No time for nooky...?

Question

I have been married for about 2 years and have a 15 month old daughter. It seems like having sex is more of a chore than a pleasure. By the time I get off of work and he gets off of work and I try to squeeze quality time in with my daughter I am too exhausted. Is this normal. What can I do to bring the spark back. I am only 26 and hubby is 28 that is too young to have this problem!!! Constant fighting about his family also kills the mood. IS my marriage doomed! Any advice would help. What is the number of times per week that most people our age have sex???

Answer 1

it's very normal.

what we did was to hire a sitter to watch our daughter at their house and then we had a few hours alone on a weekend midday to have some fun.

good luck.

Answer 2

Having a child is work.So you actually have 2 jobs.That takes alot out of a person.By getting a sitter one full day every weekend would give you a rest and quality time with your hubby.Make your time together special and romantic,with NO mention of the baby,friends or family....Make it about YOU and HIM!
And as for fighting about family,I don't know exactally what your fighting about,but in my oppinion you need to sit down and voice your likes and dislikes about the subject and get it done and over with.Stop going on about the same things it's not good for your marriage.Disagreements are normal,but I think what's most important is that you keep mention of family out of your home life if it causes fighting.
If you stick to all that No your marrage is NOT doomed.
On average a married couple at your ages with a small child have sex once or twice a week.When I was your age I had 3 children age 8,6 and 5 yrs old and I had sex about 3 times a week mostly on the weekends though.We would go out to the movies,dinner and if the sitter was at our home we'd rent a hotel room or if they were at the sitters home we'd go back home take a bubble bath together and then do whatever comes natural(wink wink)!
As your child gets older you won't have it so hard at home and you'll be more energized at night.
Good luck!
I hope some of these ideas will help.

Answer 3

Yes, it's normal -- but it's also not good for your relationship.
After 14 years of marriage, I can tell you that you really need to MAKE time for the two of you for the relationship to remain healthy.
Get yourself a babysitter, and PLAN a night out with your husband. Make it on a day when you'll have the time to relax and enjoy it. If you make reservations at a hotel as well, even if you don't spend the whole night, that will give you a place to have privacy without worrying about the child waking up. Relax, have a nice dinner, go to the hotel and have a bath together -- bring candles, bubble bath, etc. Ask your hubby to give you a massage, and do some relaxing things for him as well. If either of you brings up family fights, banish the subject immediately with a simple, "let's not worry about those things tonight." I promise you that if you make the effort to set aside some time like this, your husband will appreciate it. You'll both feel better about being together, and you'll bring back some of the passion you felt when you were first together.
My wife and I take turns planning a night out once a month. It doesn't always involve a hotel and sex, but sometimes it does. We've found setting aside a particular day and planning for it makes it easier for it to become a habit. The point is to get some quiet time alone and spend it together -- your marriage isn't just about children or mortgages, it's about the two of you and you need to feed that relationship to keep it healthy. Good luck.

Answer 4

Been there and done that. I too was in the similar situation only I was the husband. After 12 years we have recently connected again. Don't let it go that long. My wife was all ways too tired for sex and we drifted far apart over the years. You have to make time, let him take some responsibilities around the house to lessen your work load. Let him know how you feel, he probably thinks you don't want to be with him or have sex with him, that's what I thought and it killed me to think that way. If you think sex is a chore for you tell him, he may be able to help. Sex for us married guys is not just to get off, but it is a way we show our love and a way to connect with the woman we love. Honestly we need that. It's what keeps us in touch with the relationship. Your marriage is not doomed unless you make the change. I was obsessed about not having enough sex, now I love the hugs, kisses, holding hands at night when we go to bed, all that stuff, sure, some times I get horny and she turns me down but all the little stuff really helps. It's just another way to connect. I wish you all the best. Just try to make time and let him know what turns you on. As far as the number of times a week other people have sex? That used to be a concern of mine but really who cares? It's you and your husband that count, not anyone else and please remember that.

Answer 5

This is normal but you have to take the time to be intimate... Set up a sex date each week or ever other week... Take your daughter to a sitter for a while and spice it up in the beedroom... Try new ideas and posistions and maybe even bring in a sex board game and have great foreplay buy lots of flavor too. Also you may want to try a couples sex toy. Your marriage is not doomed in any way you just need to spice it up a little bit and respark it!

Answer 6

Have you thought about quiting your job and being a stay at home mom? Not that it is easier but you would have your day with your daughter then be able to spend time with your husband in the evenings. I don't know what the issues are with his family but you need to come to some conclusion and be done with it. Fighting over the same things over and over are not good for a relationship. Don't look at sex as a job look at it as a special gift that only you two give to each other.

Answer 7

I have very similar problems with my hubby and his family & nooky. And we are about the same age. Its time to re-focus your lives and re-evaluate your relationship. He chose YOU to spend the rest of his life with. You and your daughter should be No. 1 in his life with no exceptions. Stop focusing so much on fighting about his family and you will find time for some action. This is where choosing your battles comes in handy. I know for me I can never back down from an argument...its in my nature, but I know its affecting my marriage and I've been with my husband for 7 years. Sometimes, you gotta just back down from things that just aren't worth fighting for. You can't change his family and what they do, and you can't change his attitude towards them. You just can't. He will change when he wants/ When that happens, you guys will be more in the mood and willing to give in to each other. Try it for a week, and see how things change...

Answer 8

You both need to budget time for each other. Get a babysitter for the weekend and get some personal time with each other. It's hard during the work week. Get your parents to watch your daughter for a weekend. So you can have some quality time with each other. If you don't then yes your marriage is doomed.

Answer 9

sweetheart do something now.you can make time even it you don't think you have it.you are much young. We have been married almost 49 years,both in our 60s. sex is still a very important part of our marriage.I hope you make it an important part of yours to Try talking it over with your husband and make dates to go out with sex after don't plan sex just let it happen Good luck to you both.At your age no less than 3 times a week.

Answer 10

you are suffering from the typical marriage with a young child problem. sit down with your husband and set up ground rules about how to make it better.
any negative things only are allowed at certain times otherwise they are put off. try to find time to get a little rest before bed time if possible. go to bed earlier. see if he will help a little too to allow for more quality time. it isnt doomed unless you shut down communications with each other.