How do you respond to your husband masturbating with porn?

Question

One fine afternoon I had to run some errands and pick up my father from a doctor's appt. My husband ask if we could have sex, My response was not right now. I proceed to leave and when I return I come home to something amiss. I see that the bedroom doors are shut. I proceed to yell out for my husband and to my suprise I open our bedroom door to find him masturbating to a porn video. I was totally and utterlly mortified. I was embarrassed and so was he. His response was " oh you caught me" I asked him to finish himself. He wanted to have sex and finish with me. So I went to the room and watched the movie and we had sex. I regret every moment of this.. I felt like I was his second choice since showing up to soon. I still am having a realy hard time emotionally . I just recently had a baby 2 !/2 months ago and I am feeling really insecure.I have since thrown out every porn video we ever watched. I asked him to masturbate with me only. I feel cheated on & heartbroken.how do I recover?

I feel like if I say no then off he goes with the lube and porn. There isn't anything I don't do in the bedroom. During my pregnancy I was very hot and bothered i had to have it at least 3x's a day.Back door action too. I find myself crying over this this alot and I feel so betrayed. How many other times has he done this and will he ever admit to it?

Answer 1

Get over it. You were not available at the time. So, he took care of himself.
He could have been in the house with another woman. It means nothing against you. My husband masterbates all the time. I don't let it bother me. It's nothing against you. It's just the way men are.
Are you telling us that you have never masterbated when your husband wasn't there. If you say, "No", I think you are not telling the truth.
Don't let it bother you. You would have been his first choice if you had the time, at the time. You came home, and had sex with your husband. It's no big deal.
It sounds like you used to enjoy watching porn with him. Sometimes having a baby changes how you feel about things like that, and that is OK too. Just make sure to talk to your husband about things. The worst thing you can do is to let it bother you and not talk about it with him.
He loves you, and should understand.
Good Luck!

Note:
Are you sure you are not experiencing a little post partum depression? You may want to talk to your doctor about it. If you are feeling over sensitive to things that didn't bother you to begin with, it may be a symptom.

He didn't cheat on you. It was light on a screen, not a real woman. I think you may need to talk to someone about your feelings. Maybe a councilor.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

are you kidding? you were his first choice and you left- he wanted some action so he turned to the next best thing. If he did it all the time then I would be concerned, but - I will admit, I have done that when my husband was not home and I am sure he has too. Yes it is better to do it together but sometimes you take what you can get. It is different if it is an all the time thing, but come on- who doesn't masturbate without their spouse at some point! How can you say he cheated- if he cheated or wanted to cheat he would of had some real sex, not sex in his hand. Come on! If you want to feel cheated on- tell him to go have sex with some body for real and then you will see this is nothing compared to that. Get over it and grow up.

Answer 4

So okay, If you recall you were his first choice. The option
to take matters into his own hands was his second choice.
Be very very glad that he chose to deal with it this way instead of
going outside of the house for his relief. From my perspective he's a guy who due to the pregnancy and birth was not getting
release with anywhere near the frequency he would like. I understand you probably helped the best you could but its just not the same. Do you suppose he abstained in the weeks following the birth? You should temper your feelings of disappointment with the thought that he was an honorable guy who did not cheat on you with another woman or go solo first having never asked you. The fact that he did that should make you more secure not less.

Answer 5

Masterbating is healthy, but not if it is out of control. I know of a couple that split because the husband was masterbating unconttrolably and was more interested in porn. Come to find it was an addiction. If it becomes more and more noticable, talk to him or maybe suggest a marriage counselor. Sometimes watching porn with your lover is exciting too. There are many different possibilities in this situation. Keep a close eye on it. But sometimes guys and girls gotta let lose, but don't make it some disgusting habit.

Answer 6

1) You were his first choice but you were busy. (You never specified about sex after taking care of your father! Your husband assumed that you'll be too tired and won't be in the mood.)
2) What's your choice??? Your man jacking to porno?? or Humping another woman???
3) Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!
4)You have pornos in your house before and put up with it. Why change?
5) You had sex with him 3x a day before you gave birth. (The sex was most likely wild and crazy. But you expect him to kill his sex drive on a dime??? Men and Women have a need for sexual releases!
6) If you are so worried ,seek marriage counseling.
7) Now since you made your husband feel weird sexually, your sex life might be in trouble.
8) BTW 90% of people masturbates!! The rest lies!! So get over it!!

Answer 7

It's possible that you are experiencing his lack of having a satisfying sexual encounter with him. Perhaps an honest ,calm discussion on the subject with each other would help. It may take some time and many discussions but it is bound to help you both understand the others needs and desires. You will probably discover nice things about each other that you never thought of before.Occasional masturbation is a normal thing with both male and female partners as long as it's not the exclusive remedy Hang in there. It's definitly worth it...

Answer 8

to some people, masturbating to porn videos is not a big deal. it is man's nature to be doing so or in any case, a woman's too. but since i am a very unstable person: paranoid, insecure and very emotional, i'd hate it if i caught my partner masturbating to porn too. in fact, i even don't like my partner watching porn. it would make me feel less appealing and desirable to him. and i wouldn't want to have sex with him ever again. but i wouldn't exactly feel cheated, more of jealous but not cheated. and at the end of the day, if he feels like having sex and i'm in the mood, we still have sex. you just have to learn to get over it because that's a fact you cannot take away, men or women do that.

Answer 9

First off, I'm sorry this happened to you. Second, it most likely won't be the last time it happens. If your husband is like most men who own videos, he's hooked. His recovery process, if he chooses to reject porn, will be long and difficult. Your ability to love him through it will be just as, if not more, difficult.

Here's a couple sites that might offer you some insight, help, and understanding. My prayers are with you.

www.3xchurch.com

www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/

www.lustfreeliving.org/index.php - be sure to share the "Good Christian Boys" video with your husband - too many of us can relate...

To the person below me, you obviously don't know the pain this can cause a wife. I do.

Answer 10

He ask you first!!!! You said no!!!! Now if he didn't ask you first than it would have been wrong. But he did so it should be ok. 2-1/2 months after birth is more than enough time. You need to get your sex life back on track before it's too late. If your dealing with post partum than do what you need to do but get it back on track or he will start looking elsewhere. It will start with himself watching porn then going to the clubs then cheating. If you love him you shouldn't feel guilty for having sex with your husband. Get over it!!!