have i done something or am i not attractive anymore. he doesnt even make out with me like we used to . what is the deal is this the way married life is cause if it is i dont want it.
2006-06-07 05:21:37 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well having a new marriage and a new baby is very stressful on a lot of people. You where pregnant when you got married, (9 mo preg + 4 mo baby = 13 mo Vs. married 1 yr = 12 mo) Did he marry you because you where pregnant? Did you trap him with a baby? How long did you date before you got knocked up? Did you sit down and make a conscious decision to become pregnant before you got married? Sounds to me like he wasn't sure about marrying you to begin with, but only did so out of pressure from family (& you) to do the "right" thing.
Hopefully with your next relationship, you'll use birth control before you're married.
2006-06-07 05:39:32 · answer #1 · answered by mslorikoch 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure you are going to hear it all .. he's having an affair, it's his problem, it's not you, blah blah blah. Allow me to clear a few things up here - #1, he isn't having an affair, contrary to popular beliefs most men don't go and have affairs when their wives have a child. The reality is, you just had a child, your life, and his life, have DRAMATICALLY changed. It isn't your fault, and it isn't his, it's both of yours. Marriage and parenting are a joint venture - and you both need to work hard to keep them both going. You'll probably also hear "have you gained weight, or do you look different?" Well, again, duh? you just had a kid, you are gonna gain a little, and lose a little, it's the natural order of things. Your husband didn't marry you cause you were a good lay - men don't get married to keep good sex. Men get married because we love our wives. (or they have lots and lots of money .. haha) I'm sure your husband married you because you are the love of his life, regardless of how much you gain or lose from pregnancy.
However, There may be a few factors that are influencing this ..
I doubt seriously that it has anything to do with your actual looks. You gotta remember, Men use their imaginations for sex way more than women give us credit for. For example, if we didn't use our imaginations, why all the cute undies and why are stores like "lover's lane" so darn popular? Cause we like it when our spouses spice things up a bit and get our imaginations churning. The problem with child birth and having the husbands in the room, is sometimes it leaves very little to the imagination afterwards, which, will take some time until he might be able to start using it again. You can help this along though by initiating contact, dressing "sexy", giving a strip tease - hopping in with him in the shower ... we both know it doesn't take a woman very much effort to get us men aroused.
How do you think you look? A little tired maybe from late nights with the baby ... not a whole lot of energy? Spouses usually pick up on how each other are feeling or doing, and tend to resemble the same traits - it happens naturally. If your primary focus is on your child (which it should be) he may be feeling a little left out, and knowing how important what you are doing is, won't say anything. It's funny how communication tends to break down after the first child is born .....
Their is no "supposed to be" for married life. Married life is what you make of it together.
How to help things - 1. Try to initiate a conversation. The more you two talk about things (doesn't have to be important, something dumb like each others days, what groceries you need to get ... anything to get talking) the more you will start talking about things that matter.
You wanna get some? Everyone does right? How about calling your mom/dad or his mom/dad and asking them to take your child for the night. Plan out an incredible evening out - maybe even a hotel (you're husbands fantasies should help you decide what to do) Maybe call his work and let his boss know that you are planning something special for him, and to see if he can get out of work on time that day (careful when using this one, although it can make for some great humor at work - at your husband's expense) Go to the spa that day - get all dolled up and when he gets home, get him changed and out the door - don't let him disagree. I guarantee two satisfied people that night. And once you get the ball rolling, there's a good chance he'll keep it moving and the two of you can work together on keeping things spiced up in the bedroom.
Hope that helped.
2006-06-07 05:37:24 · answer #2 · answered by Blazefighter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men feels that they have been replaced by a baby and they want all their attention back they had. I am sure it is not anybody else in the picture except you,hubby, and a new baby in here.Hon,sit down and talk to him and let him know it bothers you that he does not have sex with you anymore and that you are the same person that you were before except you are a mother now. And take time out for you and him to go out and spend quality time together. If he does not want to listen then asked him What or Where is he getting it from? But, hopefully that is not it. I wish you the best of luck..No that is not how marriage life is suppose to be. Trust me I have four of my own and been married for 13 years and the flames are still burning..and they will continue for another 13 years.LOL GOOD LUCK
2006-06-07 05:37:31 · answer #3 · answered by tshee70 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, i'm sure you have heard this before. everything is fine until you get married. Well its true. marriage changes a lot of people.
He could be having an affair, or maybe he is frustrated about something. and taking it out on you.
maybe he isn't attracted to you anymore, but you will never know unless you sit down and talk to him, communication is the big thing in a marriage... and you have only been married for 1 yr. so start now. then in the future ya'll won't have a problem talking to each other. see what is going on with him...
Ask him just to be straight with you, and you won't get mad about it, because you asked him to be real. what ever he says may hurt you inside. but truth hurts baby girl so you will have to deal with it... take it in... and try to fix the problem, if there is one.. you feel me... take care and good luck.
2006-06-07 05:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by TeTe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well with a new kid and a job staying up late to have sex can be a strain on worklife and with out a job there is no warm cozy house so maybe you can try getting up earlier and making advances. are you making advances or does the resposibility of initiating sex fall on your husbands shoulders? that could also be a problem as you may seem very busy with the new child he doesnt feel that any advanse will be met with happiness.
2006-06-07 05:26:16 · answer #5 · answered by gsschulte 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, men get like that after their wives have a baby. Something about being a mother that is turning him off...maybe it causes him to think of his mom. Either case try talking to him and assure him you still love him even though it seems as if the baby takes a lot of your time. Plan to spend some time alone. Good luck!
2006-06-07 05:26:32 · answer #6 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a new baby takes a toll on young couples. Be patient. I am sure hubby is still attracted to you. Get a babysitter and do things together outside the home to bring back the romance. Good luck
2006-06-07 05:30:14 · answer #7 · answered by Tweet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I heard you screaming way over here, lol. I have been there and done that!! He might possibly be getting sex somewhere else, a possibility, but maybe not. There is NOTHING wrong with you, and you are not unattractive, ok? It's him, and his problem. The fact that you are still horny is an indicator of that. I was in your shoes years ago, and could have screamed(and did) oftentimes, but to no avail. She left with another man, which explained why she didn't want me. Don't blame yourself. It's NOT YOU!!
2006-06-07 05:29:03 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has it been this way since you had the baby? And is this your first child? Some men have a hard time looking at the mother of their children and thinking about having sex with her. It can be a hard transition for some men to make.
2006-06-07 05:25:10 · answer #9 · answered by SweetPea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing first have you, shone him you want him, how did he respond, what did his eyes say did he look away. if so something is bothering him, Your new motherhood, stress, affair? any are possible. talk to him ask him whats wrong.
doubt it anything with you about you. He is either confused or not getting the message. Timing is a lot are you tired at night, worried you need your sleep. sometimes having the baby out of the house with grandparents helps just to remind him your his wife. remember marriage is a full-time job it always need work.
2006-06-07 05:54:08 · answer #10 · answered by bigmihoe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋