Going through an ugly divorce & my brother is meeting with my ex behind my back. Should I be angry?

Question

My divorce is in court and there are children involved. My brother says he doesn't want to be involved and wants the conflict to be over and wants to be sure to stay in touch with my ex and my children for his kids sake. But I said until the court case is done things are too ugly and that his kids and my kids should keep visits to my home. He want ahead and made arrangements to visit my ex and without telling me, I heard it from the kids and now I feel angry. Am I justified? Or should I let it go?

Answer 1

yes you should be angry you should kick his ***

Answer 2

yes you have all the reason in the world to be angry. but talk to your brother. explain to him that the situation right now is very difficult. and even though he might think he is helping, the matter of fact is that this is bringing conflict to your relationship as family. if your brother wants to stay in touch your ex, that is his problem. but make it 100000000000% clear that no communication should be involved regarding your well being or the children. my ex tried to pull this with me and my brother too. and unfortunately i ended up not speaking to my brother for over a year, because he just did not get it, how hurtful and what weird situation he placed me with the ex./
let your brother know that if he decided to under mind you, then it leaves you no other choice that not to let him see your kids. sometimes you need to go to extremes for others to really understand what you are going through. the only person who is going to be left out is your brother. one or two things might happen, he release his wrong doing or he does not and takes months or years for it to happen.
good luck either way.

Answer 3

You're justified & even so you'll have to let it go for the sake of the Kids.
Not all uncles are as determined as your brother, he sounds like a cool Uncle.
Be angry but not in front of the kids. Have a lil chat with your Bro about the importance of Family Trust.
How you appreciate that he wants to stay in touch with your Kids & both their parents, but there could have been better ways of doing it than going behind your back"

Answer 4

You have every right to feel angry, your brother is not respecting your wishes during this difficult time. I would approach him again and explain that you don't appreciate him going behind your back and while you understand he's trying to keep in contact with your ex for his kids' sake, it would be best to let the situation cool down first.

Answer 5

No, you're not justified. All of these morons are selfish, just like you. Grow up. Your brother and his children have grown to see your ex as a family member. Just because you don't want this guy around anymore doesn't mean that your family has to listen to your little "rules" about when and where they can see your ex.

Answer 6

well i personally think that he should of did just as you asked...it does not look good at all whether they are doing anything or not... i would feel betrayed myself...i do not know what i would do about the situation except tell him again and that you do not appreciate it.. and truly it does not look good... i know people are going to hae different points of views.. but he is your brother he should stay away from her and leave your business of the divorce for you to deal with..it is hard enough for you right now without your own family going against what you ask of them.....some have the point of view if you let a women go they will break their own neck...but your brother should not even want to be around your ex-wife...i also know though that my son is going through a divorce with his wife and i do not want anything to do with her but i want to see my grandchilren and if her greatgrandma has them she calls me and i take them whenever i can... but this girl is real trouble too.. but i still do not think your brother should of went againt what you asked......

Answer 7

No, you should be angry. This family breakup is NONE of his affair. These are not his children. This is not his marriage.
This is a, not very veiled ploy to move in and take over with your EX and kids. This is the move of a serious SCUMBAG. Your
brother needs to come to this understanding perhaps with the emphasis of a baseball bat.

Answer 8

Yes, you have a right to be angry. Your brother shouldn't be going to your ex's house knowing you disapprove!! Maybe he was interested in her all along himself, and now sees this as an opportunity to make a move, and just using the kids as an excuse to go see and talk to her!!

Answer 9

I think you are right on for being angry. Divorce is ugly and having your family members in the middle and seeing your soon to be x is not right. If he is going to continue then you should think about what you say to your brother, he might be sharing your information with your x.

Answer 10

Until the court case is done and all the legal matters are out of the way, I believe your lawyer should authorize any contact between the litigants. Your brother doesn't understand that he may affect the outcome of your case adversely by communicating with your husband. I would tell him to please respect you and your attorney's need to finalize this legal matter before he resumes socializing with your (soon to be) ex-husband.

Answer 11

Of course you have a right to be angry and you should let him know that. However, brothers are "family" and blood is usually thicker than water. I would express your disapproval with him, but let him do whatever he wants. He may not continue that relationship with your ex anyway. Don't let it ruin your own family relationship - you've already suffered enough.