Need a woman's point of view?

Question

I have been married for 12 years. Not the best. She has told me a unhappy 12 years. We have recently connected with each other again. Once and a while she brings up the past 12 years, ie, how come you did not want to do that before etc. Things are better than ever and I am more in love with her than I was when we first met. The big question is, should we talk about the past12 years and try to figure out what went wrong, or just keep doing what I am doing and keep trying to make things happy for us every day. I am not sure if we should bring up the past as I allways say the wrong thing and screw things up.

Answer 1

History is important. It tells us how we got to be where we are. Part of the reason things are so good now, probably have to do a little bit with overcoming the past 12 years. Also, History can repeat itself, so it is very important to learn from it, to prevent future mistakes. However, that is all History is good for! Appreciating it and learning from it are all you should be doing with it! Do not 'live' in the past or dwell on it, or it will hold you back or drag you both down! So in short, you can't pretend it doesn't exsist, but you also can't fear it, or it will give it more power than it actually has! Congrats, on getting through all the hard times! So many couples give up too soon, and never reap the rewards! You've earned these good times, no doubt, so enjoy!

Answer 2

I was married to my husband for 5 years. We divorced for 5 years and married other people. Then we remarried and have been together for almost 4 years this time. Things are better now because we are older and more mature. Sometimes we talk about the old days, but not the bad parts. It's just kind of understood at our house that we don't bring the bad stuff up. What good will it do? We both know where we screwed up. We both know how to avoid doing those things again. The past is done and there's nothing we can do about it. We just look toward the future and try to make a good life together now.

Answer 3

I would say, don't bring it up the past as a disscusion. But I am sure there are a lot of things you both can learn from what had happened.
If she were to bring things up and make remarks like "how come you did not want to do that before", just take it lightly and don't even argue with her. Just told her that the past has passed. I am trying to be a better man for you now and that's why I am we are here. Please don't focus on what had happened or what had not happened. And told her excatly how you feel about her.

I think if you keep up the good work, you guys will be very very happy from here on! You have my best wishes~

Answer 4

What happened in the past should stay in the past. It is sometimes hard to do, but it is possible. Look at this time together as a second coming and enjoy it. She may wonder way things are better now then they were before but you know, we change as time does and things we know now, we may not have in the past. That s why we say people grow old together.

People learn from their past mistakes. Maybe this is what is happening for you two. Good luck and keep loving each other.

Answer 5

communication is the key word. i know it sounds funny, btu most of relationships dont last because the lack of it. the past is the past, the present the present and the future well nobody knows. explain to her, that you are not the same man you were 12 yrs ago. that for the better, u have come to compromise your attitude and trying to make sure things go smootly from now on. i think she also needs to stop wondering about the "what if's" of 12 years ago. if she wants to be with u, she will. express to her that bringing up the past again and again just makes you feel bad and it wont help the situation in making the present and furture better for the two of you. if she continues to reflex on the past, i think u can suggest counseling, because there might be other issues there also.

Answer 6

I think that's wonderful you two are working out things for the better, not many people can say they accomplished that.

Answering your question, no, I don't think you should bring up the past in a negative way. If you are talking about the things you remember that were good, that might be a really good thing to talk about, but don't bring up old fights, it starts new ones..

Keep doing what your doing, small things that make you both happy everyday!!

Good luck to you both :)

Answer 7

If she is bringing up the past, then she is not over it. Unfortunately bringing it up again is not going to change the outcome of the circumstances that happened over the past 12 years. If you guys are going to move forward, then you have to let the past go and make new memories, and a new past.

And all you have to tell her when she asks you "Why didn't you do this before?" just tell you have learned from your mistakes....and realized what you lost and that changing a few things is a small price to pay to make her happy.

Answer 8

I think that you shouldn't ignore the last 12 years... but i wouldn't dwell on it either. If things are better than ever now.. you should take that and run...but be ready to answer some questions about the past. If she asks why you didn't do.. whatever before...tell her you aren't perfect...people learn by their mistakes and that you are glad that the two of you could learn from these mistakes together which is why you love her more than ever now..
Goodluck!!

Answer 9

I think you should bring up the past 12 years and figure them out. It could happen again, besides if there was any untrusting in the past 12 years, you should start figureing out why. But wait until she brings it up again. congrats on your better relationship. hope things keep going that way

Answer 10

the past is still apart of your lives,, it is what brought you to the point you are at now, talking about the last 12 years will help you figure out where you both went wrong and to make sure it doesn't happen again,,