when death comes to those you know how do you deal with the inescapable feeling of sadness?

Question

My faith isn't helping my sadness, my family, people. I just feel lost and broken without them. (my 3 best friends died in a car crash last weekend) I hate this.

Answer 1

I am 58, and in those years I have lost friends and loved one including both parents. My only suggestion to you is to do what you need to for yourself. In my opinion this is by far the most important thing a survivor can do. When my Dad died, I did a number of things. I was always with the him if he wasn't locked away somewhere safe. I had my Boy Scout pin buried with him, my Mother gave me his pin. Scouting was important to both of us. I flew with him to his final resting place. I put the first shovel full of dirt in the grave. At one point my Mother became worried about me, my Brother understood. He told Mother I was on a mission and would be back as soon as the mission was complete. You see I am retired from the military and we do things a bit different. So do what you need to do for yourself, you never want to look back and say "I wish I had done thus and such".

The important thing to remember is that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. There are stages of grief as follows:

DENIAL --- The just can't be dead.
ANGER --- Why did they have to die?
BARGAINING --- God help me get through this.
DEPRESSION --- Oh God, what am I going to do.
ACCEPTANCE --- OK, they are dead and I am powerless to do anything about it. I must live on...

One more story. When my Dad died I decided to cut his lawn the following day. When I tried to start the mower, it was out of gas. At that moment I was absolutely dumb struck. I didn't know what to do. I didn't think to look for a gas can, it never occurred to me that I could buy some, and so on. If it hadn't been for a neighbor, I would still be setting on that empty lawn mower in the middle of the garage with absolutely no clue as to what to do next.

I hope this helps some. I understand how much you are hurting and I am terribly sorry for your loss. It will take some time, but rest assured, you will get through this.

Contact information is available on my profile.

Answer 2

First, I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I had a death and resurrection class in college a couple years ago and it helped me put death in a different perspective.

What I would suggest to you is to look at death as man's ultimate realization of himself. Follow me. The living man is not really complete. He has only truly maximized his potential in death, as death is the nothingness of everthing, bringing us back to our original existence, or nonexistence, if you will.

Do not be sad for your friends. They are flowing among the energy of the cosmos. Energy is never destroyed. Remember that. Although your friends are not present in their bodies, their energy is still around you, just melded within universe.

What you can feel sad for is the fact that you won't be able to talk to them, or hang out and do all the things you used to do. But that's your own inner selfishness (not being mean). Once you get over that point, you will come to accept their passing as a necessary calamity that we all must face one day. They are not alone. We are right behind them.

Live your life as if it was your last. This is what you can take from their death.

I wish you the best.

Answer 3

Speaking from experience, it isn't or won't be easy. I am still struggling with my faith after a traumatic event. The hole in your heart will always be there. With each year, the hole will get smaller. But you'll always be sad when thinking of them. I suggest you pray alot. Talk to your minister/preacher, whatever.

Also, it may be useful to see a licensed counselor. They can help through the pain. Make sure you don't stay in the "bitter" phase too long. That is extremely dangerous. Good Luck and I am truly sorry for your loss.

Answer 4

My father passed away on May 22 of this year. I find myself going through so many different emotions. My logical mind tries to accept it as part of life. My spiritual part wants to remind me that nothing ever really dies and I will see the soul that played the role of my father again. My emotional self is screaming and crying about all the missed opportunities and words that weren't said. My physical body is experience headaches and my throat closes up as if I will never be able to speak again. I am still riding the wave of all these different experiences. I am not sure when it will stop but I know it will. Everything happens as it is meant to and I know that I have something to learn from the way that I am experiencing the situation. I will be thinking of you and focusing on sending you light and love at this time.
Love & Light
Sharon

Answer 5

Hey, It's definitely hard no doubt! But what you need to know is, they will always be with you as long as you keep them in your heart. A spirit is free crying by a grave will never comfort you. Think of how good of friends you were and how much fun you had. Savor memories that you shared. It's better to laugh and cry from remembrance rather than grief. They are in a better place than this corupt world. It's ok to be sad but, remember the fun times and you should perk up. The same happend to my buddy but it was his two best budds.

Answer 6

You just have to work through it. It will get better with time, but it will never go completely away. It's difficult, and as you now know, there's really no way to describe it to anyone who hasn't suffered a loss.

One thing that usually helps is to get together with other friends and talk about the missing people, remember and go over the good times, and cry together. It sounds corney, but it's really true that grief divided is easier to deal with.

Answer 7

Sadness, anger, bargaining and so much more is a natural part of the grieving process. And it is a process. Time heals all wounds.

Having said that, it is important to centre and protect yourself in spirit so that as pain comes, it can also wash away in the flow of spirit. Use the tools of your own consciousness (visualization, meditation, affirmation) to bring some calm and peace to your life in this trying time.

Begin each day with a simple affirmation (God is in His heaven and all is right with my world is peace...one of your own choosing could work as well...keep it simple and positive) repeat during the stresses of your day and make it your last thought before sleep at night. In this way, you will be leaving all your dramas, traumas, and stresses in God's hands for solutions to appear.

Nothing eases the pain of loss except time. Pain is given to us to identify that something needs to be done about our body, mind, or spirit. Use the message and make some changes in your own consciousness.

God bless, J

Answer 8

Prayer and time.

Loosing those that are close to us is NEVER easy.
You say that your religion isn't helping?

Do you know where they went after death?
Do you know where you are going after death?

If you are all going to the same place then you don't have to worry about loosing them. You only are missing them until you see them again.

Living & focusing on the past puts you in denial.
Living & focusing on only today makes you depressed and sad.
Living & focusing for the future gives you hope and strength.

Learn from Yesterday, Hope for the future and live for today.

Answer 9

you have my condolences but you have to ealize that with life comes death and we all will have our turn the best thing that you can do is to remember and cherish the good times and try to learn from the bad times so that your new and existing relationships will be more enriched and even more meaningful--if your friends were here they would want you to go on with your life and to be happy (and you know it) take your time and mourn but do not let it stifle your life for too long dont be sad for the times that you can no longer have instead be thankful for every day that you have and for the memories and times that you shared with your friends--write a poem

Answer 10

I had a relationship with someone for two and a half years,we where planning to get married,have kids...but fate sometimes plays games on GOOD people...one year later....i cry each and every night!
I can feel your loss and i feel really sorry for the thing that happened..but time will heal all wounds...!