I have a question - Only answer if you know what I am talking about - please!?

Question

OK- I am happily married ( for 10 years ) and have 3 great kids with my husband. No- I don't want to cheat or leave him or anything like that- Here is my question-
I always dream about one of my ex's.
Let me tell you the story- short version- I met him in Jr. High and we were friends for a long time and he was always in love with me. I finally agreed to date him when I was in 11th grade. We dated for 4 years and were going to get married. After we broke up we still saw each other a lot and he was dating someone else- I found out he still loved me and then he ended up marrying her- she kinda forced the issue- anyway many years later - I am now 33. I dream about him. It took a lot of years to fully get over him because he was my first love and first - you know! But for several years now I have been having dreams and in every dream we are getting back together or are together- Why do you think that is?
In real life I would never leave my husband for him- Anyone have any thoughts?

why can people not just be serious- dumb questions always get answered with serious answers- rEAL QUESTIONS ALWAYS GET DUMB RESPONSES- My question is for-real and I want serious answers- is that too hard for people to do?

Answer 1

If you would never leave your husband for him then let go. It would never be the same as it was when you were younger, I think we all remember our first love, it is just normal and will pass as you get older. You are remembering the way things use to be and dreaming about it. Sounds like you are content in your marraige and that is what is important.

Answer 2

Hello Mom of 3, I have had similar experience here. I had a high school sweetheart and we were going to be married but she wanted to marry right out of high school and I didn't. We broke up and both married other people. I had dreams about her all the time! Then after 9 years of dreaming about her and being unable to tell anyone, we had a chance meeting at a park! She had her Daughter with her and I had my Son. We talked for about 30 minutes and in that time I realized that she had changed completely! She was not the girl that I had been dreaming about all these years. The dreams stopped! I haven't dreamed of her since then! I don't know if you could ever just have a talk with your old ex but if you could, I would bet you would see many changes in him also. I know I changed and so have you too!
Those old flames generally give us good memories and that is great to have. To stop the dreams though, see if you can talk to him for a bit and just catch up on each others lives.
It should help you the way it did for me.
Good luck!

Answer 3

Simmer down sister! We all have to put up with stupid people! Anyway...I know exactly what your talking about. I did the same thing with an ex. He was older, rich, exciting, mysterious and I snagged him. But not for long, he got married to a girl that put the pressure on him as well. I talked with him for years and dreamed in DETAIL about him over and over again. I would even tell him about the dreams and kind of got a kick out of it. Yea I know that's a no no. I am married and I love my husband but 14 years later I still dream detailed exotic, loving, exciting dreams about him. I no longer talk with him on a regular basis because it bothered my husband too much.

I know this sounds so simple but you have got to let it go and if you dream about him look at it like a precious memory of the PAST.

Good luck and don't get too mad at me if I didn't answer it to your liking.

Answer 4

Dreams are something we really have no control over. Alot of them are just our minds filing away that days clutter. However reoccurring dreams of a similar nature, about the same subject, usually are about something nagging at our brains. In this case probably closure. Since he was sort of stolen away from you, you never really ended the relationship. Your mind is probably still wondering what if.

I am still totally, completely and passionately in love with my wife, who has been deceased for 27 years. Yet still there are times when I wonder about what would have happened had I married one of the other women in my life or stayed married to my first wife. I loved them all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, What's happening is not out of the ordinary. And where your relationship was not really ended but stolen, Maybe you just need to find out how his life turned out to know if he's happy. Talk to your husband. do it with him. If you do it behind his back, you are asking for big problems.

Answer 5

Never say never.

If you aren't living your life to make your dreams come true, you aren't living your life.

My current wife and I both had those dreams about each other for 25 years while we were married to other people. We met in High School and went together for 4 years. After separating, we had absolutely no contact for 25 years. Then, suddenly, there we were faced with a choice of making our dreams come true or hanging on to what you call "real life". We chose our dreams and count our blessings that we did.

Answer 6

In your dreams, you often openly explore things in your subconscious that you honestly want, but know you can't have. In other words, deep down, you want to be back with this other guy, but you are doing the respectable thing by not pursuing it and lowering yourself to whoreish levels by cheating on your husband (like most women do). However, you MUST be honest with your heart because the heart NEVER lies. Do you really not want to leave your husband for this guy or are you just saying that because you know that's the respectable thing to do? You may be surprised by what you find if you are honest with yourself. If you are truly 100% in love with your husband, than no former flame should EVER be enough temptation to want to leave the current relationship. I think you just never truly had closure, and you need that. You should talk to him and just play "catch up". Keep it completely innocent, but go for closure. I think once you get that, you will be able to move on all the way. :)

Answer 7

I understand where you are coming from. I have an ex who was also my first love-and u know! He is now married and I will be at the end of this month as well. I still think about him often and wonder what he is doing, where things went wrong etc. I just think we have that "what if" factor that we both need to just let go and get on with the lives we have now. If it is meant to be, it will happen.

Answer 8

You said you are over him. Well, I don't think u r... It's probably because you aren't over him. Think of your husband and your kids. Your kids have a full bright future and I bet you're a great mom. You love your husband, also, so don't break his heart. You chose to marry him and too bad time machine isn't invented yet... If you are thinking about him 24/7, or if you like your ex better than your husband... Well, your pick. But as u know, your ex has a wife too.

Answer 9

I know what you are going thru. I went thru it a number of years ago. It was pure fantasy, in my mind she was still that cute girl that was my everything. It all went away when I ran into her at a reunion. She was not even close to what I remembered, personality-wise. She still looked great, but talking to her made me remember why we broke up.
In truth, I am in a better place now without her. I was only remembering the good things, which we all do. If he's not nearby, try to remember EVERYTHING about him, even the things that drove you crazy.
Besides, a little fantasy never hurt anyone. Just keep it to yourself and enjoy the good memories for a while.

Answer 10

Ok, when you say you would not leave your husband for him..think hard about that. If you are questioning the dreams maybe you should reconcider what you said. Your heart plays with your head alot. Don't ever shrug off your dreams. One day you will see what is needed to be seen, keep him in your thoughts.