We have been married for 8 years together for 10 two children and it is just not there anymore. It has come to the point where i was thinking of leaving him. I don't want that. We have shared alot together but something is not there anymore. any ideas.
2006-06-07 06:45:49 · 27 answers · asked by kimberly_ware10 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk about renewing your vows.
Get a sitter, and go away for a romantic weekend.
2006-06-07 06:48:52 · answer #1 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is typical for people to feel this way at times in a long term relationship like this. Life begins to fall into a set routine and there are so many responsibilities that you just become two people living a similar life instead of lovers. The biggest thing is that over this amount of time you tend to take each other and what you have together for granted. You forget to be thankful for all the little things your partner brings to your daily life that you never even have to think about. The other thing is that you tend to not do the simple things that you did when you first met. You need to get back to holding hands, hugging, kissing, and really sharing your lives. You need to make time for the two of you to just enjoy each other and to enjoy life. Time when talk isn't about what needs to be done, but about sharing your lives and interests. One of the things about a new relationship is that you get to bond over so many new things that you experience together for the first time. You need to figure out what new things you can do to experience that same feeling of adventure together. It could be a trip to some exotic place neither of you has been before, or it could be as simple as a trip to a new mall or restaurant. Any time you experience something or some place new it bonds two people together. Add to that holding hands and being playful with each other you might just find that love is still alive and well and was just sitting on the sidelines waiting to be discovered again.
2006-06-07 13:55:19 · answer #2 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to start Kimberly by talking to each other. If possible, the two of you should go out to dinner. No kids, just the two of you and talk away from the house. Stay positive and tell him that you are going to be honest and open with your feelings and you want him to do the same! Start by talking about the good times and good things the two of you have done together. Talk about the two wonderful children you have.
The two of you need to remember what got you here.
Maybe you have just both fallen into habits and are in a rut!
Stay positive, I can't stress that enough. If the talk goes well, plan a "date night" together! The two of you may just need some more alone time. Remember wha it was like when you first started dating? Maybe you can't get away from the kids so one night after they go to bed, the two of you can share a sinful dessert and just talk, make love, anything that the two of you enjoy doing together!
You still love him and you have a wonderful family, give it every shot and make sure he wants to also.
If you need more ideas, just respond and I will do what I can to offer you help.
Good luck!
2006-06-07 14:42:50 · answer #3 · answered by Ekimo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The surest way to learn to love someone is to serve them. NOT LIKE A SERVANT but by doing nice things for them. Going out of your way for them. Putting them before yourself when possible. Think back when your were dating this is what you did. Look back at other relationships and you will see you did this at the beginning of them also.
If there are issues such as verbal abuse or neglect with each other then also get some marriage counseling to help resolve those issues.
If you are religious then pray together in am and pm and even read your scriptures together.
If you are not religious then make sure you spend sometime together discussing your beliefs.
Date are good also if you can afford them. If not ask a friend to watch the kids and set up a picnic in a park or put lots of candles in the bedroom for a romantic night together.
Good luck and don't give up. My parents have been married for 53 years and my mom says she had more than one point in their life together where she had to reawaken her love for my dad and she says it was more then worth it.
par
2006-06-07 15:25:48 · answer #4 · answered by idaho gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a baby sitter for a weekend and go to a quiet bed and breakfast together - or try recreating your first date.
What are the things that attracted him to you in the first place? Try to spend an evening focusing on the positive, and on him. Maybe you've just become consumed with the kids and work and life that you haven't had time to really focus on each other.
Another option is to seek counseling. What you are feeling is normal and experienced by many couples. A counselor can help you talk to each other and get back in touch with what brought you together in the first place.
In any relationship there are high points and low points. You are just at a low point right now - don't give up. You can work it out.
Certainly, you can talk to your husband. You might not want to tell him exactly what you wrote in the question - but you can ask him if he is feeling if you are in a "rut" and is there anything he'd like to do to "spice things up" (not necessarily sexually. maybe there is a new restaurant he would like to try or a vacation he'd like to plan..)
Follow your heart and trust your instincts. You are going to be okay.
2006-06-07 13:53:15 · answer #5 · answered by Tamborine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage is like so many others -- it becomes more like a child-rearing venture than a love affair. You each need to spend more time focused on each others needs and not on the children. Kids are great, but they will take every minute you give them, and this can harm your marriage. And remember, the kids will not be there forever, and you need to have a base upon which to build the remainder of your time together. The problem with this is: it gives no practical advice on what to do. I'm sorry. You know your marriage better than anyone else. You need to sort it out.
2006-06-07 13:49:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try re bonding with each other this has to be a joint decision betwin the two of you. If only one of you want this it wont work. Find someone who can stay wit the kids. plan an out ting for the two of you.go somewhere anywhere!!put aside all of your and his lil nit picky stuff and focus just on being around each other connect with each other by even suttle lil touches , hand holding , walking together on a quite walk, cooking together, watch a couple of his favorite sports games with him and he should do something with you that you like as well.it wont have instant results but a steady effort on both parts it will shortly be back but as I said it takes the both of you to make it work. If one is unwilling then other choices might be considered.
2006-06-07 14:00:37 · answer #7 · answered by cuteavgwmn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same boat! Married for 15 years and over the last 5 years it has develop into a loveless partnership! I can't leave because she wouldn't be able to make a living for herself. I tried everything , calling her up from work and asking her out on dates(like I did before marriage) , I send her flowers ,I cook and clean , go out where she wants but nothing helps! She is not the same woman I married 15 years ago. My only suggestion to you is to do what you did when dating him. Good luck!
2006-06-07 14:00:22 · answer #8 · answered by Retarded Dave 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get to know him all over again and take the kids to a sitter sometimes and go out on dates with just him... Be romantic and spend alot of alone time togeter. You may also need counseling for this as well. Why have you falled out of love with him? Also spice things up in the bedroom for him and dress sexy for him too! Are you just bored?
2006-06-07 13:49:53 · answer #9 · answered by Fast Steve 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
relationships and marriages go through good periods bad periods and plateaus. on and off. it just happens. its why for better or worse is in the vows. society has become so focused on instant gratification in almost every apsect of life, almost no one is patient enough to stick though the rough times. maybe this is why 50 % of marriages end in divorce and credit card debt is at an all time high. Sometimes the bad patches can last a couple years, out of a lifetime, thats not so bad. I would recomend marriage counsling.
2006-06-08 00:41:10 · answer #10 · answered by **0_o** 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey there! first congrats for trying to make your marriage work rather than giving up, kudos to you!
my wife and i went through a similar situation last year. we started out with one of Dr. Phil's book to try and get some direction and fromn there we started talking again, re-connecting. we make a point now to go on a date at least once a week withoput the kids, a movie and dinner or dinner and drinks. we try and organize a weekend getaway when possible just the two of us. and when it comes to being intimate we kinda put the trying new stuff theory aside and tried just good old foreplay and then making love and it's worked out amazingly well. so my advice, talk talk talk, put work and the kids aside from time to time and concentrate on spending time together, going back to the places you went to when you met and stuff.
Good luck! ;-)
2006-06-07 13:54:11 · answer #11 · answered by measureoflove68 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋