seem like its going to BENEFIT either of you, espeically since so many years have passed.

If anything, he might think that you are bringing it up to Hurt him in some way, which you would in fact be doing - Unnecessarily.

Unless there was some Real Necessity in letting him know (example: a long lost child, Some long term disease was contracted through sex with the other guy or if anything that happened because you had sex with the other guy could somehow come back right now to hurt your husband in someway, then maybe yeah he should know, but if all of those things are as HIGHLY UNLIKELY as they sound) I think somethings are just better left UNSAID. Especially since your married now and moving on (leave the past in Past).

Answer 3

If he asked you if your where a virgin and you LIED to him and said yes, than you should tell him the truth. Also if he just assumed you where a virgin because you never bought up your rape, I'd tell him about that too, but only if it's really bothering you to the point of sexual disfunction and you need for him to know why your having sexual difficulties or something like that.

If it's religious guilt thing. Ask God to forgive the man who raped you, ask him that you may forgive him, and pray for self healing. Remember, if this man was an adult, and you where only 15, that man deserved to be in prison. He is a pedophile, and even if you consented, he had no right to have intercourse with a minor child. It wasn't your fault, and you where raped.

Answer 4

It sounds like your lack of virginity might be a part of your ex's public record. Perhaps your name isn't mentioned because of your age. But could this guy show up to see you later? I'd take my chances, personally. Why start some kind of fight about it now? Maybe he'd see what you did as cheating since you let him think you were a virgin. Just be quiet about it unless its eating you up inside, but be ready for the consequences if you do tell.

Answer 5

well if the 19yo old that u had sex with disappeared and u r living gd life now then no need for making problems for something happened when u were young but should not keep a secret next time anything happenes again just tell him but dont tell him about that if u r living a happy life and also for ur baby

Answer 6

Keep it to yourself. Avoid the man the pain.

and besides... most people lie about their sexual past. Some women have been "virgins" several times. Don't make a big deal out of it. Not being a virgin when you married doesn't make you a bad person.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

I have learned to leave the pass in the pass. Your life after him has nothing to do whith what you have built with your husband. If he has never asked then I would leave it alone.

Move forward and live life. When we share our pass the other person will have it stored in the part of the brain that never forgets and when arguments come up that part of the brain starts taking out information to the person that nothing do with what is going on.

Leave it alone...look forward and love

Answer 8

well, you're marriage is pretty much based on a lie. if your that worried that your husband will find out, tell him. if you couldn't be open and honest with him in the first place, there's something wrong. just keep lying to him, cause you've been lying for so long already.

Honesty is the best policy, esp. something dealing with that, but in your case, I wouldn't say anything.

Answer 9

No I don't think its necessary. You should of told him the truth at the beginning, but to bring it up now, would just cause hurt feelings. I think it will cause more harm than good. It doesn't matter now. He probably wasn't a virgin either.

Answer 10

Mmmmm
You should tell him the truth, it would have been better if you told hi m in the beginning, but yeh he's ur husband , till death do you part, he should be able to understand, im sure its goina hurt him knowing that you werent a virgin when he thought you were, im sure hell be upset, but somehow if its bothering you you should tell him