I just found out my husband is having an affair with someone he met online. He doesn't know i know .ANY ADVICE

Question

I do have proof that they met in person, when they meet up, they do email each other alot . What gave it away way while i was washing clothes he had perfume on his work clothes.They would meet before he goes to work or after he gets off.So something told me to look in his email, boy if he knew i know how to break in your email address, he don't delete anything.

Answer 1

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!! Before you confront him, before you go to an attorney, before you do anything, you must do your ground work. I'm assuming you want to dump him, considering you'll never be able to trust him again...he'll do it again, etc.

1. Open a private checking account in YOUR NAME ONLY. Start saving as much you can without being questioned.

2. Start gathering evidence. Screen print e-mails, letters, or any correspondence you can find. (This is important for alimony, child support etc.)

3. Start looking for an apartment or another residence for yourself. This way, you can go into the house, take EVERYTHING, you want AND LEAVE. This is perfectly legal, and is done regularly.

4. Retain a Lawyer. Make sure this is all done in absolute privacy. Don't ever give him a clue you're on to him.

After you are completely ready. Hire a service, or recruit several friends. When he's gone to work, (or on a date with his lover) Move everything out, (that you want) and leave. Don't look back. Don't confront him until judgment day. When he asks why? throw him some COPIES of the evidence you collected and leave it at that. Don't listen to his groveling, or his lying excuses.

With his infidelity on you side, you can screw him out of everything. Once he's penniless, his lover will leave him too.

Answer 2

Is it cyber sex or are we talking about a real affair with physical acts? I suppose either way it doesn't matter, if he's broken the trust, it's still broken.

First you have to determine what you want. Is his infidelity something you can forgive? Do you want to salvage your marriage?

If the answer to those two questions is yes, and you have absolute proof of the affair, then you have to confront him with it. Start out with something calm, like "I really love you and want to make this marriage work". That way you haven't started the conversation with a negative (remember this is only if you are trying to stay with this man, if you were angry enough to kill him, he'd be dead by now and you wouldn't be online asking advice, so continue to stay calm). Tell him you know of the affair, ask him why the affair occured (is there something missing at home that he's not getting). If he did it just because he could, then decide how will you deal with that. If he did it because there is a real lacking between you and he, then you have to address that. Perhaps see a marriage counselor. But find out if he's willing to work it out.

If the answer to the questions above is no, then you are headed for divorce court and does it really matter why he cheated? Tell him you know and you're leaving him, period. No argument needed.

Infidelity is not always a relationship breaker, for some women it is, for others it's not. You have to decide if his breaking the trust is something you can forgive AND forget. It won't work if you decide to stay with him but make him relive what he's done over and over again, making him constantly apologize for it. If you are going to stay with him, then you'll have to be willing to trust him again. Only you know if you can do that.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, this happened to us, about 6 years ago.His affair began online and he did meet up with her in person. The "In person" stuff lasted 3 weeks..he confessed to me and ended it with her.

You cannot make any REAL decisions when you are in a crazy state of mond..so TRY to keep calm..It is not necessarily the end of the world..although it sure feels that way for a long time.

My husband was missing nothing in this marriage.What was missing was within himself I take ZERO responsibilty for his having his short stupid affair. Neither should you..He WILL try to blame you..

Counseling..lots of it..Myhusband has become a better father, husband and human being since we worked all this out in therapy. I doubt he will do this again..and if he does, I know what it looks like,now,and will leave him in a heartbeat. To me, everyone gets second chance..but never a third!

I would tell him you know..and don't let him squirm out of it..and make him choose. He MAY choose her..but when it all becomes REAL to him, he WILL seek out what he REALLY wants. If it truly is her, then you should go gracefully..because he did you a favor. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't really want them??

If it is you, then you guys CAN work together to work thru it and figure out WHY he solves problems in this manner. But you BOTH have to WANT to try..it is hard,the hardest thing I have ever done..I have a better man than I did before.

Answer 4

what's of notice right it is that SHE already has have confidence subject concerns otherwise why is she spying on him? i discover spying, even by ability of nicely meaning spouses, to be the main vulgar and degrading habit. a individual is a individual and that they are seen able to their very own strikes and that they do no longer desire somebody shoving a head up their *** to make useful they are shitting properly. i think of that if a individual takes care of their very own thoughts and keeps their very own residence sparkling then they'll experience whether yet somebody else is being sparkling and careful with them or no longer. genuinely in in the present day's international we would desire to be responsive to that our sexual relationships are risk-free if basically for the objective of warding off sexually transmitted ailment. as a effect the ailment is an emotional one and the an infection is already latest. It would not remember what the husband does, has accomplished or will do. the priority right it is the happiness of the female and he or she is not happy. If she isn't happy then she won't be able to seem to somebody else to adapt with the intention to hold that approximately. If that has no longer got here approximately then it has no longer got here approximately and the malaise is a actuality and not a suspicion. She needs to withdraw and heal herself and if she ever feels that she is physically powerful sufficient to have interplay in a dating back then it is going to likely be a organic risk-free organic and organic technique. i do no longer think in marriage. people are a methods too aggressive on their environments and their relationships. the female already has her answer. It comes from her have confidence subject concerns. Why is she spending her existence searching for information of her soreness? while you're hurting then get your foot off of the splinter. end making a drama out of your would desire to be a sufferer.

Answer 5

I would catch him or leave the proof lying around the house one day, pack up your stuff and leave town before he gets home. Either that or get the physical proof, keep pretending you don't know, find a guy for yourself, bring him back to your house when you know your husband is coming home and let him catch you two having great sex. When he begins to even ask you questions or yells, show him your proof and then walk out!!

Answer 6

Approach him about it. But Don't even get mad. Don't sound upset about it. Just sound curious about it. Make him wonder about how you feel. First Ask him is there anything that you should know and make him swear to god about it. And tell him he only has one time to tell you the truth. Don't divorce him at all. That shouldn't even be an question. People makes mistakes. Just cause he cheats doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It just means he's a male species.

Answer 7

My ex did this same thing. I printed out all of the e-mails and gave them to my attorney. I set up a fake e-mail adress and pretended to be some other girl. I knew how to get him interested. He agreed to meet this girl and I had my attorney meet him there and serve him with papers. We are divorced now and life is much better.

Answer 8

Two things,
1-Go about this calmly. Going crazy only helps the situation get worse.
2-You are now in charge. Figure out a plan of how to confront him, etc. This may be the end of your marriage, so be wise about it. Always remember though, he made the mistake, not you. Nothing you did deserves this.

Answer 9

Contact a lawyer and get good advice regarding how to protect yourself and get a divorce. If you can't go the divorce route then get your facts and proof together and then confront your husband and lay down the law.

Answer 10

Catch him red handed and put the proof in his face then you have to decide do you want to stay in an unfaithful relationship or move on with your life.