2006-06-07 06:43:05 · 24 answers · asked by Samantha S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
isnt 30 year long enough? if counselling will not help, time to find your own life and happiness
2006-06-07 06:45:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to save the marriage, then get help for yourself. Controlling people don't believe they have a problem, they believe others have problems.
Through some counseling, you will empower yourself. When he begins to see the change, he's going to realize he's losing control. That would be a good time to suggest he seek some counseling if he intends on saving your marriage.
Either way, you will at least regain your self esteem and control of your life. He may stay or he may go, both will potentially work out for the best.
Good luck
2006-06-07 07:11:17 · answer #2 · answered by kathy059 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No easy answers here are there?
30 years? What has suddenly changed? It seems, on the surface, that the problem lies with both yourself and with him.
I strongly suggest that you begin with a good counselor to help you come to grips with why you have put up with this so long.
You can not take responsibility for your husbands attitudes and you, in my best guess, can not make him go to counseling.
Do you have other people in your lives who can be of any help? Does your husband respect anyone or feel close to anyone that might be able to speak truth into his life without immediately building his customary wall?
The most important thing is to get a good understanding of yourself. Before you make ANY major changes come to grips with that!
Jim
2006-06-07 06:56:19 · answer #3 · answered by RunningUte 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to stop being treated like this. There are men out there who will like being around you, who won't feel the need to control you all of the time. You need to think about finally leaving your husband. Take some time for yourself and enjoy being free. Be excited about who you will meet in the future. Don't let the thought of being alone for awhile scare you. Surround yourself with friends and other family members. Be careful when /if you leave him though, if he is controlling, he might hurt you. Make sure you take some precautions in case things become violent.
Life is to short to be controlled and emotionally abused.
2006-06-07 06:50:53 · answer #4 · answered by jack russell girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you've been with him for 30 years but being in a controlling relationship isn't good I've been through the same thing were not together anymore it was the best decision I've made in a long time once they start they don't stop and it only gets worse if you still want to be with him put your foot down let him know your not his pet who he can teach tricks to your his wife and you want the same respect that you give
2006-06-07 06:56:11 · answer #5 · answered by ninadavismillie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had a controlling husband and he made me feel ugly and inadequate...i was with him for 16 years and i am only 32... he was all i knew. we started dating at 15 and 16 and stayed together until last summer when i had enuff...i kissed that life goodbye in my lawyer's office when i signed divorce papers!!!! we have a 3 year old and an 8 year old...now we are really good friends.. he learned to respect me and guess what!! he told me himself that if i would have stood up to him long time ago he would have changed...you gotta stand your ground! good luck
2006-06-07 06:53:38 · answer #6 · answered by shammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you haven't left him in all those years - then try the following:
Stop giving him the power to control you --- You don't have to be a doormat --- you have rights! If he doesn't agree - tell him that is only his opinion! No one else has made such a remark!
If he doesn't like the way something is done --- tell Mr. Professional to do it himself --- then you go about your own business. If he wants to be argumentative leave and go to the store or see a friend.
Stand up for yourself ---
2006-06-07 07:05:48 · answer #7 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it has been this way the entire 30...obvious change nees to take place for your own happiness...if it is something a few years more recent then maybe there is hope.....confront the issue with him and let him know it is not appreciated, you dont feel appreciated, you feel like his servant instead of his equal....let him know a change in the situation has to happen, and if it does not, then you are gonna go out and reclaim your life...live your life for you, not anyone else. i know you may love him but there should be no fear in love. sometimes you gotta know when to let go. and move on...yes even after 30 yrs, maybe you have evolved to a more friends level.....are you in-love or do you just love him......if the latter then you need to address this situation with him now before it gets worse and ends with a lot of resentment
2006-06-07 06:50:59 · answer #8 · answered by camrondew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I'd remind him of his so called "investment into your relationship" and that so called "investment being half yours by law".....then force his butt into counseling and get him some help. Obviously he doesnt see things from your point of view, that can be changed with a simple piece of paper. Believe me, if he has any sense at all he'll come around......but, let me ask you this?..has it taken this long for him to be this way finally or has it taken you this long to notice?......cuz the door swings both ways!
2006-06-07 06:51:01 · answer #9 · answered by theoregonartist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you've been married for 30 years and don't know the answer to this question, you really need to speak with someone. get rid of the loser. NO man that treats you like that is worth keeping.
2006-06-07 06:48:08 · answer #10 · answered by phillymami 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋