About 5 years ago I found out my wife was having an affair. I discovered tons of proof but everytime I confronted her about the evidence, she always had an excuse. And I always believed her. 9 months worth of excuses took there toll on our marraige and we separated. After 4 1/2 years of separation we decided to try and get back together. It's been 9 months since I moved back in and feel more alone now than when I was living by myself. We seem to have lost our connection and I don't know how to trust her again. She and my son were my world until she destroyed it. I thought (as I'm sure most guys think) everything was right in our world together then had it all come crashing down. The only thing she could say was " Well I left you hints that I wasn't happy". Yeah ok I'm a guy, we don't get hints that well. Can I trust again?
2006-06-07 05:51:33 · 24 answers · asked by MikeRC36 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
never ,,,it will always be in the back of you're mind what she did
2006-06-07 05:53:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You separated 5 years ago because she had an affair. Now, you are trying to get back together, but feel more alone than when you were living along. If you really want this to work, talk to her and do not give hints as she says she did a long time ago. If you can, trusting her again will take time. It is not an overnight thing. Good Luck!
2006-06-07 06:00:06 · answer #2 · answered by icemountian8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should be so lucky. You deserve better than this. Obviously what you guys had is long gone and can never be rekindled. She did not care for you the way she should have or she never would have cheated. Trust me i know cause I had an affair on my first husband. I have remarried and my new husband trusts me with all of his heart and knows that i would never hurt him. I had a horrible relationship with my first husband and i made a very bad choice and learned from my mistake. You can trust again but I think you are putting trust into the wrong woman... If all she can say is Yeah...bla bla then that should show you that she has no remorse or regret. She should be kissing your feet and catering to you...sounds like you need to move on and find the right woman.
2006-06-07 06:05:18 · answer #3 · answered by shammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is NO, you will never trust her again, and left hints, what kind of BS is that? if she wasn't happy it wasn't your place to make her happy, she has already saddled you with being the reason she phucked some other guy.that is such a phucking lame excuse that I don't know how you bought it. that is so wrong to say something like that, it should tell you where her head is at. people are responsible for their own happiness. did her phucking some other dude make her happy? no she is right back where she started, and believe me dude , next time she isn't happy it will be much easier for her to cheat. she has already got the fear out of her system. your flower has wilted and you are left with a shell of a woman. after the guilt sets in, she will really be unhappy, what ya gonna do then? she got away with lying because you wanted to believe she was virtuous. now for those 4.5 years, she was phucking the guy she was cheating with until he was done with her and tossed her aside like a spent condom. her esteem so low all she could do is come back to old faithful. the stupid a'ss that would take her back. you want to believe , I feel ya dog, but you are wasting an important part of your life that will lead to no where. run forest run.....
2006-06-07 06:03:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you can. Women cheat because they aren't getting the emotional stuff they need from their men. And in your case I must be right because she told you the same thing. You have to find out what it is she was unhappy about and fix it. The problem is that now you dont trust her and that its probably stopping you from being the best that you can be. If you want to stay with her you need to address the issues that caused the cheating in the first place and put the actual cheating on the back burner for a little while. I'm sure if you make her happy then you will be able to see that you can move forward from this.
2006-06-07 06:00:08 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know your pain... first hand.
If she's 10 minutes late from getting her hair done, you'll wonder. When the phone rings - you answer and they hang up - you'll wonder. If she runs out of gas and comes home 2 minutes late - you'll wonder.
You were in it for the rest of your life. You had a perfect marriage - or at least thought so, and she decided to rip your heart out of your chest and place it on the table in front of you. She tore it into little pieces and thinks that it can be superglued back together undisturbed... buzzzzzt... wrong answer!
You'll never be able to fully get over what she did to you. Even when - not if - WHEN - you find someone else, it will still bother you that she did what she did. Yours is a hurt that won't ever fully go away.... no matter how little feelings you have for her, you will always resent what she did - the lives - not just hers - not just yours - your childs - your friends - mutual and otherwise - dozens of people that were wrongly hurt by her indiscression.
Had we had children and my (now very ex-)wife would have done that - I would have gone to any limits to fight for custody of our child and have her kiss my butt - right in the middle.
Her actions are inexcuseable - selfish - heartless - need I go on?
You don't need such a negitive person in your life.
Tell the idiot hosta-la-vista.... and you WON'T be back!
(using Arnold S's accent from 'The Terminator')
2006-06-07 06:30:31 · answer #6 · answered by parrothead_30188 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to lie no probably not.Because you'll because you'll be lieng to your self saying forget about what she did that wont happen again when you know it very well could.The last thing on your mind should be should be trusting her again. You shouldn't have let your guard down again she ruined your life not to mention probably your sons relation ship with either of you.By letting your guard down again(trying to make it work again) your just allowing you self to get hurt again.She very well could changed but what if she didn't?If you catch her cheating again your going to be really pissed off aren't you? So why are you letting her take advantage of you?The only reason i can think to trust again would be for your son's sake when you get married your supposed to know what your getting into apparently she didn't if she still wanted to run off and sleep with other guys behind your back(in other words she wanted to be free)you wont be able to trust again eventually the thought in the thought in the back of your mind saying"is this woman cheating on me like she did"is going to cause you to question this new woman then when she says no like every person would regardless of wheather they are cheating on you or not this will then cause you to spy on her breaking the trust she had of you will cause all of your new relationships to crash and burn because of what she did!
2006-06-07 06:24:51 · answer #7 · answered by Jenna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, JustMe is crazy for saying some stupid stuff like that. If she was getting what she needed she could of separated first or divorced you or something. Leave, leave, leave and don't look back. here are way too many other women out there that will do the right thing. Hey find youself from another country, they seem to have more values than these westernized women we have here.
2006-06-07 06:14:38 · answer #8 · answered by cabryan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no justification for cheating. she doesnt seem to care about ur feelings at all or she wouldnt try to make it seem like its ur fault she cheated. i think the fact that u are even asking this question measn that u are having trouble trusting her again. i think that u shoud move back out and get a divorce. u have to be a littl selfish sometimes and think about whats gonna make u happy. and if being with someone that u cant trust isnt it, then move on. i know its hard, but u have to think about urself too . thats what i think anyway. good luck hun :)
2006-06-07 06:17:08 · answer #9 · answered by foreverb18 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you can because she decieved you and if there is no trust in a relationship then you can not possibly have one. Just be there for your son and that is it. Even though she left you "hints" that she was unhappy, that does not give her the right to go out and cheat on you. Find somebody who will treat you right and be a women with morals. Leave the hoe's in the street. I do not mean to sound like a ***** but if a woman or a man cheat on their siginficent others, they are hoe's to me.
2006-06-07 05:57:19 · answer #10 · answered by lady aquarius 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this has happened to a friend of mind (who i am in love with right now but he doesn't know) his wife cheated while he's back home in our country taking care of the child that is not even his own (his wife's child from her ex). i say... there are women out there who are probably more deserving of your love than she does. women who can/will take care of you, women who will respect you. why don't you give them a chance? get out of a bad marriage, and move on. it's not worthy staying in a marriage with trust problems. i wish the guy i like right now will realize that. but as of now, the doors are closed because he thinks he can still fix a marriage where the other party is uncooperative. and also... i believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" -- his wife cheated, she cried to him wanting him back... so he forgave her. but now she's flirting with my friend's ex-boyfriend. how's that for "learning her lesson?"
2006-06-07 06:40:47 · answer #11 · answered by PC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋