Ive been dating this girl for about 8 months. Everything was fine and then out of blue she tells me she had been raped by a guy she knew. She said that she was at a party and that guy was there so they talked. The party was over and everyone was crashing in the living room. Long story short, this guy raped her while her best friend slept 3 feet away.
She says she felt it was her fault. So the next weekend the guy calls her up and asks if she wants to go out to another party with him. And she did! And guess what, he got her into a room by herself and raped her again.
Later she finds out shes pregnant and she knows its his. She actually went to him to ask if he would be around for the kid? Of course he says no, so then she decides to get an abortion.
So now, every time we are together all I think about is that guy raping her. She never fought him or told anybody. I feel sorry for her but at the same time I cant help but be disgusted by the whole thing. What should I do?
2006-06-07 06:20:53 · 30 answers · asked by BWLJ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Just to clarify, all this happened before me and her started dating. I knew her, but just as a friend. I also know who the guy is but have never spoken to him.
2006-06-07 06:38:00 · update #1
From personal experience, I can say that I would not have had any contact with the person who raped me! I can understand the first incident in which she was taken advantage of but to have placed herself in the position she did the second time... that's just plainly negligible!
Under normal circumstances, I would hope that you would be an understanding person and be able to look past what happened to her. It's harder than hell to let anyone close after going through that and it's really hard to trust someone enough to tell them what you've experienced. And since you were willingly there with the person in the first place makes it that much harder to tell anyone what happened. In fact, most rapes (date or non) go unreported. There's always a degree of self blame involved not matter how innocent you were to the actual event. However, the fact that she would willing put herself in harms way a second time really concerns me. I have a feeling that's the part that disgusts you as well.
At this point, I would have to advise you to sit down and talk with her about it, no matter how disgusted it makes you. I would ask her exactly why she would put herself in that situation a second time, knowing what he had already done. She should be in more control of herself than that.
Good luck!
2006-06-07 06:36:27 · answer #1 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Are you sure she got raped? Did she actually say no to this guy? I mean why would she go to another party with this guy if she was raped? And why would she have wanted a child with this guy? Either there is something off with this story or this girl hs some serious issue!!!!
If you feel you cannot deal with this information, then you shouldn't be with her but make sure to tell her to speak with someone who can help her deal with this situation (if she was actually raped). If I were her I'd rather have a true friend to help than someone who pretends to care but is actually disgusted by the situation.
2006-06-07 13:27:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a tough situation. Honestly, I can't understand why a woman would go out with someone for a second time if they had been raped. Are you sure she's telling the truth? Not to bash your girlfriend, especially if she's telling the truth, but her story doesn't make sense. Anyhow, if the story is true and you cannot accept her past than you should probably just walk away before your relationship gets anymore serious.
2006-06-07 13:26:01 · answer #3 · answered by ME 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all she is a liar! She was NEVER raped or she would NOT have went to a party with him again after the first rape! I think she has issues, I think she cheated and didn't want you to know so she made up a fake story about being raped to cover her butt. But if she was really raped then it was not her fault and you should stand by her and support her but I would almost guarantee she lied and doesn't want to admit it.
2006-06-07 13:58:26 · answer #4 · answered by flirtygirl25 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow hard ? - I'd say it was definately not her fault but was unwise of her to put herself in that position the second time. It depends on if you think you can deal with all this info in a good way or not. I mean if it makes you feel differently about her it doesn't make you a bad person just someone who is being true to his fellings. I'd definatley talk to her about it and see if maybe she can clarify things a little beter which may make you feel a little better about oll this info. Good luck!!
2006-06-07 13:25:29 · answer #5 · answered by prettyfroggy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I am not sure of what you should do but if I were you I would leave her because even though the guy raped her, she still went with him to the other party.
And how do you know he raped her? did she tell you that? what if he didn´t rape her and instead she did it in her own will!! I mean she still went to ask himif it was ok to be with a kid!!
2006-06-07 13:28:11 · answer #6 · answered by Jaima 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She seems pretty weird, I've never known anyone to want to go out a second time with someone who raped them, unless they enjoyed it. She seems like she has some deep issues, if your'e gonna continue to talk to her try to figure her out and find out as much as possible about her...Because something is strange w/the whole rape situation if she never told anyone and then went out with him again..Maybe she wanted to be loved and he showed her he didn't love her when he said he wouldn't be there for the child...
2006-06-07 13:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by Why 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, if I was you, I would break up with her. Just make sure its not at an obvious time where she would know that it was because she was date raped. Just make it seem like you've been thinking about it for a while.
If I was a guy, and a girl told me this, I would be disgusted too.
It's not your fault, it's hers.
2006-06-07 13:23:20 · answer #8 · answered by wakeflawchic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to talk to an authority that she trusts in. If somebody raped her, he shouldn't be allowed to just get away with it, what if he does the same to another innocent bystander?
You should talk to her about it.
If she still takes the stand that he was nice and it was her fault, then she can't be helped. If you really love her, then work it out, and talk it out.
If not, then move on. And let her know she needs help.
No one should allow themselves to get raped, and let the man get away with it.
2006-06-07 13:26:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she ain't right in the head anyways. Who would hang out with someone if they were raped by that person...Can't rape the willing. It seems like she is just trying to not accept responsibility. She can't admit she liked having sex and she can't accept raising a kid(abortion)
Leave her... run away...she will be a nightmare if you don't.
2006-06-07 13:26:03 · answer #10 · answered by missy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋